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While we're parsing our octuplet obsession, it's worth reading Judith Warner's recent column on child-related panics in general—whether they're about teenagers and sex, or overscheduled kids, or overmedicated kids, or commodified kids. She makes the good point that such panics rarely clarify children's real situations, much less inform good decisions. Instead they tend to blur subtleties and obscure hard choices, while letting adults project their own anxieties and wallow in concern over lost innocence. (Overscheduling, for example, isn't exactly the universal childhood problem you'd think from affluent parents' alarm. Overextended adults, though, are a problem, not least because they're too frazzled to focus on the urgent problems of poor kids with too little to occupy them.)
As for the octuplets, let's hope their arrival prompts a hard, cold examination of assisted reproductive technology rather than endless appalled voyeurism. This isn't the first fertility freak show to unfold during hard times: Remember the story of the poor Dionne quintuplets 75 years ago? Then the government—the girls were born in Canada—did step in, in the name of protecting the babies from exploitation and danger. But instead of helping, the effect was to perpetuate the circus: The girls were sequestered in Quintland, which became a national tourist attraction up there with (or even beyond) Niagara Falls. That's not part of a stimulus package we need, but here is a market that surely needs regulating.
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Noreen, I feel your pain. As the oldest of 11 children, I am no stranger to the raised eyebrows that come with the large-family territory, and I am constantly taken aback by the questions people feel they can ask me (like whether I think my parents are "done" and the ever-popular question of whether I know all my siblings' names). I have even been asked, "Wait, you have 10 siblings and you're not crazy?"
And, yes, people always, always want to judge my parents. (My father's standard response is, "Which one would you give back?") All of which has taught me, if nothing else, to be wary of judging anyone's family decisions, though I'm not sure I would choose to feature those family decisions on television. I don't think there is such a thing as the objectively perfect mother, and I don't think good parenting has anything to do with how many children you have or how many children you can have at once. It has to do with making the best choices for yourself and your children, and it's dangerous to judge someone else's parenting choices.
When the time comes, I want to be able to decide for myself what will make me the best mother to my children, irrespective of anyone else's parenting decisions.
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Jessica, you're right—TLC must be salivating at the thought of signing a reality TV show deal with the mother of the octuplets. (Incidentally, the word octuplets appears in neither my Word spell checker nor in the dictionary Slate uses, though the dictionary does include octuple as an adjective, noun, and verb.) I'd imagine that the mother herself isn't Quiverfull: Couples who follow the principles of the Quiverfull movement vow to accept as many children as God gives them, whether that's 20 kids or four or none, and they reject both contraception and fertility treatments as attempts to interfere with the lord's plan. Perhaps she's a Quiverfull groupie?
I wish I could put a finger on why I and so many others find this story fascinating. Maybe it's because this is one of those places where the right and the left ends of the social spectrum are in agreement. Conservative bloggers have called the mother irresponsible and speculated about what assistant programs she and her children could be enrolled in or eligible for. Liberal bloggers worry about everything from whether the kids will get enough attention to what the family's carbon footprint will be. I don't think I've seen anyone celebrating the "miracle" of this birth—the responses I've encountered have expressed only horror.
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Michelle Duggar gave birth to her 18th child this week. The megamom is something of an icon in homeschooling and Quiverfull circles, but whenever I see her in the news, on the Today show, or on her family's numerous reality-TV shows and specials, I find myself frustrated.
I don't yet and may never have kids, but I do like them and respect the decision to have a big family if you're up to the challenge. But the Duggars bug, primarily because of their sanctimony. They talk about being debt-free as if it's a moral issue and brag about caring for the large family thanks to living frugally, but they also generate income from rental properties and, no doubt, from their TV shows and their recently released book. It seems dishonest to suggest that everyone can afford their lifestyle if they shop in thrift stores and buy in bulk when that's not what, presumably, actually keeps the Duggars financially afloat. Furthermore, while I respect their right to hold incredibly conservative views on dating (no kissing before marriage! handholding only when engaged!), gender roles, and childbearing, I hate the reverence for Michelle Duggar as some sort of supermom. According to their TV show, weaned babies are handed off to older children, usually the teenage girls, who cook all the food, do the laundry, and do the cleaning in addition to taking care of their "buddies." It seems that they do most of the work while their mother collects the glory. The girls say that they enjoy their lives and that people who think they're too sheltered should "get over it," but I wonder how many options they truly have.
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