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Jessica, I agree with you about Layng Martine's over-sharing; his unconditional love certainly doesn't give him the right to reveal way TMI about his wife's diminished physical capacity and her inability to control her bodily functions. I must admit those details made me recoil as well. I would never, ever want my husband to share this sort of detail with millions of NY Times readers. I assumed he must have done so with his wife's blessings, and I hope he at least had enough respect for her privacy to ask for permission to write it. That said, I think the details added a layer of intellectual honesty to the piece and illustrated that even though the challenges in the marriage posed by his wife's disability were very real, and sometimes very unpleasant, they still managed over the years to retain a strong love and partnership. Yes, they were able to go on long dreamy drives and spend hours at the beach, but in between their daily life was, well, no day at the beach. To me this was the crux of the piece: They've managed to stay together and, at least from his perspective, to stay in love. He does sound as if he might be over-romanticizing their situation a bit, but I tried not to judge him because, after all, he is talking about a unique circumstance that he lives every day, and he does seem to be speaking sincerely from his heart. Still, I would have loved to hear her side of the story to see if it meshes neatly with his.
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I wonder if anyone else wept while reading Sunday's "Modern Love" column in the NYT, written by the husband of a paraplegic woman. Whenever I hear these amazing stories of unconditional love, I wonder what I would do if faced with such tragic circumstances. As the uninjured spouse, would I rise to the occasion and become the selfless caretaker able to handle my beloved's involuntary bowel movements in bed and loss of sexual sensation? If I were the injured spouse, would I even want my husband to spend the rest of our lives taking care of me and cleaning up after me, all the while knowing that he will never be able to experience mutually satisfying physical love with me again? Or would I be like the wife in the article and wonder how long I could go on in my altered physical state? Would I consider assisted suicide a better option than lifetime dependency? If allowing oneself to fall madly in love with someone with no guarantees that he/she will not treat your heart like a doormat is among life's biggest risks, allowing that person to regularly see you at your most vulnerable and least physically appealing state has got to be the ultimate expression of trust. I guess that's a husband-and-wife thing that totally amazes a single person like me.
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