Have you looked outside? We may get a foot of snow in New York City. Ditto for Washington, D.C. A train has derailed in Pennsylvania. There is “thundersnow” in Charlotte. I’m not even sure what that is.
None of us are going to work. We’re going to stay in, keep warm, and watch you. For hours. It’s good for us! Not to mention you.
I know you have a whole host of viewing options, but the only thing that will keep us entertained for the amount of time we have to kill is a gripping, twisty drama “designed to be binge-watched,” like, say, House of Cards. And not the first season. We watched that already. It was great! Now we need Season 2. Today.
And what better way to prove the brilliance of your watch-it-whenever, we’re-so-much-better-than-HBO business plan? Now’s your chance, and it might not come again. I hear Amazon’s gaining on you. But give us Season 2 today, and I might forget I signed up for Amazon Prime the other day.
Moments like this require someone who will act. So come on, Netflix. Don’t be useless. I have no patience for useless things.
TODAY IN SLATE
I was hit by a teacher in an East Texas public school. It taught me nothing.
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