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When I lived in Southeast Asia a few years back, a couple of European expats asked me why gay Americans were "so obsessed with getting married." It struck them as a fundamentally conservative impulse for a group not beholden to traditionalist social norms. Sociologist Andrew Cherlin has just written a book on America's weird relationship to the institution of marriage, and he has answers for baffled non-Americans:
Same-sex marriage has been more of a battleground in the United States than in most other countries because marriage is more important to Americans than to people in other countries... In some European countries, gay and lesbian activists are asking instead: why, at this late date, should we buy into the oppressive, archaic institution of marriage? But in the United States many advocates say that only a marriage ring guarantees first-class citizenship. And they are right, because marriage matters more here than elsewhere.
It has always seemed to me that the logically compelling arguments against same-sex marriage come not from the Christian right from but the secular left. If Cherlin is right—if marriage in America is, as he says, "the capstone of personal achievement," "the ultimate badge" and the key to "first-class citizenship"—gay Americans have more reason than many of their European counterparts to want access to the institution. But the arguments against "buying in" are also that much stronger, because the norm is that much more pervasive. (To be clear: I have bought in, and I think other adults should be able to buy in if they so choose. Or not.)
Cherlin's interview is full of interesting data-driven tidbits and well worth a read.
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It’s a great day to be a gay American. I’ve never been prouder or felt more integrated into the fabric of the life of the nation. What has gotten me so giddy? It’s not the Vermont marriage vote or last Friday’s Iowa court decision; it’s the news that President Obama’s favorite character on The Wire is Omar, the outset, proudest gay American stick-up artist Baltimore never had.
I also hope Obama, who has struggled to give up cigarettes, learned a lesson from Omar’s sad demise: Smoking is very bad for one’s health.
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