The XX Factor: What women really think.

"Which One Would You Give Back?"

Noreen, I feel your pain. As the oldest of 11 children, I am no stranger to the raised eyebrows that come with the large-family territory, and I am constantly taken aback by the questions people feel they can ask me (like whether I think my parents are "done" and the ever-popular question of whether I know all my siblings' names). I have even been asked, "Wait, you have 10 siblings and you're not crazy?"

And, yes, people always, always want to judge my parents. (My father's standard response is, "Which one would you give back?") All of which has taught me, if nothing else, to be wary of judging anyone's family decisions, though I'm not sure I would choose to feature those family decisions on television. I don't think there is such a thing as the objectively perfect mother, and I don't think good parenting has anything to do with how many children you have or how many children you can have at once. It has to do with making the best choices for yourself and your children, and it's dangerous to judge someone else's parenting choices.

When the time comes, I want to be able to decide for myself what will make me the best mother to my children, irrespective of anyone else's parenting decisions.