Eater unveiled the menu for Guy Fieri’s Vegas Kitchen & Bar earlier this week, and it is chockablock with “‘wow-sabi’ cream,” “gnarly Greek salad,” and “Guy’s famous donkey sauce.” It’s also chockablock with exclamation points—21 of them, by my count, starting with the very first item on the menu. (Sashimi Won-Tacos are allegedly “Everyone’s fave ‘cuz they’re wicked tasty!”)
But would Fieri’s menu sound quite as jocular without all those excitable punctuation marks? When I started taking the exclamation points out, I discovered that some of Fieri’s descriptions of greasy bar food convey a powerful poignancy.
The following poem is comprised of 10 of the exclamations from the Guy Fieri’s Vegas Kitchen & Bar menu. The sentences have been copied verbatim, except that their exclamation points have been replaced with other punctuation. I call it “Ode on a Gnarly Greek Salad.”
Ode on a Gnarly Greek Salad
By Guy Fieri
Truffle, truffle + more truffle,
Love, peace & taco grease.
They might not end the world, but they’ll end your hunger.
We have built this salad in a crown of prosciutto-wrapped smoked provolone:
Go big or go home.
All our richly marbled 100% USDA choice ground beef is smash-grilled—
Try Guy’s blue-sabi sauce to put out the fire.
We make these wings a flavorful phenomenon with a sweet + spicy sauce that
will make your head spin.
This one packs a punch.
