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Posted
Wednesday, September 03, 2008 12:11 PM
| By
Rachael Larimore
Linda Hirshman has a thoughtful piece in Slate reacting to Bristol Palin's pregnancy and pointing out that no, no one wants their 17-year-old daughter to get pregnant. The odds are stacked against teen mothers, no doubt. But so many stories I read on this topic present those scary numbers, add a brief caveat that "of course there are exceptions, but" and go on to rail against pro-lifers for wanting to overturn Roe v. Wade.
If you'll indulge me for a few minutes, I'd like to hit "pause" and tell you about one of those exceptions. My mom got pregnant when she was 16. With me. Thankfully, it was 1972, before Roe, or we might not be having this conversation. Well, the rest of you would be. She and my dad had to get married in the little side chapel of their church, not at the grander main altar, because of her "condition." Before they even got that far, a few of my mom's cousins called a family meeting and decided my mom had to have an abortion lest she embarrass the family. I guess you'd call them pro-choice.
My mom finished high school a year early so she wouldn't have to juggle a baby and classes. She and my dad lived in a tiny apartment, and saved up to buy a modest house when I was 6 months old. (My first car cost more than that house.) My dad worked five days a week at one job, and on one of his days off, he'd work at my grandfather's clothing store to make the $17 they needed for the weekly grocery bill.
Eventually, my parents bought their own business, a mom-and-pop grocery store. It didn't make them millionaires, and it required a lot of blood, sweat, and tears, but they worked side-by-side for more than 20 years. They still found time to haul us to swimming practice and baseball practice and come to our games and help us with our homework. And they did well enough to put two kids through college, set aside a nest egg for retirement, and start college funds for their ever-expanding brood of grandchildren. More than 35 years later, they're still happily married.
Yes, my parents were an exception, very clearly. But today is not the 1960s or 1970s, either. Young women have vastly more opportunities in high school for sports and other activities that keep them busy and improve their self-esteem. Birth control is more readily available. For girls who do get pregnant, schools—both high schools and college—have more programs to help moms get their educations and support themselves and their children. Let's empower our daughters to make the right choices for themselves, to either avoid sex when they're not ready or use birth control when they do. And if all else fails, love them and support them and, if you're running for vice president and the world is going to find out, stand up and tell the world you're proud of them. Yes, it takes hard work, and it takes sacrifice. Are we not raising our kids—daughters and sons—to work hard, to put the needs of others ahead of their own when the situation calls for it?
Whenever we have conversations about Roe v. Wade, pro-choicers always point to how awful life is for women who keep their babies, how hard it is. Hirshman decries the Republican position on abortion as "cruel." But can't we please acknowledge that there are victims, and that the pro-choice position has its own brutal cruelty? Does anyone consider how many worthwhile lives are sacrificed? Is it worse to grow up poor or not at all? My own life is pretty damn important to me, and I'm thankful every day that I'm here.
So, while everyone else is snickering and making jokes about shotgun weddings, I'd like to wish Bristol Palin, her boyfriend Levi, and their child the best. It's not an easy job you have before you, but the rewards can be amazing.
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