Patton Oswalt as Pruneface: Next Year’s Sequels, Reboots, and Adaptations

Slate's Culture Blog
Dec. 22 2011 4:14 PM

Larry, Moe, Curly, and Snooki: The Reboots of 2012

122723395
Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi.

Photo by Jason Merritt/Getty Images

At the start of the year, Box Office Mojo reported that 2011 would be a record one for Hollywood’s output of sequels, with 27 such films earning (or, in any case, receiving) nationwide release—three more than the previous record set in 2003 and eight more than last year. As far as we can tell, 2011 will also prove to be the first year in history that the seven top-grossing films at the box office were all sequels.

Two years ago, Slate’s Josh Levin noted for Brow Beat the absurd extent to which sequels, prequels, reboots, and adaptations dominate Hollywood by seeding a list of real-life sequels and adaptations with a couple of made-up ones. Because we had so much fun last time around—and because the week before Christmas is one of the slowest news weeks of the year—we’ve decided to revive the list.

Advertisement

Below are ten sequels, reboots, and adaptations scheduled for release in 2012, along with two fake ones. Try to guess which ones are the phonies. We’ll post the correct answer on our Facebook page.

Then join in the fun by inventing your own made-up 2012 reboots and posting them on Twitter with the hashtag #FakeReboots—or by simply posting them here in the comments. We’ll retweet our favorites on the Slate Twitter feed.

Here is the list:

  • Thor and Tyra from Friday Night Lights star in a remake of Red Dawn
  • Johnny Depp, Jonah Hill, and Ice Cube bring you a 21st-century 21 Jump Street
  • Winona Ryder stars in Tim Burton’s reboot of 1984’s Frankenweenie
  • Larry, Moe, and Curly are joined by Snooki in The Three Stooges
  • Tom Cruise reprises his classic role as Cole Trickle in a long-awaited sequel to Days of Thunder
  • Sylvester Stallone’s 1995 adaptation of the comic book Judge Dredd gets a reboot starring Bones from Star Trek
  • Beyonce returns to the silver screen alongside Ryan Gosling in a new Dick Tracy; Patton Oswalt is Pruneface
  • The star of Twilight is Snow White, Charlize Theron is the Evil Queen, and Thor is some kind of huntsman in Snow White & the Huntsman
  • The guy who used to be Spider-Man is Nick Carraway in The Great Gatsby, with Leo DiCaprio in the title role
  • Wolverine is Jean Valjean and Russell Crowe is inspector Javert in Les Misérables
  • G.I. Joe 2
  • Step Up 4

Jeremy Stahl is a Slate senior editor. You can follow him on Twitter.

 

TODAY IN SLATE

Politics

Blacks Don’t Have a Corporal Punishment Problem

Americans do. But when blacks exhibit the same behaviors as others, it becomes part of a greater black pathology. 

I Bought the Huge iPhone. I’m Already Thinking of Returning It.

Scotland Is Just the Beginning. Expect More Political Earthquakes in Europe.

Lifetime Didn’t Think the Steubenville Rape Case Was Dramatic Enough

So they added a little self-immolation.

Two Damn Good, Very Different Movies About Soldiers Returning From War

Medical Examiner

The Most Terrifying Thing About Ebola 

The disease threatens humanity by preying on humanity.

Students Aren’t Going to College Football Games as Much Anymore, and Schools Are Getting Worried

The Good Wife Is Cynical, Thrilling, and Grown-Up. It’s Also TV’s Best Drama.

  News & Politics
Weigel
Sept. 20 2014 11:13 AM -30-
  Business
Business Insider
Sept. 20 2014 6:30 AM The Man Making Bill Gates Richer
  Life
Quora
Sept. 20 2014 7:27 AM How Do Plants Grow Aboard the International Space Station?
  Double X
The XX Factor
Sept. 19 2014 4:58 PM Steubenville Gets the Lifetime Treatment (And a Cheerleader Erupts Into Flames)
  Slate Plus
Slate Picks
Sept. 19 2014 12:00 PM What Happened at Slate This Week? The Slatest editor tells us to read well-informed skepticism, media criticism, and more.
  Arts
Brow Beat
Sept. 20 2014 3:21 PM “The More You Know (About Black People)” Uses Very Funny PSAs to Condemn Black Stereotypes
  Technology
Future Tense
Sept. 19 2014 6:31 PM The One Big Problem With the Enormous New iPhone
  Health & Science
Bad Astronomy
Sept. 20 2014 7:00 AM The Shaggy Sun
  Sports
Sports Nut
Sept. 18 2014 11:42 AM Grandmaster Clash One of the most amazing feats in chess history just happened, and no one noticed.