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Two of my happiness-project resolutions are Take time for projects and Enjoy the seasons and this time of life. These are family-directed resolutions, meant to make sure that I put the time and effort into holidays, family projects, and fun outings.
I came up with these resolutions because the year before my happiness project, Halloween came and went without us carving a pumpkin, and I was utterly appalled at myself. To my mind, that’s Mommy malpractice, even though my daughters didn’t seem to mind much. (Lesson learned: We bought and carved a pumpkin yesterday.)
Because of these resolutions, I’m always looking for fun and also manageable ways to do family projects or celebrate family traditions. For example, I love holiday breakfasts—an idea I lifted from a friend.
I just got a new idea from an unexpected source. I’m a raving Chuck Palahniuk fan, but I don’t turn to his novels for inspiration on lovely ways to celebrate traditions with my children. No, there’s a lot you can get from Fight Club and Choke and Survivor, but sweet family traditions aren’t there.
On the suggestion of a thoughtful reader, however, I picked up a copy of Palahniuk’s nonfiction essays, Stranger Than Fiction, and I was captivated by an idea I read about in “The People Can.” Palahniuk describes the lives of the crew of the Naval submarine the Louisiana, and he explains the tradition of Halfway Night.
“Before departure, the family of each man on board gives Chief of Boat Ken Biller a shoe-box-sized package, and on the night that marks the halfway point in the patrol, called Halfway Night, Biller distributes the boxes. Smith’s wife sends photos and beef jerky and a toy motorcycle to remind him of his own bike on shore. Greg Stone gets a pillowcase printed with a photograph of his wife, Kelley.”
I’m enchanted by the idea of “Halfway Night.” It seems like a great idea to adapt to any arduous situation, to something truly awful like chemotherapy or just extremely tiresome, like studying for the bar exam.
I can’t think of something in my life right now that would lend itself to a Halfway Night, but I’m squirreling the idea away for the proper occasion.
Have you hit upon a tradition to ease a difficult situation? Have you tried something like Halfway Night?
* I spent a lot of time cruising around Parents Connect—"We're not perfect, we're parents."
* If you're interested in launching a group for people who meet to do their happiness projects together, sign up for the starter kit. More than 3,000 people have requested it. You might also like to check out the Facebook conversation for group leaders—that's a good resource if you're trying to get started.
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My happiness-project resolutions include "Cultivate rituals and traditions," "Spread family cheer," "Take time for projects," and "Be a treasure house of happy memories." This cluster of resolutions runs together—meaning that doing a single action means I can give myself a gold star in several boxes. (And, yes, I love those gold stars.)
Last year, I decided to start doing holiday breakfasts, so these days I decorate the breakfast table for each holiday. This is easy, fun, and festive. I also decided to start playing April Fools' pranks.
Yesterday morning, I combined the two. Before I went to bed the night before, I dyed the milk bright green—in an opaque container. In the morning, when my two daughters were at the table, I got a big gasp when I poured the milk into their bowls of Special K cereal. Much excitement. Then the green milk dyed their teeth and tongues green, another source of hilarity.
The happiness payoff was huge. Both girls got a big kick out of it; they were very excited to tell my husband about it when he came into the kitchen; they were very excited to tell their friends that I had played a real joke on them. The morning felt special and fun.
I took a picture, so we can remember this morning for a long time.
This April Fools' joke took me about 10 seconds to pull off, but I had to decide to do it. Sometimes, even doing the smallest extra thing seems impossible, but it’s worth the effort. I constantly have to remind myself of the Third Splendid Truth: The days are long, but the years are short. I’m always happy when I take the time to observe a tradition, do a family project, spread a little cheer, take a photo.
Last year, I froze my daughters' bowls of cereal—this year, food dye. Now I am officially out of kid-appropriate pranks. Any ideas? Please post!
* If you're interested in volunteering as a superfan, to help me out with various tasks such as the early testing of my superfabulous new Web site, you can click here or e-mail me at gretchenrubin1 [at] gmail [dot com]. Just write “superfan” in the subject line. To those of you who sign up—thanks so much!
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Three of my favorite happiness-project resolutions are: Take time for projects, be a treasure house of happy memories, and “appreciate the seasons and this time of life.”
A great way to combine all three of these resolutions is to observe family traditions, and as one new tradition (oxymoron?), I’ve started planning holiday breakfasts. I copied this idea from a friend after I saw how she’d set the table for her Valentine’s Day breakfast last year, and I’ve been doing it for holidays ever since.
For birthdays, I have a special cupcake plate, a special candle, and a big banner. For Halloween, I have special plates, special pumpkin candles, and those window-gel decorations that stick on windows and mirrors, and I dyed the peanut butter black. (My daughters eat peanut butter on toast for breakfast.) Etc.
This weekend marked my first Valentine’s breakfast. I put out special placemats and heart-shaped plates, cut the toast into heart shapes and dyed the peanut-butter red, put heart decorations on the window, scattered a few Sweethearts candies around the table, and gave each girl a pack of Valentine’s Day-themed stickers.
Now, like most traditions, this was a bit of a pain. I had to make sure I had some decorations. (Next year, I’ll just reuse what I bought this year.) I had to wait until the girls went to sleep to set the table—at a time when I felt like collapsing myself. I had to premix the peanut butter the night before.
But the preparations weren’t very onerous, and it was a lot of fun the next morning. One of the nice things about kids is that it doesn’t take much for them to feel like something is “special,” so even a simple tradition is very gratifying.
If I didn’t have kids, I’d try to find some other way to celebrate the holidays. These kinds of traditions mark the passage of time in a pleasant way and add a note of festivity to everyday life.
Also, the major holidays can become a lot of work. It’s nice to celebrate in a very manageable way.
* On the subject of Sweethearts candy, Reader’s Digest compiled a list of the last 10 years' worth of sayings. Who knew they ever changed?
* Interested in starting your own happiness project? If you’d like to take a look at my personal Resolutions Chart, for inspiration, just e-mail me at grubin, then the “at” sign, then gretchenrubin dot com. (Sorry about writing it in that roundabout way; I’m trying to thwart spammers.) Just write “Resolutions Chart” in the subject line.