This week M. Night Shyamalan releases I Got Schooled, a book in which he promises The Five Keys to Closing America’s Education Gap. Below, we offer our seven best guesses for the book’s surprise twist ending.
1. The fifth key is water.
2. There are actually only four keys.
3. The keys are actually rules to sabotage the education system, so Shyamalan can slow the progress of his precocious arch-nemesis, Billy.
4. The book is revealed to be a fairy tale. It gets more confusing from there.
5. The keys are plants.
6. Shyamalan attacks a series of straw men—who turn out to just be men dressed up in straw.
7. The gap was closed the entire time.
TODAY IN SLATE
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Happy Constitution Day!
Too bad it’s almost certainly unconstitutional.