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The How I Met Your Mother Shame Index: Episode 9

Every family has its Thanksgiving traditions. This year, How I Met Your Mother officially made the slap bet the centerpiece of its annual celebration.

Shameful:

—The notion that a turkey left behind in a cab would end up in the lost and found at Port Authority. HIMYM occasionally makes keen observations about life in New York. This was not such an occasion.

—The "you're dead to me" look. The Shame Index has previously noted that HIMYM would do well to avoid special effects, but this episode yet again leaned heavily on effects for comedy. The reasons Lily had for disavowing characters like her bridesmaid—"I'm just not a fan of strapless"—and Mr. Park were funny, but the glowing eyes routine got old quick. And Mr. Park's actual death at the end of the episode was a contrived, maudlin twist.

—The attempt to recapture the magic of the original Slapsgiving episode. The Shame Index doesn't necessarily think this sequel was doomed to fail—the long shelf life of the slap bet is part of what makes it so funny—but fail it did. The transferability of slaps was a clever idea, and an apt one coming from lawyer Marshall. But the bickering over whether Robin or Ted would get to bestow the slap grew tiresome, as did the slap puns, which failed to capture the spirit of one-upsmanship of the previous Slapsgiving.

—Related: As Amos Barshad has noted on Vulture, one of the strangest aspects of the Robin-Barney arc was how unfazed Ted was by the relationship. Last night, during the argument over who would get to slap Barney, Ted announces that he's angry that Robin slept with one of his best friends. Was some repressed issue with Swarkles finally rearing its ugly but understandable and potentially dramatic head? Nope! It was merely slap-bet brinksmanship.

—Also related: Is the Shame Index alone in feeling upset on Barney's behalf vis-a-vis the slap? That the slap-bet commissioner could herself become a slapper via a transfer of slapping rights seems to the Shame Index a prima facie conflict of interest. And while a slap bet is inherently rough justice, was it not cruel and unusual of Marshall to bestow on Barney a fake pardon the moment before delivering the brutal fourth slap? The slap bet must be governed by the rule of law. The Shame Index would like his objection noted for the record.

Awesome:

—Guest star Christina Pickles. Yes, sitcom fans: Pickles, who played Judy Geller on Friends, showed up last night as Lily's grandmother. A conscious nod to the debt HIMYM owes Friends? Or just casting happenstance? The Index likes to think it's the former.

—Mickey's board games. They weren't all funny, and some were funnier than others, but the Index did enjoy Tijuana Slumlord, Dog Fight Promoter, and, especially, There's a Clown Demon Under the Bed. Donna Bowman of the AV Club spied in the background of Mickey's apartment a prototype for a game called Landmine Lunge, which is also inspired. The episode pushed the joke too far in the end, however, with the exploding gallbladder filled with lead paint and horse bile. The final bit—a fake '80s-style ad for a slap-based board game—was likewise just silly.

—Marshall's appearance via video link at the weekly Eriksen family dinner. (Does the fact that Marshall's dad is played by Bill Fagerbakke of Coach bolster the argument that HIMYM pays homage to sitcoms of yore through its casting? Was Carter Bays also a big fan of Get a Life?)

—"Well then we'll just give him some dark meat."

In other news, the Index was pleased to see Carter Bays forced to account for HIMYM's poor handling of the Barney and Robin relationship, even if his response was far from satisfactory. The Index was also happy to see that he is not alone in finding the treatment of Swarkles problematic. Time's James Poniewozik, in a response to last week's episode, put his finger on what's so odd about the abrupt breakup: Last season, HIMYM convinced us that even Barney—promiscuous, solipsistic Barney—has a real emotional life. Now the series wants us to forget about it. Ain't that a slap in the face.

Previous Shame Indices: Episode 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8

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The How I Met Your Mother Shame Index: Episode 8

Last week's episode of How I Met Your Mother proved to be controversial. The Shame Index pronounced it the worst of the season. Vulture called it the best. Others were somewhere in between. There was some disagreement about whether Barney in a fat suit was funny or, as the Index argued, plain lazy. But the more serious issue was the treatment of the relationship between Barney and Robin. It seems that many fans of HIMYM had quickly soured on the romance—they wanted the old Barney back.

They got him. This week's episode was given over almost entirely to Barney's scams, cons, hustles, hoodwinks, gambits, stratagems, and bamboozles. And flimflams.

Shameful:

—MILSWANCA. We live in a post-MILF Island world. There's no going back to MILSW-.

—The flashback within a flashback. It wasn't at all clear to the Shame Index why this episode required a second layer of recollection. Couldn't Lily have intercepted the blonde (Sarah Wright, last seen making out with Mad Men's Pete Campbell after her failed Maidenform audition) before The Scuba Diver was to begin in earnest and warned her then of Barney's plot? HIMYM is typically masterful in its handling of chronology—memories often inspire other memories, so it's natural when Bob Saget stops a story and rewinds further to explain. Here it just felt unnecessarily complicated.

—Robin joining in the chorus of "hell no" when Ted asks rhetorically whether he'd consider dating a woman Barney had hooked up with. Um, you're one of those women now, Robin.

—SNASA. Actually, SNASA is pretty funny. But the writers stepped on a fragile joke with Smoon and Smoron.

—Don. That guy is going to be the love of Robin's life? She deserves better. (The Shame Index recognizes this is a snap judgment based on the briefest glimpse of the guy. But come on.)

Awesome:

—"Civil Union and planning to get married pending passage of legislation currently on the floor of the New York State Senate." Funny and timely.

—Marshall's fumbling comparison of Barney to Stephen King.

—Marshall's extended frozen waffles metaphor, followed up by his quite serious request that Robin pick up some frozen waffles.

—As indicated above, some of the gambits from Barney's playbook were better than others (whereas Robin's two-volume playbook is thrilling from cover to cover). But, on balance, Barney's collection of strategies were imaginative, cleverly enacted, and handsomely calligraphed. Of particular merit:

—The Lorenzo von Matterhorn—"spelled like it sounds." Kudos to Barney for his inspired set of fake Web sites, and to the art director of this episode for actually making the Internet look like the Internet. (The cartoonish rendering of Web sites on network television is a pet peeve of the Shame Index.)

—The Ted Mosby. Barney impersonating Ted—that can't help but be funny.

—The Cheap Trick. Elegant in its simplicity.

The Shame Index suspects that most viewers were thrilled to have the old, promiscuous Barney back last night. The Index enjoyed seeing him in action as well, but couldn't shake a nagging feeling—that HIMYM fans were on the wrong end of a different cheap trick. The series spent nearly an entire season establishing what felt like a very real, very believable relationship between Barney and Robin, only to abruptly dissolve it last week on the thinnest pretense. Barney and Robin deserved better than that, and so do viewers, who were led to believe the series was invested in its characters enough see the relationship through. Barney's coup de grâce in this week's episode was to land the blonde by feigning sympathy for Robin's lingering sadness about their breakup. It felt like a joke on the audience—you fell for that whole Barney and Robin thing? Sucker. You thought for a moment that Barney felt empathy for Robin? Sucker. Robin seemed unfazed by all this, but it may be a while before the Shame Index can fully appreciate Barney's antics again.

Previous Shame Indices: Episode 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7

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The How I Met Your Mother Shame Index: Episode 7

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The How I Met Your Mother Shame Index: Episode 6

Look at you, had a relationship for five minutes and think you can play with the big boys. That's adorable. Son, I been in a relationship since you had a ponytail and were playing Dave Matthews on your mama's Casio. I'm a good boyfriend in my sleep. I can rock a killer foot rub with one hand and brew a kick-ass cup of chamomile with the other that would make you weep. Hell, I've forgotten more about microwaving fat free popcorn and watching Sandra Bullock movies than you'll ever know. But thanks for your concern, rook.

The How I Met Your Mother Shame Index: Episode 5

—The havoc Gazola's (sp?) pizza visits on Ted and Marshall's gastrointestinal systems.

—Crumpet Manor.

—The "shrimp fried rice" chant.

—Everything about Goodbye, Sparky: The pitch-perfect send-up of maudlin doggy lit, matching Kenny Rogers's honeyed drawl with the text, actually getting Rogers to do the voice work, Marshall and Ted's reconciliation after learning a valuable lesson from Sparky's story. A brilliantly conceived and executed gag.

The greatest Kenny Rogers-themed sitcom episode remains "The Chicken Roaster," from the eighth season of Seinfeld, in which Kramer becomes addicted to chicken from Kenny Rogers Roasters. But kudos to HIMYM for crafting a fine part for one of our finest musical talents.

Previous Shame Indices: Episode 1, 2, 3, 4

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The How I Met Your Mother Shame Index: Episode 4

Episode 4 finds How I Met Your Mother still wrestling with how to handle Barney and Robin's relationship—and still not quite finding the right formula.

Shameful:
—The sexless innkeeper: Doggerel. Period costumes. HIMYM was trying too hard, probably because the idea of the sexless innkeeper just wasn't that funny to begin with.

—The couples courtship: There were elements of awesomeness in this plotline (see below), but the joke about the parallels with singles courtship ran out of gas well before the episode came to a close. Here, too, the writers seemed to be straining for laughs.

—The tweed jokes.

—Marshall's obsession with photo montages set to music. The Shame Index has historically been obsessed with Marshall's obsessions, but this one was just silly. It was also the second time in this young season that HIMYM has relied on a woman's deep love of cats for comedy. Felt lazy.

—www.itwasthebestnightever.com: A funny idea, having Marshall make a Web site to commemorate the couple's night with Barney and Robin, but the execution was off. It didn't look anything like a Web site, which distracted from what was a great original musical composition by Marshall.

Awesome:
—www.itwasthebestnightever.com: Now this is funny. Not only did CBS register the domain, but it also ponied up for a video of Marshall performing his song about the couples night—accompanied by Extreme's Nuno Bettencourt! Indeed, the video turns out to be a remarkably faithful homage to the video for Extreme's classic ballad "More Than Words." Best HIMYM Easter egg ever?

—Marshall's overeager retelling of his story about Sammy Hagar and the waffle. Also: The fact that Marshall's Sammy-Hagar-and-the-waffle story turns out to be that he once saw Sammy Hagar eating a waffle.

—The glimpses of Marshall and Lily's previous failed couples nights: "If you leave now, Colonel Mustard just gets away with it!"

—"Don't sleep on the gouda"—and pretty much all the gouda jokes. The Shame Index is a sucker for a nice aged gouda, especially when presented with "sturdy cheese-bearing crackers."

—The sexless innkeeper produced one funny line. "Don't charge for wifi," Barney admonishes Innkeeper Ted. "It seems greedy." So true.

Even accounting for the legendary Easter egg, this episode was on balance more shameful than awesome. It needed something stronger than the sexless innkeeper to take pressure off of the couples plotline. But chin up, HIMYM fan—there are reasons to be proud of your sitcom this week. Viewers who also enjoy NBC's The Office might have noticed that the much ballyhooed wedding of Jim and Pam took a page out of the HIMYM playbook. Overwhelmed by the events leading up to their wedding, Jim and Pam steal away from the church, elope on the Maid of the Mist, and then return for the wedding ceremony. Sound familiar? In Season 2 of HIMYM, Marshall and Lily, overwhelmed by the events leading up to their wedding, steal away from the church, elope in a quiet park, and then return for the wedding ceremony. A case of borrowing, or just great minds thinking alike? If Michael Scott makes a "Tabooty call" later this season, we'll have our answer.

Previous Shame Indices: Episode 1, 2, 3

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The How I Met Your Mother Shame Index: Episode 3

Last week's dud of an episode had the Shame Index expressing concern that Barney and Robin's nascent romance might be problematic for this season of How I Met Your Mother—could these two be funny together? This week's solid effort answered the question with a reassuring yes.

Shameful:
—Robin's opening of Barney's briefcase with a sledgehammer. A shade too broad. Plus, would that even work?

—Marshall's beloved barrel, which felt like an afterthought—something to keep Marshall busy in an episode that didn't have much use for him.

—Barney's Twitter joke. Twitter jokes will surely be popping up all over sitcoms this fall. Prediction: Zero of them will be funny.

—Barney's Barack Obama Jr. pickup line. Another strained attempt at unnecessary topicality.

Awesome:
—Lily's declaration that Robin Scherbatsky is many things: "friend, confidante, occasional guest star in some confusing dreams that remind me a woman's sexuality is a moving target."

—Lily's professed allergy to barrel resin. The only good thing to come of the barrel plot.

—Pretty much all of the Robin Scherbatsky 101 bit. Kudos to the HIMYM writers for taking two plot strands that had the Shame Index concerned about this season—Robin and Barney's relationship and Ted's teaching gig—and combining them for quality comedy. Of particular merit:

—The three ways of distracting Robin from being mad at you, especially her soft spot for the mating rituals of empire penguins.

—The top five things never to do around Robin. Occasionally, HIMYM will leave some of its best material as an Easter egg for the close viewer. Last season, when Marshall became obsessed with Goliath National Bank's graphics department, he commissioned a chart ranking the U.S. presidents in order of how dirty their names sound. He only announced the top four—Johnson, Bush, Harding, Polk—but the list was printed big enough for viewers to see that Bush was also ranked ninth, which took the joke to a whole new level of hilarious complexity: Why is one Bush's name dirtier than the other's? Last night, a bonus item not to do around Robin was scrawled on the chalkboard but never read aloud: "mention hockey's lack of popularity in the U.S."

—Ted's hypercorrect pronunciation of Beaux Arts, which came out sounding like "bozarts."

—Shin Ya, who is auditing Robin 101. Just on the right side of the thin line separating amusing and harmful stereotype.

—You know an episode is more awesome than shameful when even Ted's sappy moral has some bite: "When you're dating someone, it's like you're taking one long course in who that person is. Then when you break up, all that stuff becomes useless. It's like the emotional equivalent of an English degree."

So: A fine return to form this week. In other HIMYM news, Rachel Bilson, late of The OC, has been cast in what executive producer Craig Thomas touts as a pivotal role in the series' upcoming 100th episode, raising the possibility that she is the one for Ted. Knowing how HIMYM's producers love to milk this mystery for all it's worth, however, the Shame Index hereby pledges to eat its shoe if Bilson turns out to be the eponymous mother.

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[Update, 5:18pm, Oct. 6th: Corrected the spelling of Scherbatsky. The Shame Index must have cut that class of Robin 101.]

The How I Met Your Mother Shame Index: Episode 2

In last week's inaugural How I Met Your Mother Shame Index, I tried to capture the powerful feeling of disappointment the sitcom can inspire in even its most committed fans. More often than not, the show is great fun, but when it misses the mark, it can miss widely, inspiring feelings of embarrassment: I made an appointment for this television? Last night's episode was full of such misses.

Shameful:

—The central conceit: That in 2009, Ted is unwittingly repeating a blind date he went on in 2002. A healthy willingness to suspend disbelief is required to appreciate HIMYM, but this strained credulity too far. At first, Ted and Jen don't remember each other at all. But once they realize they've been on this date before, a series of very specific details come right back to them. Plus, we know of several women that Ted has dated for long stretches between '02 and '09—Robin, Stella, Victoria. How many one-and-done dates has he really been on during that time frame? Barney would have forgotten this woman during his cab ride home, but not Ted.

—The cheap moral of the repeat blind date: Ted realizes he wants to hold out for a woman who does find his shellfish joke funny. Making us all a little less interested in finding out who the mother is.

—Ted and Jane watching two rotund people have sex from Ted's rooftop—a blatant rip-off of the old Ugly Naked Guy routine from Friends.

—The strip club that Barney takes Marshall to. This is CBS, not HBO, but even by network standards this joint was unconvincing. It was lit like a dentist's office.

—The gang's doppelgänger. Close call: This had the feel of a great HIMYM bit, but it didn't quite deliver. Making Robin butch wasn't a wild enough leap—she's already got a butch, hockey-loving side. Stripper Lily could have been amusing, but wasn't: The closing bit, in which Alyson Hannigan tries out an Eastern European accent, was embarrassing for everyone. Mustache Marshall—aka Senor Justicia—was admittedly kind of great.

Awesome:

—2002 Ted's goatee. HIMYM has always done an impressive job of using hair and/or facial hair to mock its characters' former selves. Though this is also a gag that was perfected by Friends.

—Barney's use of the (annual) "Origins of Chewbacca" exhibit to lure Marshall—and previously Ted—on adventures.

—Marshall's inability to fantasize about women other than Lily unless he first imagines that she has succumbed to a chronic disease. This was the rare instance when dragging the joke out made it more funny, not less. When Lily referred to "that busty delivery girl from that one time" it was amusing; when the priest at her funeral repeated it, it was hilarious.

Is it too early to worry that the Barney and Robin relationship is going to do harm to HIMYM? There was a conspicuous drop in awesome Barney moments this episode. Let's hope it was a fluke.

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Introducing the How I Met You Mother Shame Index

How I Met Your Mother, which entered its fifth season last night on CBS, resembles Friends in its outlines. Both sitcoms follow a group of young men and women coming of age in New York City. But there's also something similar in the experience of being a fan of the two shows—namely, a suspicion that it might be cooler not to be a fan. There's no shame in admitting that you spent a night watching Seinfeld reruns—Ooh, which ones? goes the response. With Friends, a certain sheepishness attaches. What did you do last night? Um, caught this great episode of Friends on TBS, where Ross and Rachel ... Never mind.

Being a fan of HIMYM is a bit like that, and not without reason. While the show boasts one of the best characters on any current sitcom—Neil Patrick Harris' rightly celebrated Barney Stinson—it also features one of the most frustrating: Josh Radnor's Ted Mosby, whose painfully earnest pursuit of true love can bog down an otherwise rip-roaring episode full of ribald wordplay and hysterical gags. At its best, the show is funny and heartwarming; at its worst, plain sappy. To help fans decide whether to don their MacLaren's T-shirts or keep their love undercover like Barney and Robin, Brow Beat is inaugurating a new feature, The HIMYM Shame Index. Each week, we'll enumerate the latest episode's great moments and its embarrassing ones and decide whether Mother has made us proud.

Shameful:

—Robin's use of the tired phrase "slow your roll."

—The endless talk about "the talk."

—The episode's persistent use of Vampire Weekend's "Oxford Comma"; HIMYM's creators seem to have a soft spot for indie rock, and while in the past they've been known to underscore a broken heart (Ted's, natch) with an apt Pavement track, this felt like a reach for hipness.

—Ted's lame dream sequence. Really, the forgot-to-wear-pants thing? You're better than that, HIMYM.

Awesome:

—Marshall chiding Lily for not using her "indoor ‘woo!' " Adorable.

—Barney and Robin's use of flugelhorn as a code word for when things have gone too far in bed or, later, in their fledgling relationship.

—Barney's disdain for brunch.

—"T-Dog, you're in the wrong room bro." And just about the whole scene in the economics classroom—HIMYM is at its best when it's playing Ted's earnestness for laughs. His uncertainty about how to spell professor was particularly amusing.

—Marshall's unilateral declaration of Tuxedo Night. "Didn't we meet on a yacht?"

All in all, more to be proud about than ashamed of in this episode, plus some very good signs for the rest of the season: The Robin and Barney plotline shows promise, and Cobie Smulders and Alyson Hannigan are no longer hiding obvious pregnancies behind flouncy tops and preposterously large handbags.

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