The Happiness Project: How To Be Happier

"A Non-Addictive Form of Vicodin, Non-Fattening Cheese Fries...or Writing."

From time to time, I post short interviews with interesting people about their insights on happiness. During my study of happiness, I’ve noticed that I often learn more from one person’s highly idiosyncratic experiences than I do from sources that detail universal principles or cite up-to-date studies. I’m much more likely to be convinced to try a piece of advice urged by a specific person who tells me that it worked for him or her, than by any other kind of argument.

I love it when I get to meet blog friends face to face, and I had a great coffee the other day with my friends who run the Drinking Diaries. They told me to check out Mommy Wants Vodka (note: her writing is a bit profane and explicit, just so you know), and I immediately wanted to ask “Aunt Becky,” a/k/a Becky Sherrick Harks, about her views about happiness.

Gretchen: What’s a simple activity that consistently makes you happier?
Becky: Since I'm assuming that I can't fantasize here and say something outlandish like, “a non-addictive form of Vicodin that's magically transported into my medicine cabinet” or “non-fattening cheese fries” I will go with Option Number 2.

Writing. I love to write for my blog (Mommy Wants Vodka) and my audience who are an integral part of it. It's funny. I never realized that I had any sort of interest in writing. It was like waking up one day and realizing that I could speak perfect Persian without ever having taken one of those language courses. And now I find that I can't imagine my life without it. I'm trying to make a career out of it, not because I have to, but because I want to.

What’s something you know now about happiness that you didn’t know when you were 18 years old?
At 18, I was pretty sure that happiness was juuuuuust around the corner. Just waiting for me. The next big thing was going to make me happy. If I could only land the perfect job or the perfect boyfriend or the perfect grades or the perfect whatever. I was waiting for other things and other people to make me happy. It took me years to learn that true happiness comes from within.

I will never be in control of what happens to me or around me, but I am in control of what happens within me and how I react to situations. Now I know that I alone can make me happy.

For some reason, that image of someone evokes a fanciful happy blue carefree blue sky and reminds me that in the immortal words of the God (Mick) Jagger, “You got to scrape that shit right off your shoes.”

Dwelling does little good, after all. And somewhere someone IS flying.

If you’re feeling blue, how do you give yourself a happiness boost?
I try to talk myself through it, kind of like the way they teach smokers to get through a craving, by focusing on something else completely. If I can distract myself from the sadness, or talk myself through it by reminding myself that I'm either being a) rational or b) irrational (depending, of course, on the situation) I end up feeling better.

Then, I focus the all of that energy on doing something productive with my hands. I tend to my massive rose garden or my orchids, I plant, I create something where there was nothing. Or I nurture something and revel in what I am growing. By filling the empty space with something, I feel whole again.

Is there anything that you see people around you doing or saying that adds a lot to their happiness, or detracts a lot from their happiness?
We've all been dealt some pretty crappy cards in life at one point or another. I am the product of two alcoholics, and my childhood was not exactly a Norman Rockwell painting, if you can imagine it. But we can all walk around with a big red VICTIM painted on our forehead, expecting people to tiptoe around our feelings and give us special dispensation for our VICTIM status, or we can dust ourselves off, accept that it sucked pretty hard and move on.

We all have skeletons in our closets. We might as well pull them out and make 'em dance.

* I always enjoy a visit to Zen Habits -- great material on "simple productivity."

Hugging Kids and Drinking Pinot Noir—but Not Going Blonde

From time to time, I post short interviews with interesting people about their insights on happiness. During my study of happiness, I’ve noticed that I often learn more from one person’s highly idiosyncratic experiences than I do from sources that detail universal principles or cite up-to-date studies. I’m much more likely to be persuaded to try a piece of advice urged by a specific person who tells me that it worked for him or her, than by any other kind of argument.

I’m a new fan of the hilarious blog Mom-101, so I was curious to hear what writer Liz Gumbinner had to say about happiness.

She writes about parenthood and life in general on her blog and in anthologies like Sleep Is for the Weak: The Best of the Mommybloggers, True Mom Confessions, and See Mom Run (just out this week). She’s also the publisher/editor-in-chief of Cool Mom Picks. I was especially interested in Liz when I found out that she also lives in New York City. (I rarely seem to meet any NYC bloggers—why is that?)

Gretchen: What’s a simple activity that consistently makes you happier?
Liz: Oh man, you're going to make me start this off with the cheesiest, most cliche answer ever—but hugging my kids. There's something about two little girls squealing and running toward you with arms outstretched that is the singularly most exquisite example of happiness that ever existed. (And to think my former answer was "pedicures.")

What’s something you know now about happiness that you didn’t know when you were 18 years old?
I used to have the cause and effect thing all backward. I thought that if, say, the right boy liked me, it would make me happy. Now I know that it's happiness that attracts good people into your life. Also, I now know that that right boy grows up to be bald, twice-divorced, and a drunken slob at high school reunions.

Is there anything you find yourself doing repeatedly that gets in the way of your happiness?
I am the quintessential people-pleaser. I try to make everyone else happy, which often puts me last. I need to stop that. I mean, if you're OK with that.

Is there a happiness mantra or motto that you’ve found very helpful?
There's a story about a king who challenges his wise men to bring him something that, when he's sad it will make him happy, and when he's happy it will make him sad. They spend months on the project, and return to him with a small ring engraved with the saying, "This too, shall pass." It's a great reminder that everything is cyclical.

If you’re feeling blue, how do you give yourself a happiness boost? Or, like a “comfort food,” do you have a comfort activity? (Mine is reading children’s books.)
I am now outing the dorky new-agey side of myself, but I love the little bag of runes I've had since college. If I'm in a tough spot, I draw a rune, and it always gives me some much-needed perspective on the situation. Of course, there's always mac 'n' cheese, a glass of Pinot Noir and some bad escapist reality TV, which is like the emergency comfort trifecta.

Is there anything that you see people around you doing or saying that adds a lot to their happiness or detracts a lot from their happiness?
The happiest people seem to be very focused on whatever they are doing. Unhappy people seem to be very focused on what other people are doing. (With the exception of reality-TV-watching, because really, those aren't actual people, right?)

Have you always felt about the same level of happiness, or have you been through a period when you felt exceptionally happy or unhappy—if so, why? If you were unhappy, how did you become happier?
I think overall I'm a happy person—I once had a co-worker ask what medication I was on, because I was always smiling. This was not the same co-worker who asked me if my boobs were real. (Aw, those were the days.) But I've certainly gone through some dark periods of depression or anxiety or sadness. One of the toughest times for me was when I was pregnant for the first time. I was on bedrest, I gained a lot of weight, my relationship wasn't the best it's ever been, and I felt like nothing more than an incubator. I got through it with the support of friends and family who loved me unconditionally and the knowledge that my situation was finite. See, also: "This too shall pass."

Do you work on being happier? If so, how?
For me, the opposite of happy isn't sad; it's anxious. So I try to avoid the people and situations that stress me out and don't bring joy into my life. I try to stay off the blogs that exist only to be cruel, I don't follow drama-starters on Twitter, and I have banished all the energy suckers from my circle of friends. In fact, I think taking inventory of who your friends are at any given time is a pretty strong indicator of where your own head is. I'm so lucky right now that Kristen Chase, my partner and co-publisher of Cool Mom Picks (and a great friend!) is so collaborative and positive and supportive in every way as is the rest of our staff. I feel lucky every day to have such positive, wonderful people in my work life day to day.

Have you ever been surprised that something you expected would make you very happy, didn’t—or vice versa?
I tried going blonde for a while. It didn't make me happier, although it definitely changed the kinds of guys who tried to hit on me in bars.

* Although I don't meet many NYC bloggers, I do manage to meet a lot of far-flung blogland friends when they come through New York. I'm a longtime reader of Beyond Blue, so am very happy to be meeting Therese Borchard in person, at last. I predict a long conversation about St. Therese of Lisieux, too. Can't wait.

* For more discussion about happiness, join the Facebook Page. Lots of people, lots of fascinating conversation.

Fun and Creativity in the Kitchen

My fellow Huffington Post contributor Karen Leland is an expert on increasing efficiency and happiness at work, so she spends a lot of time thinking about how people can manage their time to get the most satisfaction and productivity out of their workweek.

She has a new book out, Time Management in an Instant. I love this approach—thinking about how accomplishing manageable, concrete tasks can make a difference in your daily life. It seems to me that feeling out of control of time is a major happiness challenge for many people.

Gretchen: What’s a simple activity that consistently makes you happier?
Karen: Keeping my home, office, and e-mail relatively organized. While it might sound trivial, when I know where things are and can find them easily, I stay out of overwhelm. For me, overwhelm is a definite happiness stressor.

What’s something you know now about happiness that you didn’t know when you were 18 years old?
That it's not a constant condition, and it's not supposed to be. The amount of happiness I experience ebbs, and flows and that's OK. Sometimes I'm superjoyful, sometimes content, and sometimes down. It's a cycle, and it all changes.

Is there anything you find yourself doing repeatedly that gets in the way of your happiness?
I'm embarrassed to say that I still have a tendency to compare myself to others with some degree. It's not as bad as it was in my youth, but it's one of the patterns I need to continually fight.

Is there a happiness mantra or motto that you’ve found very helpful? (e.g., I remind myself to “Be Gretchen.”)
Yes, my happiness mantra is "Follow my own path and truth, and trust that the right people and results will appear. Be grateful when they do."

If you’re feeling blue, how do you give yourself a happiness boost?
Three things are guaranteed to give me a happiness boost:
1. Singing along to any musical.
2. Talking to my girlfriends on the phone.
3. Doing something new, creative, and fun in the kitchen.

Is there anything that you see people around you doing or saying that adds a lot to their happiness, or detracts a lot from their happiness?
The people I know who are happiest seem to protect their time and space. In other words, they don't spend a lot of time doing things that they don't want to do, or being with people they don't want to be with. They also say what they mean and mean what they say. The unhappiest are those who are blaming others for their woes and can't seem to shake off being bitter about a wrong that was done to them.

Have you always felt about the same level of happiness or have you been through a period when you felt exceptionally happy or unhappy—if so, why? If you were unhappy, how did you become happier?
When I got divorced from my first husband 25 years ago, I went through the unhappiest period in my life. The grief and unhappiness were profound, but that experience really taught me a lot. Since then, I would say my level of happiness goes up and down, but always seems to settle in the same place. Whenever I'm in what I consider to be a less happier place, I do things to fill the tank of my happiness. For me that is art, cooking, being with friends, spending time with my husband (no. 2 for 17 years), singing, and being in nature. All of those things fill me up in a way that can shake me out of my unhappiness—usually.

Do you work on being happier? If so, how?
I would say that I work on being more content. In other words, I try and take things as they come and not get too caught up in how it is on any given day. Recently, I've been working on being more serene—which to me is a form of happiness. I do this by simply stopping and taking a breather, when I start to feel anxious or stressed. I find that if I let something upsetting sit a bit, its unhappy quality diminishes—at least somewhat.

Have you ever been surprised that something you expected would make you very happy didn’t—or vice versa?
You know that expression "Be careful what you ask for, young lady, for you shall surely get it"? Yes, I have often thought something was going to make me very happy, and it made me crazy! Then again, there are things I have gone into that I had no expectation about, and they have turned out to be among the happiest experiences of my life. I think in many ways having an expectation about how happy something will make me is a setup for failure. For me, I think it's better to bring my best self to something, which includes my enthusiasm, but stay away from expecting it to bring me a certain level of happiness and just be open to the whatever the experience delivers.

* Zoikes, this is happy news: I just found out that the blog search engine Technorati ranks this blog among the Top 2,000 blogs. Given that as of December 2007, Technorati was tracking more than 112 million blogs, that sounds pretty good.

* If you haven't watched my one-minute movie, The Years Are Short, you might enjoy seeing that.

Why Shopping at H&M Is Better Than at Bergdorf's

From time to time, I post short interviews with interesting people about their insights on happiness. During my research, I’ve noticed that I often learn more from one person’s highly idiosyncratic experiences than I do from sources that detail universal principles or cite up-to-date studies.

I recently read a terrific new novel by Sally Koslow, The Late, Lamented Molly Marx. It has a very interesting premise, which I don’t want to give away, but I will say that it explores an important aspect of happiness.

I raced through the book because I was enjoying it so much (it’s packed with sharp social observation, plus it paints a wonderful picture of New York City), so only after I’d finished it did I realize that the book is a great examination of drift.

In the novel, Molly has a life with her husband and young daughter, and she's also having an affair. She loves and hates her life with her husband; same with the affair. She can’t decide whether to divorce her husband and marry her lover or to end the affair, and she begins to drift in this state. Both fates have their appeal, and their cost.

Molly’s situation is resolved in a surprising way, which I won’t reveal, but it got me thinking about drift. I was interested to see what Sally Koslow would have to say about happiness.

Gretchen: What’s a simple activity that consistently makes you happier?
Sally: Besides reading novels, which I love so much I decided to try and write one? Dancing, at which I most certainly do not excel, makes me giddy-happy if I’m hearing the right music, even if I’m alone in my kitchen alternating the same two moves my kids mock. So does escaping into a movie trussed-up with corsets and English accents or a well-written contemporary rom-com. Every time I watch Diane Keaton grin to herself while she’s pounding away on her computer in Something's Gotta Give, a movie I can probably lip synch, I want to do the same.

Some activities make me happy once they’re over. I can’t say I adore running, but several times a week I take myself to the park for a long jog and invariably, when the rubber hits the road, my brain manufactures dialogue, plot points, and metaphors, and as e.e. cummings wrote, the world is mud-luscious and puddle-wonderful.

Is there anything you find yourself doing repeatedly that gets in the way of your happiness?
Procrastination screws with my happiness, even though I know I get a contact high from accomplishment. For me, productivity demands infrastructure. I’d never have been able to complete three novels in the last five years if I hadn’t joined a writing workshop. It gives me feedback, but most important, the group harnesses me to deadlines, without which I’d still be muttering, “Maybe I’ll write a novel!” Being a magazine editor taught me that everyone, for almost everything, requires deadlines. I’m kind of an evangelist about this. Now if only someone would give me a deadline for organizing my photographs.

Is there a happiness mantra or motto that you find very helpful? Or a particular book that has stayed with you?
Thornton Wilder’s Our Town is my all-time favorite play, and it inspired my current book, The Late, Lamented Molly Marx.

Is there anything that you see people around you doing that detracts a lot from their happiness?
Envy is the buzz-kill of happiness. This is a theme I’m exploring in my next novel, where four women’s friendships wig out when they start tripping over their envy. (The original title was The Schadenfreude Club—we just changed it to With Friends Like These, since not everyone knows the snarky German word, schadenfreude, which means taking pleasure in someone else’s misery.)

I know I’ve wasted too much time on envying people with more money or success. I wish I could say I’ve learned to short-circuit envy, but the best I do is try to minimize contact with happiness-suckers in favor of being with people I appreciate and who appreciate me. I got happier, for example, when my son switched from private to public school, where the parents took fewer vacations to Tuscany. I try to remind myself that while other women may look like they have it all, they may secretly covet X. For all I know, maybe every woman I envy secretly wants to be a novelist.

Have you always felt about the same level of happiness, or have you been through a period when you felt exceptionally happy or unhappy—if so, why? If you were unhappy, how did you become happier?
I was a cliche high-school and college kid who no doubt looked happy enough but wrote yearning poetry and was often the girl at the party ready to cry. I was shy and didn’t instinctively understand how to make friends. My early role model was Lois Lane, and it helped to cast myself as a reporter for school newspapers, where I was forced to ask people questions. This practice helped, but took me only so far—when I, a North Dakota hayseed, moved to Manhattan to work on Mademoiselle magazine, the culture shock rendered me practically mute. I forced myself to observe women who had a knack for making friends and tried to model their behavior, down to noticing that it’s ordinary good manners to be friendly

During the last eight years, because of dumb luck I’ve lost two editor-in-chief jobs. This crashed my happiness, since I adored my work and believed I was put on earth to edit magazines. To keep my sanity, I started dabbling with writing fiction, which turned into novels—one lost job was running McCall’s, which got turned over to Rosie O’Donnell to start an eponymous magazine. That “you can’t make this stuff up” experience inspired my first novel, Little Pink Slips. I never expected novel-writing to become my new life’s work, and it has made me as happy as I’ve ever been.

Have you ever been surprised that something you expected would make you very happy and didn’t?
One of my jobs came with—woo-hoo!—a clothing allowance. Although I’d been devoted to cheap-chic, when I got this perk I threw myself at the mercy of a personal shopper at Bergdorf’s and let her talk me into suits that made me looked like a lady senator, not Sally. I’ll never say money can’t buy a certain peace of mind, but this experience taught me that scoring bargains at H&M makes me happier than posh shopping, which leaves me feeling not pampered, but phony and rip-offed, a sure recipe for unhappiness.

* I'm a big fan of Alexandra Levit's blog Water Cooler Wisdom, which is a terrific resource for "up-to-the-minute career advice from one who has survived the trenches," so I was very pleased to see that she posted about the Happiness Project Toolbox.

* I send out short, free monthly newsletters that highlight the best of the previous month’s posts to about 24,000 subscribers. If you’d like to sign up, click here or e-mail me at grubin, then the “at” sign, then gretchenrubin dot com. (sorry about that weird format—trying to to thwart spammers.) Just write “newsletter” in the subject line.

Go to Sleep by 9; Don't Fret About Missed Opportunities

One thing that has made me happy over the past year has been the chance to write a blog for RealSimple.com’s Simply Stated. It has been a lot of fun, given me a way to connect with a different set of readers, and introduced me to a lot of great people.

One person I met is Kristin van Ogtrop, the editor of Real Simple. Along with her demanding magazine work, she has a hilarious blog herself called Adventures in Chaos. Her most recent post, about “whether it’s ever possible to be cool in the eyes of your children,” actually had me laughing out loud while it also got me thinking about a lot of deep issues about parenthood.

Gretchen: What’s something you know now about happiness that you didn’t know when you were 18 years old?
Kristin: That it will always go away—but then it always come back again. I also think that, for the most part, happiness is much more about nature than nurture. That is a completely reductive way to look at things and obviously does not take into account any extreme life circumstances, but I do think it’s true. There are happy people and unhappy people and not a lot you can do (or they can do) to change that. You may disagree!

Is there anything you find yourself doing repeatedly that gets in the way of your happiness?
Obsessing over stupid, control-freak things like whether my husband and children take their muddy shoes off at the door.

If you’re feeling blue, how do you give yourself a happiness boost? Or, like a “comfort food,” do you have a comfort activity? (Mine is reading children’s books.)
I have a few comfort activities: go for a jog; drink a cup of Starbucks coffee; have a glass of wine; get into bed and read a book; brush my teeth and get into bed with one of my children at the end of an exhausting day.

Is there anything that you see people around you doing or saying that adds a lot to their happiness or detracts a lot from their happiness?
I actually think one big happiness killer for people is spending too much time thinking about how others view them: Did what I just say sound stupid? Do I look fat in these pants? Does my next-door neighbor think I’m a bad mother? That’s one.

I also think people spend too much time thinking about missed opportunities, which in my opinion is not particularly constructive and leads you down a regret spiral. Most of the time I’m just focused on the future, where the possibilities are endless, and that’s how I stay happy. The carrot-on-the-stick way of going through life really works for me.

Have you always felt about the same level of happiness, or have you been through a period when you felt exceptionally happy or unhappy—if so, why?
I can think of two periods of my life when I was most unhappy: First, when I was a teenager and in love with a boy named Fred who went to another school and didn’t particularly love me. I would spend hours in my bedroom listening to Janis Ian records and wondering if life would ever get better. The remedy: I went off to college and forgot about Fred. The second time was when I was working in my first magazine job; it was after I’d been to graduate school, and I was older than all of the other assistants, plus married, and had a useless graduate degree. I just looked around me and wondered when, if ever, I was going to be able to stop answering someone else’s phone. Not to mention the fact that all of my friends who had graduated from law school and business school were buying houses and getting pregnant. That period ended when I got promoted and thought, A-ha, my life will not always be this way. So I think both of those periods of unhappiness were about waiting for my life to “start” in a certain way.

Do you work on being happier? If so, how?
Not really. Although I do know that if it’s after 9 p.m., I am most likely unhappy (not my finest hour; I am definitely not a night person), and if I just get in bed everything will be instantly better.

* If you've never taken a look at PostSecret, check it out. Mesmerizing. Some of the entries are explicit, however, so be warned.

* The starter kit is ready! If you asked for a starter kit, because you're interested in starting a group for people doing happiness projects, you should have received it from me. (In fact, 17 people may have gotten it twice—sorry about that, long story.) If you didn't sign up, but would like to, click here or e-mail me at gretchenrubin1 [at] gmail [dot com]. (Sorry about the weird format—to thwart spammers.) Just write "starter kit" in the subject line.

Reading in the Tub, Escaping From the Cubicle

By far the best part of the SXSW conference was meeting other bloggers whom I’ve read but never seen face-to-face—such as Pamela Slim, who has a terrific blog, Escape From Cubicle Nation (one of the top career blogs), and whose book, Escape From Cubicle Nation, is just about to hit the shelves.

I was lucky enough to get a copy of her book early, and the thing I most love about it is that it's very specific. It is packed with useful information and suggestions for actions you could take right now to work on your career. I don't need to escape from a cubicle, and nevertheless I found it hugely helpful.

Because of the strong relationship between happiness and work, Pam has done a lot of thinking about happiness.

Gretchen: What’s a simple activity that consistently makes you happier?
Pam: I love to read books in the bathtub. If I am tired or grumpy or stressed, climbing into a hot bath with a good book is an instant mood shifter. The type of book is important if I am feeling really low. It needs to be exceptionally well-written, creative and uplifting. Favorite bathside reads are The War of Art by Steven Pressfield and If You Want To Write by Brenda Ueland.

What’s something you know now about happiness that you didn’t know when you were 18 years old?
I am stronger than I thought I was at 18. And I don't have to change myself to please anyone. That was a lesson that took about 10 painful years to learn. But once I did, I got really clear that the only way to be truly happy was to be very clear with my boundaries.

Is there anything you find yourself doing repeatedly that gets in the way of your happiness?
I sometimes let stressful thoughts swirl around in my head for too long, which causes anxiety and makes me feel grumpy. When I notice that I am making myself unhappy, I step back, examine the thought (like "Things are never going to change" or "This situation is hopeless") and turn it around to something more true and useful (like "Things are always changing, and for the better" or "No situation is hopeless—there is always a way out.") When I change the thought, the feeling changes, and my mood lifts.

Is there a happiness mantra or motto that you’ve found very helpful? (e.g., I remind myself to “Be Gretchen.”)
I adore the Buddhist Loving Kindness Meditation and use it all the time if I am feeling stressed:
May you be happy.
May you be well.
May you be free from suffering.
May you be safe.

I also love a particular part of a Navajo prayer, which I learned from my husband:
With beauty before me, may I walk.
With beauty behind me, may I walk.
With beauty above me, may I walk.
With beauty below me, may I walk.
With beauty all around me, may I walk.

Is there anything that you see people around you doing or saying that adds a lot to their happiness or detracts a lot from their happiness?
I think that many people, including myself sometimes, look for happiness in the future. They think they will be happy once they have a certain level of financial success or their blog traffic doubles or they get lots of clients or they find a man (or woman) and get married. In reality, wherever you go, there you are. So by finding joy in the present, in its beautiful imperfection, any future goal that you accomplish will just be a cherry on top.

* The fabulous Sister Project is an enthralling collection of material having to do with sisters and sisterhood, very broadly imagined. Fascinating.

* Want to volunteer as a superfan—to help with the prelaunch of my soon-to-be-unveiled fabulous new happiness-related Web site, and/or other various things? I'd be thrilled to hear from you. You can click here or e-mail me at gretchenrubin1 [at] gmail [dot] com. Just write “superfan” in the subject line.

Dancing Salsa, Clearing Clutter, People-Watching in Central Park, and Other Secrets to Happiness

As I’ve worked on my happiness project, I’ve been very surprised by how energizing and cheering I find it to clear clutter. In fact, when I’m jonesing for a happiness boost, I’ve been known to beg my friends to let me help them clean out their closets.

One of my favorite books about clearing clutter is Julie Morgenstern’s classic Organizing From the Inside Out, which I find helpful, realistic, and inspiring. (I've read it a couple of times.) She has a new book that just came out, which is also terrific: SHED Your Stuff, Change Your Life.

The thing that distinguishes her approach is her emphasis on the reasons for clutter. Clutter isn’t just a matter of not having enough closet space. There are psychological reasons that you hang onto things, and when you acknowledge that aspect of clutter, you’re able to get rid of more and also to get more energy from the process. Julie Morgenstern has done a lot of thinking about happiness, as it relates to managing our possessions and time.

Gretchen: What’s a simple activity that consistently makes you happier?
Julie: First and foremost, dancing. For all of my life, dancing. No matter what’s on my mind, I am instantly transported the minute I start dancing. The music and movement take me out of my head and into my body, as well as someone else’s musical composition, rhythm, sensibility, emotions. I enjoy all types of dance … from swing and salsa, to folk and freestyle.

What’s something you know now about happiness that you didn’t know when you were 18?
That a big ingredient to happiness is non-work-related fun. I always got great joy from my work and still do, but when I was younger, I connected happiness to achievement … and almost felt guilty taking time for fun. Now, I cherish the balance, having fun at work, and also having fun at play. I know this doesn't sound like a radical concept, but it’s been a big a-ha for me over the years.

If you’re feeling blue, how do you give yourself a happiness boost? Or, like a “comfort food,” do you have a comfort activity? (Mine is reading children’s books.)
I go to Central Park. Being around people … the many characters, stories, scenes, energy, and warmth of others pulls me out of my own troubles and lifts my mood. It’s an instant antidote. And, I must confess, organizing something helps—a drawer, a bookcase, a closet—it’s a way of taking control of what I can, which boosts my calm and confidence.

Is there anything that you see people around you doing or saying that adds a lot to or detracts a lot from their happiness?
The primary difference between happy and unhappy people is the sense of personal control or victimization. As a consultant and speaker, most of the people I encounter feel like they are masters of their own lives and are a joy to work with. Together, we work out a plan to overcome any obstacles they have to achieving their goals. But periodically, I encounter people who feel like victims, and those people are never happy. No one is happy when they feel trapped, but I don’t believe any of us is ever trapped. Other than in the case of illness, we have the power to create and change our circumstances and continuously grow, learn, and improve our lives. And even in the most adverse situations, people who choose happiness find nuggets of joy and something to gain from each experience.

Have you always felt about the same level of happiness, or have you been through a period when you felt exceptionally happy or unhappy?
I am a fundamentally happy person. Throughout my life, whenever I find myself in circumstances that distract from my happiness, I do whatever it takes to change those circumstances. And sometimes, that change is simply a matter of changing my perspective of a situation—and finding the opportunity in it. I consider life to be an adventure and a privilege and do everything I can to enjoy and get the most out of it.

Is there a happiness mantra or motto that you find very helpful?
"People are just about as happy as they make up their minds to be."—Abraham Lincoln

* If you haven't seen my one-minute movie, The Years Are Short, you might enjoy it.