The Happiness Project: How To Be Happier

Eight Tips for Boosting Your Energy

Every Wednesday is Tip Day.
This Wednesday: Eight tips for boosting your energy.

Feeling energetic is a key to feeling happy. Studies show that when you feel energetic, you feel much better about yourself. On the other hand, when you feel exhausted, tasks that would ordinarily make you happy—like putting up holiday decorations—make you feel overwhelmed and blue.

When my energy feels at an ebb, I try one of these techniques. (Well, first I drink something with caffeine in it, but if I feel like I need to take further steps, I try these strategies.)

1. Exercise—even a quick 10-minute walk will increase your energy and boost your mood. This really works! Try it!

2. Listen to lively music.

3. Get enough sleep. If the alarm blasts you out of a sound sleep every morning, you’re not getting enough—and it matters. (Here are some tips for getting good sleep.)

4. For some people, taking a 10-to-30-minute nap is a big help. I can’t nap, myself, but my father has been known to take three naps in one day.

5. Act energetic. Research shows that when people move faster, their metabolism speeds up. Also, because the way we act influences the way we feel (to an almost uncanny degree), by acting energetic you'll make yourself feel more energetic.

6. Talk to friends. I’ve noticed that if I’m feeling low and then run into a friend on the street, I walk away feeling much more energetic. Reach out if you need a boost. This is true for introverts and extroverts alike.

7. Get something done. Crossing a nagging chore off your to-do list provides a big rush of energy. For a huge surge, clean out a closet. You’ll be amazed at how great you feel afterward.

8. Do NOT use food. It’s tempting to reach for a carton of ice cream when you’re feeling listless, but in the end, all those extra calories will just drag you down. In general, be wary of the urge to treat yourself when you're feeling low.

Energy (or lack of energy) is contagious. If you feel energetic, you’ll help the people around you feel energetic, too. And that makes them feel happier. In fact, in his excellent book, The No A***ole Rule, Bob Sutton reports that being an energizer was one of the strongest predictors of a positive performance evaluation at work.

* How great! Groups for people who are doing happiness projects together have launched all over the world, and the group in Singapore, led by Marion, got written up in the magazine Her World. Click here if you want a starter kit.

* It’s Word-of-Mouth Wednesday! This is when I gently encourage (or, you might think, pester) you to spread the word about the Happiness Project. You might:
● Forward the link to someone you think would be interested
● Link to a post on Twitter
● Pre-order the book for a friend
● Put a link to the blog in your Facebook status update
Thanks! I really appreciate any help. Word of mouth is the best.

A Fundamental Secret to Happiness? Get Enough Sleep.

I’m working on my Happiness Project, and you could have one, too! Everyone’s project will look different, but it’s the rare person who can’t benefit. Join in—no need to catch up, just jump in right now. Each Friday’s post will help you think about your own happiness project.

I’ve written before about my resolution to Get more sleep, and I’m bringing it up again, because I’m truly convinced that this is one of the first aspects of life to tackle when you start a happiness project.

It’s easy to become accustomed to being sleep-deprived, but it’s not good for you. Many researchers argue that not getting enough sleep has broad health consequences, such as raising your risk for cancer, heart disease, diabetes, and even obesity, but in addition to those, it has a profound effect on your happiness.

One study showed that a bad night’s sleep was one of the top two reasons for being in a bad mood at work. (The other? Tight work deadlines.) Another study suggested that getting one extra hour of sleep each night would do more for your daily happiness than getting a $60,000 raise.

But here’s another reason why I think sleep matters so much for happiness: exhaustion makes the mornings tougher.

The morning is a hard time for many people.

First, a lot of people try to exercise early in the morning. This is a great idea—you check it off your list and get the mood boost all day long. My weight-training instructor told me, “I’ve noticed that people who exercise first thing are much more likely to stick to an exercise program. If you roll out of bed and exercise, you get it out of the way. If you try to do it later, you come up with excuses for yourself, or other things interfere.”

Second, a lot of people face a gruesome commute. A bad commute is a real happiness challenge and one to which people don’t adapt. If you’re sleepy, you’re going to be crabby and inattentive, and that’s a bad combination in a driver.

Third, a lot of people have to get their kids off to school. This is why I need a lot of sleep. Every single morning tries my patience to the utmost. If my big one isn’t complaining, my little one is whining. Remembering to put everything in the backpacks, picking out clothes, finding the right mittens, leaving on time … it’s hard, every day. A lot of my resolutions, such as Sing in the morning and Observe the evening tidy-up, are aimed at improving the morning experience. (Here are some tips for keeping school-day mornings cheery.)

I’ve also resolved to “Get up at 6 a.m.,” so I have an hour to get myself organized before the rest of my family wakes up. And what does this mean? It means I have to go to sleep earlier.

I was lucky enough to get an advance copy of my friend Erin Doland’s excellent new book, Unclutter Your Life in One Week. It has lots of great information and tips, and I was quite struck by her observation:

“Experience has taught me that to get out of bed just fifteen minutes earlier each morning, most people need to go to bed thirty minutes earlier. To wake up and feel refreshed thirty minutes earlier in the morning requires going to bed a full hour earlier.”

I’d assumed this had just been my idiosyncratic experience, so I was surprised to see that someone else had found the same thing. Alas, I think this is absolutely true.

It’s strange that turning off the light is so hard. You’d think, “What could take less effort than going to sleep?” and yet I find that it sometimes takes a lot of effort to put myself to bed, even when I’m actually feeling sleepy. It’s just so much fun to stay up—or sometimes I feel too tired to take out my contacts.

Getting enough sleep really pays off, though. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, or listless, or irritable, try getting more sleep for a week. That might help more than you expect.

What do you think? How much is your happiness affected by the amount of sleep you get?

* On Gimundo, I read about a fascinating study that suggests that being in a clean-smelling environment makes people behave in a more fair and generous way.

* If you’re in a book group and think you might choose The Happiness Project as a reading selection, please let me know. I’ll send you a discussion guide, plus I plan to give away some free advance copies of the book, and I’ll choose addresses from these emails.
● E-mail me at gretchenrubin1[at]gmail.com (don’t forget the “1”) with the message “book group"
● include your name and address if you’d like to be eligible for a free book
● if you’re willing, I’d love to know a little about your group: how many members, what you read, etc. No particular reason, I’m just curious about book groups!

Choose the Bigger Life; No-Pressure Knitting

I’m working on my Happiness Project, and you could have one, too. Everyone’s project will look different, but it’s the rare person who can’t benefit. Join in—no need to catch up; just jump in right now. Each Friday’s post will help you think about your own happiness project.

I love visiting this blog’s companion site, the Happiness Project Toolbox—it’s fun to add to my own Inspiration Board, keep up with my own one-sentence journal (mine is a journal of what I’m reading), check my lists, etc.

But I’m really addicted to the site because I love looking at what other people are writing. I can’t get enough of reading other people’s favorite quotations on the Inspiration Boards, seeing other people’s personal commandments, and all the rest. (To see what other people have added, you can click on the Tools listed across the top or on the “more” running down the right side.)

Today, instead of proposing one of my resolutions for your happiness project, I gathered six of my favorite resolutions from that section of the Toolbox. These are resolutions posted by other people that I’m going to start to follow myself:

1. Say “I love you” every day.
2. Choose the bigger life.
3. Read books with my children.
4. Laugh with my wife daily [OK, I’ll change this to “husband”].
5. Kindness.
6. Put clothes away.

I don’t knit, so I won’t follow the resolution “no pressure knitting,” but that resolution gave me such a clear picture of that person and that happiness project! I laughed out loud; I know exactly what that means.

One note: I see that a lot of people have the resolution to “drink more water.” It’s not clear that this is a helpful resolution. Maybe you don't need to drink more water. If you love drinking water, then by all means, drink water, but from what I can see, the benefits are quite overblown, so you don’t need to worry about this too much.

We all have a limited capacity for sticking to resolutions, so make sure you’re getting the biggest happiness bang for the buck. You'd probably be better off using your precious resolution energy toward going for a 10-minute walk instead of trying to drink water.

What resolutions have proved most helpful in your happiness projects?

* Ashby Jones at the Wall Street Journal law blog did a two-part interview with me this week. We had a great time talking about happiness, lawyers, and career choices in general.
Part I
Part II

* Join the discussion on the Facebook Page. Lots of interesting commentary there.

Exercise, Weight Loss, and Happiness

I was very interested to read John Cloud’s recent Time cover story about exercise and weight loss, "Why Exercise Won’t Make You Thin." This is a very complicated issue, and the article’s argument has sparked many debates—but from strictly a happiness perspective, two points jumped out at me.

First: Even if exercise doesn’t help me lose weight (and I admit, I’m very weight-preoccupied), it’s still extremely important for general good health and for not gaining weight—and for keeping my mood positive. For example, one study showed that even moderate aerobic exercise boosted mood—for as long as 12 hours. Almost everyone I know who exercises regularly says that they stick to their routine for mental benefits as much, or more, than for physical reasons.

Second: I should always be wary of occasions when I have the urge to “treat” myself. So often, treats don’t contribute to long-term happiness.

From the article, and from my own observation, it seems that exercise often inspires people with the belief that they deserve a “treat”—and usually a high-calorie treat. For example, I was just reading Sally Koslow’s novel, Little Pink Slips. The main character goes running with her best friend, and afterward, they split a scone. But as Cloud suggests, from a strictly calorie perspective, those two women would have been better off skipping the run and the scone.

It’s also easy to fall into the assumption that because exercise is healthy, anything related to it must be healthy—this tendency is called the halo effect. A friend of mine would chug a big bottle of Nantucket Nectars after working out. He considered this a healthy, energy-boosting drink so never thought about calories at all. I pointed out that a bottle has almost as many calories as a Snickers bar! (My gleeful revelation of this fact did not endear me to him, I must confess.)

For a long time, I’ve been keeping an eye out for studies of how people’s worrying about their weight affects their happiness. To me, this concern seem like a major factor in day-to-day unhappiness. I’ve never seen much on this issue, and if anyone has read any studies about this, I’d love to see the reference.

* I couldn't resist a blog called Happiness in this World: Reflections of a Buddhist Physician, of course, and I was particularly intrigued by this post about The Good Guy Contract.

* Interested in starting your own happiness project? If you’d like to take a look at my personal Resolutions Chart, for inspiration, just e-mail me at grubin, then the “at” sign, then gretchenrubin dot com. (Sorry about writing it in that roundabout way; I’m trying to thwart spammers.) Just write “Resolutions Chart” in the subject line.

Would You Be Happier if You Switched Doctors?

I’m working on my Happiness Project, and you could have one, too. Everyone’s project will look different, but it’s the rare person who can’t benefit. Join in—no need to catch up; just jump in right now. Each Friday’s post will help you think about your own happiness project.

Sometimes, by coincidence, several people mention the same happiness-boosting idea around the same time, so it hits me with particular force.

A wonderful doctor is a tremendous source of comfort and reassurance; over the last few weeks, four friends have mentioned to me how much happier they were after they switched doctors. In every case, they were seeing a doctor who didn’t appreciate the amount of pain they were in and who dismissed their efforts to try to explain the problem or find some solution.

One OB/GYN said something like “Women have babies every day. You just had a baby. So you’re in pain—get over yourself.” Turns out my friend had a broken pelvis! Another friend kept explaining to a doctor that his advice wasn’t yielding any results in her case. He implied that she wasn’t being diligent about following instructions. When she switched, the new doctor put her on a medication that cleared up the problem immediately. Etc.

Given the importance of trusting and respecting your doctor, why is it so hard to make a change? I myself find it practically impossible to prod myself to switch, once I have had even one appointment with a doctor.

First, we need to believe that the doctor is smart and correct. Switching away from a doctor signals that we no longer trust his or her judgment, and that’s scary, especially if there’s some particular cause for concern.

Second, what with the records and charts and everything, it’s confusing to know HOW to switch.

Third, inertia is so powerful. Switching means finding a better doctor, which means doing research, questioning your judgment, tracking down information, figuring out who takes your insurance, where the office is located, and so on.

However, when my 9-year-old was a baby, I switched to a different pediatrician in a flash. My maternal instinct swamped my usual reluctance to make a change, and once I decided that I didn’t like the doctor, I had no trouble telling his office that we were going elsewhere. Maybe a way to coax yourself into switching doctors is to think of yourself in the third person, or to imagine how you’d act if a member of your family were receiving the treatment you’ve been getting.

(As a side note, I use this trick frequently: If I’m not sure about my reaction to some event, I imagine someone describing the situation to me as if it happened to a stranger. That often clarifies my view. Along the same lines, I remember reading somewhere that writer Anne Lamott thinks about herself in the third person, to take better care of herself: “I’m sorry, Anne Lamott can’t accept that invitation to speak; she’s finishing a book so needs to keep her schedule clear.”)

Remember, too, that you’re helping other patients when you switch away from a bad doctor, because your switch demonstrates to a doctor that his or her treatment was unacceptable. I heard a lecture by a child-education specialist who said, “The only way that teachers know they’re assigning too much homework is when the most diligent kids can’t complete it. If you let your child stay up until 2 a.m. to finish, you’re not helping.” Same thing with a doctor.

Of course, tougher than making a switch from a bad doctor is having no choice about what doctor you see or having no doctor at all. It’s good to remember that.

* Have I mentioned lately how much I love Unclutterer?

* Interested in starting your own happiness project? If you’d like to take a look at my personal Resolutions Chart, for inspiration, just e-mail me at grubin, then the “at” sign, then gretchenrubin dot com. (Sorry about writing it in that roundabout way; I’m trying to thwart spammers.) Just write “Resolutions Chart” in the subject line.

Exercise Tips From a Recovering Couch Potato

Every Wednesday is Tip Day.
This Wednesday: Nine Tips To Keep Yourself Exercising

One of the most commonly made, and most frequently broken, New Year’s resolutions is the resolution to exercise more.

People who exercise are healthier, more energetic, think more clearly, sleep better, have delayed onset of dementia ... The list goes on.

There’s also a lot of research into the connection between exercise and happiness—some studies suggest that it provides a real boost, some studies suggest that while correlated, exercise isn’t a factor in making people happier. I’m interested to see what further studies reveal, but I’ve made up my own mind: In my experience, and the experience of everyone I know who exercises, exercise makes me calmer, more cheerful, and more alert.

But even once you’re convinced of the benefits, if you’re not inclined to exercise, it can be hard to adopt the habit. My favorite activity is reading in bed, and I don’t enjoy games of any sort, but over the years I’ve managed to transform myself into a regular exerciser by deploying these strategies:

1. Always exercise on Monday. This sets the psychological pattern for the week.

2. If at all possible, exercise first thing in the morning. The longer the day goes on, the more likely you are to get derailed.

3. Never skip exercising for three days in a row. You can skip a day, and you can skip two days, but on the third day, you must exercise no matter how inconvenient. (This rule is more effective than it sounds; it kept me exercising regularly during college.)

4. Give yourself credit for the smallest effort. When my father started running, he said that all he had to do was put on his running shoes and close the door behind him. I never push myself hard, because I know that if I did, I might stop exercising altogether. And don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good. The 15-minute walk you do take is better than the three-mile run you don't take.

5. If you don’t have time both to exercise and take a shower, find an activity that doesn’t require a shower afterward, like yoga or walking. I do an extremely tough weight-training regimen that doesn’t make me sweat. (And yes, it is effective, even with no sweat!)

6. Look for affordable ways to make exercising more pleasant or satisfying. Could you upgrade to a nicer gym? Buy yourself a new iPod? Work with a trainer? Get a pedometer? (They’re only $20.) A lot of people are feeling a real money crunch right now, but exercise is a high life priority, so if you can afford it, this is a place to spend some money if that helps.

7. Remind yourself of the benefits from exercising. Personally, I’m more motivated by short-term gratifications like “I’ll feel more focused” or “I’ll sleep better” than long-term considerations like “I’ll live longer” or “If I have surgery, I’ll recover quicker.” A trainer told me that, in her experience, men are more motivated by the idea of improving their performance (a better tennis game) or restoring an ability (climbing stairs without getting out of breath); women are more motivated by the promise of improving their appearance.

8. Think about context. If you find it much harder to go running in winter than summer, maybe the real trouble is that you don’t like the cold. Do you hate the loud music in your gym? Is your workout so exhausting that you can’t face the rest of your day?

9. When choosing an activity, a gym, or an exercise class, make convenience a top priority. You’re much more likely to go to a mediocre gym near your office or home than to a great gym that’s out of your way.

Apart from the happiness gain you'll get from the exercise, merely the fact that you've kept your resolution to yourself will boost your happiness.

* A blog I've enjoyed for a long time is Marginal Revolution. It's about economics—always interesting and often raises issues that touch directly on the subject of happiness.

* Interested in starting your own happiness project? If you’d like to take a look at my personal Resolutions Chart, for inspiration, just email me at grubin, then the “at” sign, then gretchenrubin dot com. Just write “Resolutions Chart” in the subject line.