-
sponsorship
Every Wednesday is Tip Day (or Quiz Day or List Day).
This Wednesday: Eleven myths of de-cluttering.
One of my great realizations about happiness (and a point oddly underemphasized by positive psychologists) is that outer order contributes to inner calm.
But as much as most of us want to keep our home, office, car, etc., in reasonable order, it’s tough. Here’s a list of some myths of de-cluttering that make it harder to get rid of stuff.
Myths of Cluttering:
1. "I need to get organized." No! Don't get organized is your first step.
2. "I need to be hyper-organized." I fully appreciate the pleasure of having a place for everything, and perhaps counterintuitively, I believe it’s easier to put things away in an exact place, rather than a general place (“the third shelf of the coat closet,” not “a closet.”) However, this impulse can become destructive: If you’re spending a lot of time alphabetizing your spices, organizing your shoes according to heel height, creating 80 categories for your home files, etc., consider whether you need to be quite so precisely organized. I find this particularly true with toys—I’ve spent hours sorting pretend food, Polly Pockets pieces, and tea sets, only to find everything a jumble the next day.
3. "I need some more inventive storage containers." See no. 1. If you get rid of everything you don’t need, you may not need any fancy containers.
4. "I need to find the perfect recipient for everything I’m getting rid of." It’s easier to get rid of things when you know that you’ll be giving them to someone who can use them, but don’t let this kind intention become a source of clutter itself. I have a friend who has multiple piles all over her house, each lovingly destined for a particular recipient. This is generous and thoughtful, but it contributes mightily to clutter. Try to find one or two good recipients, or if you really want to move your ex-stuff in multiple directions, create some kind of rigid system for moving it along quickly.
5. "I can’t get rid of anything that I might possibly need one day." How terrible would it be if you needed a glass jar and didn’t have one? Do you have gigantic stores of things like rubber bands or ketchup packets? How many coffee mugs does one family use?
6. "I might get that gizmo fixed." Face it. If you’ve had something for more than six months, and it’s still not repaired, it’s clutter.
7. "I might learn how to use that gizmo." Again, face it. If you’ve had a gizmo on the shelf for a year, and you’ve never used it to make gelato or label a sugar jar, it’s clutter.
8. "I might lose a ton of weight and then I’d fit into these clothes again." If you lose a bunch of weight, you’ll want to buy a new pair of jeans, not a pair you bought seven years ago.
9. "I need to keep this as a memento of a happy time." I’m a huge believer in mementos; remembering happy times in the past gives you a big happiness boost in the present. But ask yourself: Do I need to keep all these T-shirts to remind me of college, or can I keep a few? Do I need to keep an enormous desk to remind me of my grandfather, or can I use a photograph? Do I need 50 finger-painted pictures by my toddler, or is one enough to capture this time of life? Mementos work best when they’re carefully chosen—and when they don’t take up much room!
10. "I need to keep this, because the person who gave it to me might visit my house and be hurt when it’s not on display." Is that person really likely to visit? Is that person really likely to remember the gift? Will the person really be upset by the lack of viewing of the gift?
11. "If I have any available space, I should fill it up with something." No! One of my Secrets of Adulthood is Somewhere, keep an empty shelf. I know where my empty shelf is, and I treasure it.
* Today I had coffee with the fabulous Pamela Redmond Satran, author of many books, including the recent New York Times best-seller How Not To Act Old and the absolutely hilarious blog of the same name. Enter at your own risk—dangerously addictive, book and blog both.
* It’s Word-of-Mouth Wednesday! This is the day when I gently encourage (or, you might think, pester) you to spread the word about the Happiness Project. You might:
● Forward the link to someone you think would be interested
● Link to a post on Twitter
● Pre-order the book for a friend
● Put a link to the blog in your Facebook status update
Thanks! I really appreciate any help. Word of mouth is the best.
-
sponsorship
I’m working on my Happiness Project, and you could have one, too! Everyone’s project will look different, but it’s the rare person who can’t benefit. Join in—no need to catch up, just jump in right now. Each Friday’s post will help you think about your own happiness project.
One of my favorite things to do is to help my friends clear their clutter. It’s less emotionally taxing than clearing my own clutter, plus I don’t have any delicious, horrible piles left to tackle (OK, maybe I do have one messy pile of shirts in my closet). As a consequence, I’ve seen a lot of clutter and heard lots of people talk about their thoughts about clutter. And I’ve reached an important conclusion:
Don’t get organized.
When you’re facing a desk swamped in papers, or a closet bursting with clothes, or countertops littered with piles of random objects, don’t say to yourself, “I need to get organized.” Your first instinct should be to get rid of stuff. If you don’t keep it, you don’t have to organize it.
A huge amount of clutter is the result of keeping things you don’t use. “Well, I don’t have that problem,” you might think. “Why would I bother to keep something I don’t use?” But it’s easier than you think for this stuff to accumulate.
In fact, there are a surprising number of reasons to hang on to something you don’t use. Maybe you used this object in the past, and it has sentimental value—your 10-year-old’s old sippy cup. Maybe you wish you used this object, even though you never do—a set of hand weights. Maybe you want to pretend you live a life where this object would be useful—linen cocktail napkins. Maybe you’ve never used this thing, and you feel guilty about having wasted the money buying it—a bottle of decoupage glue. (All items that I held onto for years, without using, by the way.)
It can be painful to admit that you aren’t going to use certain possessions, but all that junk just gets in your way. Be honest with yourself.
When I’m helping people clear clutter, they often say, “I refuse to give that up! It’s got too much sentimental value to throw away.” I’m a big believer in keeping things for sentimental reasons, but it helps to admit that that’s what you’re doing and to act accordingly.
For example, a friend was keeping a huge pile of T-shirts she loved in college but no longer wore. She wanted to buy a special set of plastic shelves to put in her closet to organize them.
Instead, I asked her, “Do you need to keep all these T-shirts, or can you pick a few to jog your memory?” With some coaxing, she got rid of most of them. Once she was down to two T-shirts, I asked her, “Do you actually wear these T-shirts?” She didn’t, so we moved them out of the precious real estate of her closet and stuck them on the top shelf of a little-used closet.
People also say, “No, I’ve never used that, but maybe I will! It might come in handy!” Maybe it will—or maybe it won’t. Ask yourself: How easy would it be to replace this item? Have I ever used it? What else in my life would have to change for me to use this?
For example, my sister had huge amounts of paper clutter, and when we started going through it, I saw that she was hanging on to all sorts of statements and receipts. She wanted to buy a file box to file it all away neatly, but I disagreed. “You should just throw these papers away,” I said “Why do you them at all?” “Maybe I’ll need them,” she objected. But she’d never needed them in the past, and it wouldn’t have been hard to get copies, if she would ever need them. So we tossed all of it. Much easier than organizing it!
No surprise, I’ve noticed that it’s the people with the worst clutter problems who have the instinct to run to a store and buy complicated hangers, drawer compartments, etc. I love and use that stuff, too, but now I never let myself buy an item until it’s absolutely clear that it will help me put objects in order that are truly necessary—rather than act as a crutch to move clutter around or to jam more clutter into place.
So the next time you have the urge to get organized, and especially if you feel tempted to buy organizing doodads, first push yourself to throw away or give away the things you don’t actually use. (Here are 27 bonus tips for keeping your house in order.) You may find yourself left with nothing to organize.
Have you ever realized that you’ve been hanging on to something that you didn’t use? Why were you keeping it?
* Tonight I saw Marci Alboher, which reminded me how much I love to read her Working the New Economy blog. And oh, how I love stop-motion video—I watched this funny video on Gimundo.
* I send out short monthly newsletters that highlight the best of the previous month’s posts to about 28,000 subscribers. If you’d like to sign up, click here or e-mail me at grubin, then the “at” sign, then gretchenrubin dot com. (Sorry about that weird format—trying to to thwart spammers.) Just write “newsletter” in the subject line. It’s free.
-
sponsorship
One thing I've noticed in my study of happiness is that the positive-psychology literature on happiness largely ignores issues related to clutter and disorder, but pop culture is bursting with advice about mastering your stuff.
I've found that for myself, having an orderly, uncluttered environment greatly influences my sense of serenity -- so I have resolutions like Make my bed, Follow the one-minute rule, etc.
I wonder whether this characteristic is widely shared. Is having a well-ordered desk, office, and home is important to your happiness – or not?
Is outer order important to your happiness, or not?(online surveys)
* I sent out my April newsletter a few days ago, but only today did I notice that I'd passed the 20,000-subscriber mark. Zoikes! Thanks, everyone, for your enthusiasm. If you want to sign up, click here, or send me an email at gretchenrubin1 [at] gmail [dot com], and I'll add your name. (Use the usual email format -- that weirdness is to thwart spammers.) Just write "newsletter" in the subject line.
-
sponsorship
Every Wednesday is Tip Day (or Quiz Day).
This Wednesday: Quiz—Are you an Over-Buyer or an Under-Buyer?
I've posted this quiz before, but I can't resist putting it up again. This distinction encapsulates one of my very favorite (if not most weighty) personal insights into human nature: the difference between overbuyers and underbuyers. I also love the satisficer/maximizer distinction, but I didn't come up with that one myself.
It’s not particularly productive to be in too deep as an over- or under-buyer; both offer certain advantages but also some definite drawbacks.
Does one of these descriptions fit you?
You’re an overbuyer if …
—You buy several summer outfits for your as-yet-unborn baby, then it turns out he outgrows those clothes before the weather warms up.
—You often lay in huge supplies of slow-moving items like shampoo or cough medicine.
—You often make a purchase, such as a tool or tech gadget, with the thought, “This will probably come in handy.”
—You have a long list of stores to visit before you travel.
—You find yourself throwing things away—milk, medicine, even cans of soup—because they’ve hit their expiration date.
—You buy items with the thought, “This will make a great gift!” without having a recipient in mind.
—You think, “Buying these things shows that I’m responsible, organized, and thoughtful.”
You’re an underbuyer if…
—You buy saline solution, which you use every morning and night, one bottle at a time.
—You often scramble to buy an item like a winter coat or bathing suit after the point at which you need it—and often, these items are sold out by the time you show up at a store.
—You’re suspicious of specialized objects and resist buying things dedicated very specific uses: suit bags, special plastic plates and cutlery for children, hand cream, rain boots, hair conditioner.
—You often need to come up with a makeshift solution, such using soap because you’ve run out of shaving cream, because you don’t have what you need.
—You often consider buying an item, then decide, “I’ll get this some other time” or “Maybe we don’t really need this.”
—If you must buy something, you buy as little as possible—say, by putting $10 of gas in the car.
—You think, “Not buying these things shows that I’m frugal and not a consumerist sucker.”
Me? I’m an underbuyer.
Underbuyers feel stressed because we don’t have the things we need. We make a lot of late-night runs to the drugstore. (I constantly run out of saline solution.) We’re surrounded with things that are shabby, don’t really work, or aren’t exactly suitable.
Overbuyers feel stressed because they’re hemmed in by stuff. They often don’t have enough storage space for everything they’ve bought, or they can’t find what they have. They feel oppressed by the number of errands they believe they need to do, and by the waste and clutter often created by their overbuying.
So underbuyers, buy what you need, without procrastination! Don’t wait for the first morning of your ski trip to buy ski gloves!
Overbuyers, think it over before you whip out your wallet! You don’t need a 10-year supply of toothpaste!
What do you think? Do you recognize yourself in either of these categories?
* A friend, Melanie Rehak, has started a terrific new blog, Eating for Beginners—"on food, farming, and raising a family." My favorite feature is the "Friday Food Writers," when Melanie quotes a wonderful food-related passage from literature. Delicious! Her book by the same name will be published next year, and I can't wait to get my hands on it—and I'm not even a foodie.
* Consider starting a group—organized around happiness projects! (Or a book group focused on happiness books.) I'm busily creating the starter kit to send out to anyone who is interested. If you want a starter kit, e-mail me at gretchenrubin1 [at] gmail [dot com], and I'll add your name. (Use the usual email format—that weirdness is to thwart spammers). Just write "happiness-project group" in the subject line. Or sign up here.
-
sponsorship
As I’ve worked on my happiness project, I’ve been very surprised by how energizing and cheering I find it to clear clutter. In fact, when I’m jonesing for a happiness boost, I’ve been known to beg my friends to let me help them clean out their closets.
One of my favorite books about clearing clutter is Julie Morgenstern’s classic Organizing From the Inside Out
, which I find helpful, realistic, and inspiring. (I've read it a couple of times.) She has a new book that just came out, which is also terrific: SHED Your Stuff, Change Your Life
.
The thing that distinguishes her approach is her emphasis on the reasons for clutter. Clutter isn’t just a matter of not having enough closet space. There are psychological reasons that you hang onto things, and when you acknowledge that aspect of clutter, you’re able to get rid of more and also to get more energy from the process. Julie Morgenstern has done a lot of thinking about happiness, as it relates to managing our possessions and time.
Gretchen: What’s a simple activity that consistently makes you happier?
Julie: First and foremost, dancing. For all of my life, dancing. No matter what’s on my mind, I am instantly transported the minute I start dancing. The music and movement take me out of my head and into my body, as well as someone else’s musical composition, rhythm, sensibility, emotions. I enjoy all types of dance … from swing and salsa, to folk and freestyle.
What’s something you know now about happiness that you didn’t know when you were 18?
That a big ingredient to happiness is non-work-related fun. I always got great joy from my work and still do, but when I was younger, I connected happiness to achievement … and almost felt guilty taking time for fun. Now, I cherish the balance, having fun at work, and also having fun at play. I know this doesn't sound like a radical concept, but it’s been a big a-ha for me over the years.
If you’re feeling blue, how do you give yourself a happiness boost? Or, like a “comfort food,” do you have a comfort activity? (Mine is reading children’s books.)
I go to Central Park. Being around people … the many characters, stories, scenes, energy, and warmth of others pulls me out of my own troubles and lifts my mood. It’s an instant antidote. And, I must confess, organizing something helps—a drawer, a bookcase, a closet—it’s a way of taking control of what I can, which boosts my calm and confidence.
Is there anything that you see people around you doing or saying that adds a lot to or detracts a lot from their happiness?
The primary difference between happy and unhappy people is the sense of personal control or victimization. As a consultant and speaker, most of the people I encounter feel like they are masters of their own lives and are a joy to work with. Together, we work out a plan to overcome any obstacles they have to achieving their goals. But periodically, I encounter people who feel like victims, and those people are never happy. No one is happy when they feel trapped, but I don’t believe any of us is ever trapped. Other than in the case of illness, we have the power to create and change our circumstances and continuously grow, learn, and improve our lives. And even in the most adverse situations, people who choose happiness find nuggets of joy and something to gain from each experience.
Have you always felt about the same level of happiness, or have you been through a period when you felt exceptionally happy or unhappy?
I am a fundamentally happy person. Throughout my life, whenever I find myself in circumstances that distract from my happiness, I do whatever it takes to change those circumstances. And sometimes, that change is simply a matter of changing my perspective of a situation—and finding the opportunity in it. I consider life to be an adventure and a privilege and do everything I can to enjoy and get the most out of it.
Is there a happiness mantra or motto that you find very helpful?
"People are just about as happy as they make up their minds to be."—Abraham Lincoln
* If you haven't seen my one-minute movie, The Years Are Short, you might enjoy it.
-
sponsorship
Something that always cheers me—when I can muster the energy to do it—is to tidy up. I find it relaxing to put things away, and the resulting order calms my mind. Chucking junk mail, putting dirty clothes in the hamper, arranging everything to fit in the medicine cabinet … these kinds of activities never fail me. When I'm feeling blue, to take action to make an improvement, no matter how insignificant that improvement may be, is a tonic.
Over the past few years, I’ve thought a lot about the happiness power of clutter-clearing, and I discovered something surprising. Although I would have thought it would be easier to put things away in general areas—the coat closet, any kitchen drawer—it’s actually much more satisfying to return items to a highly specific location.
One of life’s small pleasures is to return something to its proper and precise place; putting the flashlight on the second shelf in the coat closet gives me the archer’s satisfaction of hitting a mark. Have you ever seen those peg boards where people have outlined their tools or their kitchen implements, to show where each thing belongs? (I think Julia Child had one.) That’s exactly what I’m talking about.
Now I strive to have an exact place for everything in my whole apartment (except toys—I just throw Polly Pockets and stuffed animals into whatever box, drawer, or shelf is closest, or else I would never have time to do anything else). Obviously, this system makes it easier to find the things I need, which boosts my happiness, but it also boosts my happiness to have that deep sense of placement.
* A friend set me a link to the blog Inchmark, where Brooke Reynolds has a great idea: Every time one of her children says something funny, she writes it on a piece of paper and puts it in a jar. When she's feeling blue, she reaches into the jar to pull out a quotation. I write those funny things in my one-sentence journal, but putting them in a jar is much more colorful and accessible.
* Interested in starting your own happiness project? If you’d like to take a look at my personal Resolutions Chart, for inspiration, just e-mail me at grubin, then the “at” sign, then gretchenrubin dot com. (Sorry about writing it in that roundabout way; I’m trying to thwart spammers.) Just write “Resolutions Chart” in the subject line.