Also in Slate, Jeremy Singer-Vine asks whether it's bad for your eyes to stare at an iPad for hours, and Magnum Photos fondly remembers reading on paper.
The early reviews are in, but do you have what it takes to own an iPad? The architect Frank Lloyd Wright would revisit the houses that he designed for his clients and rearrange the furniture to his liking. I feel a similar impulse behind the "Guided Tour" videos that Apple has put together for their new screen. While the company's previous offerings in this genre have typically featured Apple Store employees in a neutral space, the iPad videos take us into a model home of an iPad user. It's a pristine environment, fit for an IKEA showroom, with lots of coffee around. This is how Steve Jobs wants us to use his revolutionary device. Let's take a tour through Apple's tour of how an enlightened iPad user lives.
There are 11 videos in all, ranging in length from two to four minutes. The first video presents the Web browser Safari. It opens with an overhead shot of our iPad user putting his cup of black coffee down on a dark wood table next to his iPad. (Film buffs will note the similarities to Jim Jarmusch's Coffee and Cigarettes.) And, lo, what site is loaded on the iPad? The New York Times, of course. It often seems as if all Apple products are designed merely to provide us with a more convenient way to read the Times.
Our iPad user, a man, is reclining on a chair, and he props the iPad on his knee with his legs crossed. This is the start of a theme. iPad users prefer the couch and the lounge chair. Should an iPadder have the unfortunate experience of sitting at a desk, he will immediately put his feet up on the desk and rest the iPad on his thighs to type. The iPad world is like an opium den, where one is always reclining, the better to enjoy its strange, new, vivid wonders.
Next, the voice-over begins. It promises us that, with a "multi-touch display this large … you feel like you're actually holding the Web right in the palm of your hand." When I hear that, my first reaction is to drop whatever I'm holding. Our iPad man is reading the following article from the Times: "Happy 1,300th to Nara, Japan." Naturally, he would love to go visit a meticulously restored palace in an ancient city that helped the spread of Buddhism. As an iPad owner, his soul exists on a higher plane.
The voice-over introduces another theme: that of touching. Throughout these guided-tour videos, we are constantly being urged to touch, flick, and pinch our music, photos, and Web pages. I get that the iPad makes the experience of using a computer more tactile, but the videos make using the new device sound a lot like picking out a good piece of meat.
In the "Mail" video, you're greeted with the promise that you can "see and touch your e-mail like never before." Kinky! Our iPad user here is invited to a "Day at the Beach!" and is also informed of a meeting delay. He looks at a "Final Sales Report." Then he learns that salary increases for "his team" were approved today. After that, he decides to join a friend on a trip to Joshua Tree National Park. Then he checks the location for a surprise birthday dinner at the Slanted Door in San Francisco. The message here is that in iPad-land your e-mail inbox is not a torture chamber of obligation, undone tasks, and spam. It's full of bright, crisp photos and groovy reports!
The "Mail" video also offers the only down note in the guided tour, when the voice-over admits that the iPad's on-screen keyboard is "nearly the same size as a notebook keyboard." That "nearly" must have been painful for the Apple team to say.
TODAY IN SLATE
Here’s Where We Stand With Ebola
Even experienced international disaster responders are shocked at how bad it’s gotten.
It’s Legal for Obama to Bomb Syria Because He Says It Is
Divestment Is Fine but Mostly Symbolic. There’s a Better Way for Universities to Fight Climate Change.
I Stand With Emma Watson on Women’s Rights
Even though I know I’m going to get flak for it.
It Is Very Stupid to Compare Hope Solo to Ray Rice
In Defense of HR
Startups and small businesses shouldn’t skip over a human resources department.