The XX Factor: What women really think.

In Pursuit of the Ideal O

Dayo, just as you couldn't help but post about the America's Next Top Model stampede (3/14, never forget), I can't resist posting on this New York Times style section piece about the One Taste Urban Retreat Center, epicenter of the "slow sex movement." Naturally it's in San Francisco, and it's "a commune dedicated to men and women publicly creating 'the orgasm that exists between them,' " according to the Times. That orgasm is brought about by the men stroking the women for a prolonged period of time, "in a ritual known as orgasmic meditation — 'OMing,' for short." The men do not make eye contact with the women during OMing, and they don't climax either.

First of all, the authors of the piece don't say how expensive entrance into this vaunted One Taste commune is, but one can assume most of the residents don't need to earn money since they're devoting so much time to that ideal O. The Urban Retreat Center is run by a woman named Nicole Daedone, and late in the piece it is mentioned, almost as an afterthought, that her tech-millionaire boyfriend is bankrolling the joint.

This is not to say that a woman's orgasm isn't an important thing, but isn't it horrifically self-absorbed to join a commune dedicated to the pursuit? In addition, all the focus on the female orgasm somehow feels like another expectation placed on women: If you don't have a 20-minute orgasm, you're not fully realizing your sexuality and have somehow failed. First we're bad mothers because we don't breast-feed, and now we're inadequate because we don't devote hours to coming. We can't win.