The Jeff Bridges/Ryan Reynolds vehicle R.I.P.D. may have been one of the most abysmal movies of the year so far (and bombed so badly at the box office that it’s figuring prominently in soul-searching think pieces about the ailing state of the special-effects-driven summer blockbuster), but I’ll be forever grateful to it for inspiring this year’s Slate Summer Movie Contest, in which I asked readers to come up with a movie title that folds together two or more acronyms into a new “portmanteau acronym,” accompanied by a trailer-ready tagline.
The responses I got were so numerous, and so consistently funny, that I practically had to throw a random dart at my full-to-bursting inbox to pick a winner from the many fine entries. So that you don’t have to miss out on all the LOLs and OMGs (not to mention numerous WTFs) I experienced while sorting through the lot, here’s a roundup of some of the cleverest/stupidest/most outlandish title-tagline combos that came in, ending with the one that brought all those qualities together to take the grand prize.
F.D.R.B.I.: The Yankees just made themselves a New Deal!
AWOLOL: They missed curfew, but made revelry.
MLK-9: The ghost of Martin Luther King comes back as a crime-fighting dog with a dream. Starring Eddie Murphy as you’ve never seen him before.
AIOU: If you borrow money from a robot, you’d better pay him back.
FUBARSVP: You are invited to witness your own destruction.
ADDOA: If they could pay attention, they’d know they’re already dead.
CEOMG: This Valley girl’s at the top of the org chart.
FBIUD: A sexist FBI agent gains a deeper understanding of women when a killer’s curse transforms him into an IUD.
YOLOED: Can this uptight English prof ever find love with the slang-lovin’ bro who’s failing her class?
LGBTHC: They’re here! They’re queer! They totally spaced the parade.
OBGYNRA: She brought you in. She will take you out.
OMGMO: This strain is going viral.
EMTGIF: Better hope you don’t have that heart attack on a Friday.
After considerable deliberation, I decided to award the grand prize to this title and tagline from Evan Mackintosh, not least because the high-concept action movie he pitches (complete with casting suggestions!) is one I’d be excited to see:
KGBLT: In the 80s, he took orders from the Kremlin. Now he’s filling orders at a deli counter. Dolph Lundgren stars as Victor Gregorov, a former Soviet assassin who finds a new start in Queens, NY.
Evan, please email me your mailing address at email@example.com so I can regale you with some branded goodness from Slate’s supply closet. Everyone else who entered, including those who didn’t make the list above but nonetheless made me ROFLMAO: Thanks for playing, and see you next summer!