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Just finished reading the Blagojevich complaint, which I shouldn't have looked at so late at night, because it only woke me up and raised all kinds of perplexing questions. Like, did the man never see a single episode of The Sopranos? There he is, on his very own phone, endlessly babbling "me want payola'' (OK, that is a paraphrase). He even talks about news reports that the Federal investigators who've been after him for years are tapping his phones!
Love his wife's cameo, in which the first lady of Illinois is screaming so loudly while he's on the phone that the wiretap picks her up, too, raging that he should withhold state assistance for the Tribune Co.'s sale of Wrigley Field unless the Chicago Tribune fires its editorial writers for being so mean and critical of their fine governor. How was it Mrs. B so charmingly put it? Oh, yes, here it is: "Hold up that fucking Cubs shit ... fuck them." But this is exciting: Singled out for the ire of the Blagos was ... my son's lovely godfather, editorial writer John McCormick. According to the criminal complaint, "ROD BLAGOJEVICH asked HARRIS [his chief of staff] whether he told Deputy Governor A that 'McCormick is going to get bounced at the Tribune.' (McCormick is believed to be John P. McCormick, the Chicago Tribune's Deputy Editorial Page Editor) ... HARRIS stated, 'I had singled out McCormick as somebody who was the most biased and unfair.' " Later, the guv is mad when despite his machinations, John survives the latest round of cuts. (Dude, we knew you had role model potential!)
More than anything, though, Blagojevich just seems delusional, ranting that maybe that f'ing Obama can get Warren Buffet and Bill Gates to fund an "issue advocacy organization''—that advocates for his enrichment and deals solely with the heartbreaking issue of a certain corrupt governor who wants $$$. And here's clear thinking: He imagines that if all else fails, he can appoint himself to fill Obama's Senate seat and voilà, legal problems solved. At least when his predecessor George Ryan knew his days were numbered, he did one decent thing he'll be remembered for: He emptied the state's Death Row. Next to this guy, Ryan was a hero.
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Just when I was feeling all elevated and proud to hail from the Land of Lincoln and 44, here comes Gov. Doo-doo Head, aka Illinois Democrat Rod Blagojevich, along to remind me why I could never, ever say with a straight face that I've never been anything but proud of my country/state/church or party. He was arrested this morning for trying to sell Barack Obama's Senate seat. Alexis de Tocqueville was wrong, that's all. He thought that one thing that made Americans so darn exceptional was that chez nous, anybody at all could aspire to a fortune. But I'm pretty sure he did not foresee a politician so venal as to view an inspiring, history-making election that showed America at her very best and think: Ah, quick-buck city! Come to papa, you beautiful dollars and board appointments! "I want to make money,'' off the appointment, he reportedly said on a wiretap; let's just say that subtlety is not a hallmark of corruption in my state. I guess he figured that if his Republican predecessor, George Ryan, could milk bribes out of driver's licenses, then he could ride the hope train all the way to an ambassadorship. Blagojevich was elected in 2003 on promises to clean up Illinois government—and just like that guy who ran for Mark Foley's congressional seat on family values, well, he did exactly the opposite. Should we maybe start reading campaign promises as campaign threats? Because I grew up in the Louisiana of the Midwest, I will not pretend to be surprised. But how he could go so low—or imagine that he would not be caught—is something I guess he will have ample time to kick around with Ryan when he joins him behind bars.
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