The Deadpan Twitter Feed You Should Be Following

Brow Beat
Slate's Culture Blog
Oct. 7 2011 12:36 PM

Follow Friday: @#!$ Girls Say

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Confession time: I like to eavesdrop on teenagers. Walking out for a coffee in the afternoon in Manhattan, I find them huddled on street corners, texting in small circles of three, swinging bookbags at each other, yelling. The boys are typically mute, unless they have sci-fi inclinations. The girls, though, often have a way with language: “I’m so going to kill you if you do that.” F. Scott Fitzgerald would have written that down in his notebook.

This hobby explains my affection for @shitgirlssay, an anonymous, satirical Twitter account whose avatar is the Afghan girl from that famous cover of National Geographic. (The avatar is a cruel joke that doesn’t quite land, for the girl in that picture would never say these tweets.) A few highlights: “Can I put this in your pocket?” “I just realized I haven’t eaten today.” “I’m not even joking right now.” Whoever is behind @shitgirlssay has a rigorous aesthetic: The lines must be deadpan, timeless, and just gendered enough to be funny. “I keep thinking today’s Tuesday.” “Smell this candle.” “You should come!”

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The hits go on and on. How long can the anonymous girl (or girls) keep it up? I’m not sure, but let me ask you: “Was I super annoying last night?”

Michael Agger is an editor at The New Yorker. Follow him on Twitter.

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