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Tomorrow, Apple's iPad glides into stores, and I've been contemplating getting one. Actually, contemplation hasn't had much to do with it—I've been pawing (and pinching, and caressing, and doing all sorts of multi-touching) extremely pretty images of the thing on my computer screen, lost in full-on drool mode. Hype is powerful like that, and I've been hoping for someone to come and multi-smack some sense into me. Is this thing actually worth getting?
The New York Times' David Pogue, the Awl's Choire Sicha, and BoingBoing's Cory Doctorow have, in separate pieces, put forward an ardor-dispelling case against the iPad.
Pogue, in the final paragraph of his generally mixed review: "The iPad is not a laptop. It's not nearly as good for creating stuff. On the other hand, it's infinitely more convenient for consuming it."
Sicha builds a similar point into a much less charitable argument: The iPad is "useless as anything but a consumption device," and "actively resist[s] the urges of people to make things."
And Doctorow is still harsher, enlisting an extremely un-pretty image from the sci-fi writer William Gibson: "The model of interaction with the iPad is to be a 'consumer,' what William Gibson memorably described as 'something the size of a baby hippo, the color of a week-old boiled potato, that lives by itself, in the dark, in a double-wide on the outskirts of Topeka. It's covered with eyes and it sweats constantly. The sweat runs into those eyes and makes them sting. It has no mouth ... no genitals, and can only express its mute extremes of murderous rage and infantile desire by changing the channels on a universal remote.' "
It seems the iPad has become a focal point for some long-festering grumblings about the old, underdog Apple vs. new, architect-glasses, ersatz-creative Apple. Doctorow points out that the old Apple ][+ came packaged with under-the-hood schematics should users want to take apart the watch and play with it. He cites a rallying cry for the curious: "Screws not glue."
How long before someone creates a remix of Apple's famous "1984" ad, in which a woman hurls a sledgehammer through a giant, wall-mounted iPad, freeing the poor, app-opiated drones in its thrall?
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Tomorrow, Steve Jobs will reveal the real Apple Tablet, but I, for one, am going to miss the fake Apple Tablet. Ever since rumors of the rumored project began to surface, the Internet has been seeded with renderings of what the supposed iPad, iSlate, Magic Slate, or Apple Book will look like. On Jan. 13, Valleywag threw some gasoline on to the fire by offering 10 grand for "bona fide" photos and 20 grand for video of "one in action." No one has claimed the prize, but there have been some amusing fakes along the way.
The faker's options are 1) go with the blurry, spycam Web shot of mysterious origin or 2) test your photoshop skillz and release a high-res image. Just this morning, what many have deemed the finest high-res fake has emerged. The supposed Tablet has the right proportions and a lovely slimness, but the image is considered counterfeit because of suspect drop shadows and unconvincing reflections.
Next are the obvious, skylarking fakes. My favorite of these was this "expert mock-up" reprinted in the Guardian, which was just a stupidly massive iPhone filled with apps. I also like the images of people trying (and failing) to shove the new iPad into their pockets. Another genre is what you could call random-dudes-holding-the-Apple-Magic-Tablet-in-their-cubicles. Their faces are blurred out, and the image is clearly false, because there aren't seven other dudes gathered around clamoring to play with the new gadget.
That's not to say that all fake Tablets are worthless. This one coolly places the Tablet in situ with a coffee cup, plus draped-over headphones, suggesting that the iSlatepad has become a trusted and beloved accessory in someone's life. The image is also, reportedly, a fairly good rendering of what the real one will look like. But I tip my hat to the best fake of them all: the two pieces of cardboard that the guys at Gizmodo put together to test out what the Tablet future will feel like. Turns out that the screen seems pretty small.
Can't wait for my new iSquint.
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Farhad Manjoo reports from San Francisco:
Steve Jobs walked slowly on to the stage this morning at Apple's iPod press event, his first public appearance since undergoing a liver transplant earlier this year. Jobs looked thin, but was otherwise full of energy, and seemed—from afar, at least—in much better health than he did last year at this time. "I'm very happy to be here with you all," he said. "I now have the liver of a mid-20s person who died in a car crash. I wouldn't be here without such generosity."
There'd been much speculation about whether he'd show up today. Even before Jobs' medical leave, Apple had been moving away from having Jobs headline all its events. This seemed wise—Steve Jobs isn't going to be Apple's CEO forever, and it only made sense to groom other executives to take on Jobs' main public role: launching new products. On the other hand, Jobs still commands a room like no other corporate titan, and Apple sees enormous rewards—in press coverage and in fan obsession—from his public appearances. Today's press event suggests that Jobs isn't going anywhere soon; he'll continue to share the stage with other Apple executives, but there's no doubt about who is still in charge at Apple. "I'm vertical, back at Apple, and loving it," he said.
As for today's product reveal, there were no major surprises. Apple added a video camera and FM radio to the iPod Nano, updated iTunes, and added a few new features to the iPhone and iPod Touch—pretty much everything that Apple-watchers had expected. Also, Norah Jones appeared to perform a couple songs. Apple's most anticipated product—the rumored tablet computer—didn't show. Maybe the next time we see Steve.
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If we are what we Google, then Google Hot Trends—an hourly rundown of search terms "that experience sudden surges in popularity"—is the Web's best cultural barometer. Here's a sampling of today's top searches. (Rankings on Hot Trends list current as of 9 a.m.)
No 1: "alexis cohen death." Alexis Cohen, the 25-year-old American Idol contestant famous for flipping off Simon in Seasons 7 and 8, was killed in a hit-and-run this morning in Seaside Heights, N.J. "She had a very, very high regard for Simon Cowell ... that [ranting] was done purposely to get ratings," her mother told themorningcall.com. Idol judge Paula Abdul tweeted today: "My heart goes out to the family of Alexis Cohen."
No 19: "apple tablet." The Financial Times today confirmed the widespread rumors that Apple is launching a tablet computer in September, leading to much speculation about the device. The FT report suggests that Apple is trying to revitalize the multi-song album by letting consumers see liner notes and album art; Forbes thinks iPhone App developers will be hurt by the tablet because of the added hassle of programming for a second platform; Wired sees the tablet as a potential "Kindle killer" if it's got sufficient battery life.
"No. 35: stephon marbury." What do NBA free agents do while waiting to be signed? On Friday, troubled former Knicks guard Stephon Marbury streamed his life to the Internet for 24 hours straight on Ustream.tv. A sample of the poetry that came out of his face during that time, courtesy of Deadspin: "UStream TV, you see me. Holla back if the window is crack. Whatup, Star. Born. you know who you are. Holla. I love Canada. 'Ohhh, Canada. We'—I love that song. I love y'all's anthem. That anthem is dope. And I love when I come there and they sing it. I love hearing it. It's fresh. Now, I never suck no wee-wee before."
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If we are what we Google, then Google Hot Trends—an hourly rundown of search terms "that experience sudden surges in popularity"—is the Web's best cultural barometer. Here's a sampling of today's top searches. (Rankings on Hot Trends list current as of 9 a.m.)
No. 1 "laura ling": On Monday, the highest court in North Korea sentenced two Current TV journalists to 12 years hard labor. Laura Ling and Euna Lee were filming a segment about the trafficking of women along the Chinese-North Korean border when they allegedly crossed into the DPRK illegally. Lisa Ling, formerly a host on The View, is pleading for her sister's release. The AP quotes a South Korean professor who says Monday's sentencing has actually "paved the way for ... a diplomatic solution"—by North Korean law "a pardon can only be issued after a conviction and ... the regime's courts were not about to find the reporters innocent."
No. 7 "greg grossman": If you love TV chefs but don't trust anyone over 15, rejoice: The Hollywood Reporter says "professional teen chef" Greg Grossman has a realty-TV deal. Last month, the Chicago Tribune did a Q & A with the 14-year-old molecular gastronomist, detailing his jones for dehydrated anchovy salt and sake foam. "[P]lease don't think it's all flashy and stuff," he said. "I see it as a way of enhancing the flavors of a dish. It's more about decorating the room than building it."
No. 10 "wwdc": Googlers are eager for scoops on the Worldwide Developers Conference—aka the event at which Apple might reveal some amazing new iPhone. While most analysts and rumormongers believe that new software will be today's focus, one of Google Trends' top related searches is "iphone 4g." Examiner.com runs through some of the features that might be included on such a next-gen device: 3.2 megapixel camera! More storage! FM radio!