The position is a full-time, eight-week, paid position and the
deadline to apply is March 11
. Some additional duties we imagine this plucky young protégé will be expected to perform:
• Periodically checking that Sheen's
remains full of resentments
out of Sheen's backyard
• Picking up the goddesses' togas from the dry cleaners
• Light office management tasks: e.g., keeping the fridge stocked with Tiger Blood
• Determining the best
for things Charlie Sheen can dream of but not express
• Typing up treatment for
• Cleaning the
out of Sheen's underwear
The ideal applicant will be well-versed in social media platforms such as Twitter and Facebook and have access to his or her own cryptology hat.
Please, no gnarlingtons need apply.