The XX Factor: What women really think.

The Best Five Pounds She Ever Gained

Both Us Weekly and People put falling star Jessica Simpson on their covers this week, where they're defending her from nasty Internet chatter about her recent weight gain. (The smack talking was set off by these photos. Obviously, if the haters were going to be mean about something, it should have been the belt.) People went the uplifting, school-marm route ("She's Proud of Her Body: Stop calling her fat! Inside the bold choice to lead a real life") while Us practiced it's more typical schizophrenia, simultaneously sympathizing ("Jessica's Agony: Bullied for her weight") and twisting the knife ("Suddenly back with a trainer"; "She's tortured by food"; "Did Tony cheat?")

While I can't help but feel some sympathy for Simpson—I'm sure getting skewered for looking like a regular person isn't pleasant—when I think about how tiresomely manipulative the whole drama is, my compassion dissipates. Bottom line: Getting called fat is the best thing that could have happened to Simpson’s career, which is in desperate need of a boost. (The photos that started it all were taken at a chilli cookoff where she was performing.) As Oprah has taught us, nothing generates goodwill quite like courageous, highly public struggles with one's weight. The tabloids and Simpson have taken note and jumped on some Internet trash talk, hoping to reap the benefits in copies sold and minutes in the spotlight.

It worked for Tyra Banks and Jennifer Love Hewitt, who were both recently involved in "You call me fat, I earn public sympathy" kerfuffles. Banks appeared on the cover of People ("You Call This Fat?") in January 2007. Besides aiding Banks' ongoing, ultra-serious mission to become Oprah's heir apparent, it helped drum up interest in yet another cycle of America's Next Top Model. After pictures of Hewitt in a bikini made the rounds in December 2007, she landed on the cover of People ("Stop Calling Me Fat"), possibly her biggest brush with relevancy since Party of Five. Eight months later, Us Weekly put her on their cover for losing "18 lbs in 10 weeks" because, obviously, it's great to be comfortable with your body, but better to be a size 2.