John Oliver brings in Billy Eichner and Kristen Chenoweth to help you save for retirement (VIDEO).

“That Terrorist Dipsh--t Is Vastly Outnumbered”: John Oliver on Orlando

“That Terrorist Dipsh--t Is Vastly Outnumbered”: John Oliver on Orlando

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Slate's Culture Blog
June 13 2016 11:05 AM

“That Terrorist Dipsh--t Is Vastly Outnumbered”: John Oliver Opened His Show With a Cathartic Statement on Orlando

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Still taken from the video.

John Oliver started off Last Week Tonight on a somber note, addressing the violent deaths of 49 people in Orlando earlier in the day. Oliver called the target of the attack, “a Latin night at a gay club in the theme-park capital of the world,” a symbol of what makes America wonderful, and expressed the difficulty of hosting a comedy show in the wake of such events:

We’ll begin it in a minute, with what will seem like jarringly inappropriate, jangly music, and I’m sure there will be much more to say about Orlando going forward. But for right now, on a day when some dipshit terrorist wants us to focus on one man’s act of brutality and hatred, it might be worth seeing this video, which was posted to Twitter today. It shows hundreds and hundreds of people this morning lining up around the block in Florida, waiting to donate blood. And it kind of reminds you that that terrorist dipshit is vastly outnumbered. And now, please enjoy our stupid show.
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Oliver then moved on to his regularly scheduled programming—or as you may know it, “Johnny O’s Sadtastical Circus of Misery and Math”—to talk about something very important: your retirement. When it comes to fiduciary advisors, annuities, and index funds, Oliver knows you’d rather be Googling teacup pigs (go on, then, we’ll wait), but he explains that with 24 trillion dollars in U.S. retirement assets, it’s actually crucial to be active in planning your own financial future; after all, the phrase financial adviser is so meaningless that Oliver will let you print your own certification on his website. (There’s also one for elf-spotting, while you’re there.)

How did Oliver learn so much about retirement savings? It turns out he and Last Week Tonight higher-ups tried to set up a 401(k) for their own staff, but their researchers were shocked by the financial mismanagement and fees involved. You can learn from their mistakes, in a brilliant fake commercial with Billy Eichner and Kristen Chenoweth.

Marissa Martinelli is a Slate editorial assistant.