Dear TAPS guys --
This is a joke, right? I mean, it would have to be-- you guys asking to be my friend on MySpace? Because honestly, it's really difficult to believe that anybody -- even self-proclaimed "ghost hunters" -- would actually ask someone like me, someone who has devoted their entire life to debunking pseudoscientific nonsense (like say, ghost hunting), to be their friend.
I'm struggling with this one, guys. Really, I'm trying to understand. Why would you do this? Let's see if I can scare up (haha! Get it? A little ghost humor!) a reason.
Well, first, it's not really for your official TAPS stuff, it's for your new radio show. Maybe you just want publicity for it? But, no, that can't be it; you have literally 7 times as many MySpace friends as I do. And the kind of folks who sign up to be my friend tend to be critical thinkers, and the last thing you need is to get a bunch of people looking critically at what you do!
OK, so maybe it was just an error? A mistake? But then, as professional ghost hunters, it's hard to imagine such a huge mistake slipping past you. Perhaps your EM meters need new batteries.
So now what? Well, maybe you didn't realize who I am. But, it's all over my MySpace page that I debunk garbage science. Type my name in Google and you get thousands of pages linking to my site where I debunk nonsense. I've even written about how silly the idea of ghosts is!
Hmmm... maybe... could it possibly be that you actually think that what you do is real science? Hahahahaha! Oh man, that would be funny, wouldn't it? Forgive me. What was I thinking?
Oh oh oh! I know! You're just advertising your other business! Of course! Well, thanks but no thanks -- judging by the quality of your ability to flush out ghosts, I don't want you anywhere near any real hardware. But tell you what: whenever I see a lot of crap around, I'll think of you.
So sorry, but request denied.
Love and kisses, your (not) friend,
P.S. My real friend Alison Smith says "hi"!
P.P.S. See you at Dragon*Con next year! Oh, wait, maybe not. Never mind.