Leslie Jones Fires Back at Trolls and Hackers With Hilarious SNL Takedown
Comedian Leslie Jones is receiving lots of praise for a blistering rant on Saturday Night Live aimed straight at the hackers and Twitter trolls who have made her life difficult over the past few months. Hackers have stolen private photos of her and posted them on the internet, and she was also subject to lots of racist online abuse that even led her to briefly quit Twitter. But when Jones went on a Weekend Update segment to talk about cyberterrorism, she managed to take her personal experiences and turn them into a hilarious and poignant takedown of people who try to make others’ lives miserable.
“All they did was release some nude pics of me,” Jones told Colin Jost, “which is nothing because, I don’t know if y’all know this about me, but I ain’t shy … I am very comfortable with who I am. I am an open book. I keep my porn in a folder labeled ‘porn.’ If you wanna see Leslie Jones naked, just ask!”
“What I’m trying to say is, if you wanna hurt anybody these days, you’re gonna have to do way more than leak their nudes or call them names—you can’t embarrass me more than I have embarrassed myself. I know all the details, ’cause I was there,” she said. Jones then went on to describe a few of her life’s embarrassing moments, before making a slight pivot and talking to the trolls who have attacked her mercilessly on Twitter.
“Do you think some words on the internet can hurt me? I once had a crazy bitch try to beat me with a shovel at a bus stop because I took her spot on the bench. Now that’s a troll. Real trolls ain’t tapping on keyboards, they’re swinging shovels,” she said.
And Jones ended with a message that, while hilarious, was also very poignant and seems to provide a great life lesson for us all: “I have spent decades getting roasted by comedians,” she said. “Trust me, at a certain point, you stop being embarrassed and start being you. And I have been me for 49 years. Because the only person who can hack me is me, and my firewall is a crazy bitch with a shovel.”
Lots of people online are praising Jones for her rant.
“That may’ve been Leslie Jones’ finest #SNL moment,” wrote Michael Ausiello, editor in chief of TVLine.
That may've been Leslie Jones' finest #SNL moment.— Michael Ausiello (@MichaelAusiello) October 23, 2016
Watch Tom Hanks Mock Trump Supporters in SNL’s Black Jeopardy
Saturday Night Live has not been kind on Donald Trump supporters over the past few months. After all, the show directly called them white supremacists a few months ago. But last night, the show took a more subtle, albeit uncomfortable, turn as Tom Hanks put on a red “Make America Great Again” cap and a graying goatee to play Doug, a Trump-supporting guest on “Black Jeopardy.” Hosted by Kenan Thompson as Darnell Hayes, this episode of “Black Jeopardy” looked to be an easy setup to mercilessly mock Trump supporters at every turn. Instead, it revealed that conspiracy theorist Doug had a lot more in common with the other contestants—Leslie Jones as Shanice and Sasheer Zamata as Keeley—than most people would have likely expected.
As Doug continually answered questions correctly about the upcoming election and life in general, the contestants are increasingly surprised to learn they have similar views on several issues. Hayes even goes over to Doug to shake his hand at one point. That is until the final category comes up on the board—“Lives That Matter.” And that’s as far as it goes: “It was good while it lasted, Doug,” Hayes says.
Donald Glover Will Officially Play Lando Calrissian in the New Han Solo Movie
It’s official: After several months of rumors, Donald Glover has joined the Star Wars universe and will play a young Lando Calrissian in the upcoming new Han Solo stand-alone series.
It’s a curious casting choice, considering that the self-proclaimed “black nerd,” who tends to portray similarly nerdy characters on screen, feels pretty far removed from the smooth-talking rogue portrayed by heartthrob Billy Dee Williams in the original films. (Not that it would be the first time he’s set out to join an action film: Glover once publicly campaigned to play the similarly nerdy Peter Parker aka Spider-Man in the newest films.)
But actors deserve the chance to stretch their wings—or X-Wings, in this case—and there’s a chance that writer-directors Phil Lord and Chris Miller (21 Jump Street, The Lego Movie) want to go in a more comedic direction with the new film. Indeed, Han Solo himself will be played by Alden Ehrenreich, who showcased his own comedic chops in his breakout role in Hail, Caesar! Or perhaps young Lando was actually a late bloomer and only evolved into the rapscallion we all know and love in his later years. We shall see!
The so far untitled new movie is set to come out in 2018.
Bill Murray Crashes a White House Press Briefing in a Very Bill Murray Way
Bill Murray, who has a knack for turning up in unexpected places, crashed the White House press briefing on Friday, because why not? Murray, who was in Washington, D.C. receiving the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor from President Obama, took the podium and addressed the (mostly empty) room. He even fielded a question about the Cubs’ chances of winning the World Series. Turns out, he’s an optimist.
Notably, Murray didn’t even blink at being called “Mr. President.” Now there’s an idea for 2020.
Aimee Mann on How She Got Inside Donald Trump’s Head for Her New Song
This interview originally appeared on the Trumpcast, Slate’s podcast about the national emergency we call Donald Trump.
Be a Genius, Do This One Thing, Have Better Soups All Winter
The Extended Trailer for Planet Earth II Is Bigger, Better, Earth-ier
If you weren’t already psyched for the BBC’s follow-up to Planet Earth, this gorgeous extended trailer for the series should do the trick. No matter what kind of nature documentary you’re looking for, it looks like Planet Earth II will have every herd, swarm, pack, pride, litter, colony, or flock you could possibly imagine (and some you couldn’t), all shot in 4K ultra-high def. Like the first trailer for the new series, the extended cut features all the splendor of nature, from luminous mushrooms that bloom before your eyes to sparring wild horses to a bear scratching its bottom against a tree. Truly majestic.
David Attenborough will resume his duty as narrator while Hans Zimmer is providing the awe-inspiring score you hear in the trailer. We still don’t know exactly when the new series will be premiering on BBC One or coming to the U.S., but it’s not soon enough.
Imagine a Bruce Springsteen Ballad in a Harry Potter Movie, Because That Almost Happened
Bruce Springsteen: rock icon, working-class hero, and apparently, wannabe Harry Potter songwriter. In an interview with BBC Radio 2’s Simon Mayo, Springsteen confirmed the longtime rumor that he had written a song for Harry Potter, one that (obviously) never made it into any of the movies. Springsteen explained that the song, titled “I’ll Stand by You Always,” was originally written for his eldest son and that it wasn’t necessarily what you might expect from the Boss. “It was a big ballad that was very uncharacteristic of something I’d sing myself.”
Springsteen didn’t specify which Harry Potter movie he wanted “I’ll Stand by You Always” to wind up in, but he filed a copyright for the song in 2001, right around the time of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, so it might well have been the original. Why didn’t the ballad make the cut? Springsteen says “you’ll have to ask them,” but we can probably guess why director Chris Columbus went with “Hedwig’s Theme” instead, since Springsteen’s style seems like an extremely weird fit for Harry Potter.
Despite the rejection, Springsteen mentioned that he still thought the ballad was “pretty good” and that he’d like to get it into another children’s movie. Maybe one set, oh, I dunno, in 1920s New York City? One that’s a little bit grittier than the early Potter movies were? One with four sequels already in the works? Just a suggestion.
“Weird Al” Yankovic Moderates the Final Presidential Debate, in Song
Fox News’ Chris Wallace deserves a lot of credit for, however imperfectly, dialing down the spectacle of the 2016 presidential campaign for a solid 90 minutes during the final debate. Indeed, debate moderator can be a tough gig these days—a fact that “Weird Al” Yankovic learns the hard way in his new song “Bad Hombres, Nasty Women,” a title taken directly from the most memorably offensive lines spoken by Donald Trump during Wednesday night’s matchup.
The video, which was made with the help of the Gregory Brothers (the autotune experts behind the theme for Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, the “Bed Intruder Song,” and other songified news) reassembles footage of Trump and Hillary Clinton’s insults in rhyme. For example: “Putin has a very clear favorite in this race/ He’d rather have a puppet as president of the United States.” At least our national nightmare sounds a little better in autotune?
Bond or Not, Daniel Craig Is Setting Himself Up Nicely for the Future
As great a gig as playing James Bond is, it doesn’t lend itself that well to a life post-007. Audiences come to identify you too closely with the role of suave British super-spy, which you got because of how naturally you fit that persona in the first place. Afterward, any decision to cast you comes with that added baggage. Only one of the first five actors to play Bond, Sean Connery, remained a major draw after he hung up the tuxedo. Two others, Pierce Brosnan and Timothy Dalton, continued to work productively, but in lower-wattage roles. The other two, George Lazenby and Roger Moore, basically saw their careers end with Bond.
All of this is likely on the mind of Daniel Craig, who starred in his fourth Bond film, Spectre, last year, and has not yet given a concrete answer about whether he’ll return to the role. During the Spectre press tour, Craig claimed he’d rather “slash [his] wrists”than play Bond again, but at a recent appearance, he didn’t seem quite ready to hang up the role, telling the crowd, “I’ll keep doing it as long as I still get a kick out of it.” Still, he said, he had had “no conversations” with the film’s producers about the next film: “Everyone’s a bit tired.” If he does decide he’s had enough of the 12-month shoots and NFL-level injuries that come with the role, Craig will have to face down the same dilemma that Connery, Lazenby, Moore, Dalton, and Brosnan faced before him: How do you convince the public that you aren’t James Bond anymore?