NFL 2011
The Dallas Cowboys are an ever-regenerating Tim Tebow.
From: Ta-Nehisi Coates|Posted Thursday, Nov. 10, 2011, at 1:44 PM
To: Josh Levin and Tom Scocca
This NFL roundtable is a seasonlong partnership between Slate and Deadspin. Check back here each week as a rotating cast of football watchers discusses the weekend's key plays, coaching decisions, and traumatic brain injuries. And
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6: Win a Championship, Lose a Knee
By: Stefan Fatsis -
5: Math Says If Wes Welker Catches That Ball, The Patriots Win
By: Brian Burke -
4: "Was That a Sasquatch?” The Misery of Watching Canadian Super Bowl Ads
By: Matthew Black -
3: Did the Giants Put 12 Men on the Field on Purpose for Brady’s First Hail Mary?
By: Barry Petchesky -
2: The Ballsiest Call in Super Bowl History
By: Brian Burke -
1: Eli Manning Is All the Football Hero America Needs
By: Josh Levin
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6: Tom Brady, Bill Belichick, and the Genius of the Patriots' No-Huddle Offense
By: Chris Brown -
5: What It's Like When An NFL Linebacker Nearly Knocks Your Head Off
By: Nate Jackson -
4: Before the Giants Ruined the Patriots’ Perfect Season, the Perfect Season Nearly Ruined Me
By: Steve Kolowich -
3: After the Scalpel, Out Come the Knives for Peyton Manning
From: Barry Petchesky -
2: Why Are Ray Lewis and Friday Night Lights' Peter Berg Shilling for the NFL on Player Safety?
From: Stefan Fatsis -
1: Homemade Infographic: What Were the Gayest (and Straightest) Super Bowl Halftime Shows?
From: Tom Scocca
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7: Eli Manning and the NFL’s Trouble with Goodness
From: Tommy Craggs -
6: The New England Patriots Are Not Out for Revenge
From: Barry Petchesky -
5: Billy Cundiff Rushed His Kick Because of an Error on the Gillette Stadium Scoreboard
From: Stefan Fatsis -
4: "You Don't Have To Worry About Me Jumping Off a Ledge": An Interview with Billy Cundiff
From: Stefan Fatsis -
3: Bill Belichick and Tom Brady Stank Their Way to the Super Bowl
From: Seth Stevenson -
2: What Went Wrong on Billy Cundiff’s Missed Kick?
From: Stefan Fatsis -
1: Did Lee Evans Catch a Game-Winning Touchdown for the Ravens?
From: Josh Levin
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5: Are the Giants Really Better than the 49ers?
From: Tom Scocca -
4: NFL Playoffs: Mike Martz Gave Us Something to Believe in, Even If We Shouldn't
From: Barry Petchesky -
3: The View From the Wrong Side of an NFL Instant Classic
From: Josh Levin -
2: Four Theories on How the Giants Went from Awful to Amazing
From: Daniel Engber -
1: Why, Oh Why, Did the Packers Have to Lose?
From: Dan Kois
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7: I Caught Tebow Fever, and I Don't Want To Be Cured
From: Barry Petchesky -
6: Everyone Thinks the Underdog Giants Will Beat the Packers
From: Daniel Engber -
5: What We Can Learn About Football (and Bill Belichick) from "The Belestrator"
From: Seth Stevenson -
4: Let the Jets’ Mutiny Against Mark Sanchez Begin
From: Barry Petchesky -
3: Are NFL Coaches Getting Smarter About Fourth-Down Strategy?
From: Brian Burke -
2: The Steelers Overestimated Tim Tebow Before They Underestimated Him
From: Tom Scocca -
1: Why the Steelers Lost to Tim Tebow
From: Josh Levin
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5: An Insider's Guide to Chop Blocks
From: Nate Jackson -
4: Are the Atlanta Falcons Really the Dirtiest Team in the NFL?
From: Josh Levin -
3: The New York Jets Are Out-Lupica-Ing Mike Lupica
From: Tommy Craggs -
2: Analyst Trent Dilfer Would Rip Quarterback Trent Dilfer
From: Nate Jackson -
1: Was Matt Flynn's Big Game a Fluke?
From: Josh Levin
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6: Football In The Dark Is An Illuminating Thing
From: Emma Carmichael -
5: The Wonderful Miracle of Mass Confusion on the Football Field
From: Dan Kois -
4: Cam Newton’s Trick Play Was My Second-Favorite Moment of the Season
From: Stefan Fatsis -
3: What Dose of Defeat Tastes Most Bitter?
From: Emma Carmichael -
2: I Am Totally Not Going To Panic at All About Aaron Rodgers Getting Frighteningly Outplayed by Kyle Orton
From: Dan Kois -
1: Tom Brady Shows Tim Tebow What a Real Quarterback Looks Like
From: Stefan Fatsis
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6: James Harrison Didn't Know What He Was Doing To Colt McCoy
From: Nate Jackson -
5: Does James Harrison Like Hurting People More Than He Likes Winning Games?
From: Tom Scocca -
4: James Harrison: the Villain the NFL Wants
From: Josh Levin -
3: What You Miss Because You Can't See the NFL's All-22 Footage
From: Nate Jackson -
2: Somewhere Between Kordell Stewart and John Skelton, There Is Tim Tebow
From: Tom Scocca -
1: Reality Is Now Indistinguishable From Tim Tebow Fan Fiction
From: Josh Levin
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6: Tim Tebow Is My Seaweed-Wrapped Japanese Rice Ball
From: Luke O'Brien -
5: The NFL Is McDonald's, Cats, and U.S. Steel
From: Barry Petchesky -
4: NFL Owners Exist To Be Hated
From: Daniel Engber -
3: Are You Ready for This Mustache?
From: Luke O'Brien -
2: Is Winning the Overtime Coin Toss a Blessing or a Curse?
From: Barry Petchesky -
1: Tim Tebow Is Making Me Question My Atheism
From: Daniel Engber
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6: Is Mike Shanahan a Good Coach?
From: Stefan Fatsis -
5: Does the NFL Really Want a Team in Los Angeles?
From: Emma Carmichael -
4: A Counterfactual History of Tim Tebow as a Jacksonville Jaguar
From: Jeremy Stahl -
3: Legality Vs. Morality in the NFL
From: Stefan Fatsis -
2: Bob Costas Gasbags About Showboating
From: Emma Carmichael -
1: The Four Types of Lies in Pro Football
From: Jeremy Stahl
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6: The Perils and Pleasures of Life As a 220-Pound Tight End
From: Nate Jackson -
5: Aaron Rodgers and the Ben Roethlisberger School of Quarterbacking
From: Barry Petchesky -
4: How Rex Ryan Created the New-Look Patriots
From: Chris Brown -
3: Why NFL Players Love a Coach Who Goes For It on Fourth Down, and Why They Hate Eric Mangini
From: Nate Jackson -
2: NFL Pundits Hate It, But The Falcons Made the Right Call on Fourth-And-Inches
From: Barry Petchesky -
1: Is Tim Tebow’s Afraid-To-Throw Offense Crazy Enough To Work?
From: Chris Brown
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6: The Dallas Cowboys Are an Ever-Regenerating Tim Tebow
From: Ta-Nehisi Coates -
5: Is It Time To Lose Faith in the New England Patriots?
From: Tom Scocca -
4: Les Miles Is a Good Dad Because LSU Is Undefeated
From: Josh Levin -
3: Does The NFL Want To Be Ali-Frazier?
From: Ta-Nehisi Coates -
2: The Thrill of Old-Fashioned Sports Brutality
From: Tom Scocca -
1: Ravens-Steelers: The NFL’s Annual Holiday from Namby-Pambyism
From: Josh Levin
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6: Year of the Quarterback? Nope, It’s the Year of the Pass Rusher
From: Robert Weintraub -
5: What Do NFL Scouts Think They Know About Quarterbacks?
From: Luke O'Brien -
4: Andrew Luck Is More of a Sure Thing Than Peyton Manning
From: Jeremy Stahl -
3: Don’t Worry, the Eagles Will Look Terrible Again Soon
From: Robert Weintraub -
2: Tim Tebow Is More Than a Big Orange Piñata
From: Luke O'Brien -
1: Will Anyone Ever Beat the Steelers or Patriots?
From: Jeremy Stahl
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6: Why NFL Players Shouldn’t Trust the Test for HGH
From: Stefan Fatsis -
5: Why HGH Will Never Be a Problem in the NFL
From: Nate Jackson -
4: The First Casualty of HGH Hysteria?
From: Tommy Craggs -
3: A Rule Change NFL Kickers Would Hate and Fans Would Love
From: Stefan Fatsis -
2: Tim Tebow Is the Football Establishment’s Worst Nightmare
From: Nate Jackson -
1: Seven Articles of Faith As Regards Tim Tebow
From: Tommy Craggs
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6: The Real Reason for the NFL’s Passing Explosion
From: Brian Burke -
5: The Philadelphia Eagles’ Dream Is Still Alive
From: Jeremy Stahl -
4: Lions and Zebras and Bears—Oh, Crap
From: Tom Scocca -
3: Dear NFL Coaches: If You're on the 37-Yard Line, Go for It
From: Brian Burke -
2: The Most Influential Sports Uniform Ever
From: Tom Scocca -
1: Al Davis, All-Time Great Asshole
From: Jeremy Stahl
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6: I Want Revenge On DirecTV
From: Ta-Nehisi Coates -
5: The $30 Product That Will Change How You Watch the NFL
From: Tommy Craggs -
4: The NFL's Evolution, As Measured By Dan Dierdorfisms
From: Josh Levin -
3: Growing Up on NFL Violence in a Violent Neighborhood
From: Ta-Nehisi Coates -
2: Did Buffalo Outsmart Bill Belichick?
From: Tommy Craggs -
1: Should Michael Vick Stop Protecting the Ball and Start Protecting Himself?
From: Josh Levin
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6: What If HGH Could Cure Peyton Manning?
From: Tommy Craggs -
5: Feed Me to the Detroit Lions!
From: Barry Petchesky -
4: Purple Drank and the Secret of NFL Quarterbacking
From: Tommy Craggs and Barry Petchesky -
3: Cam Newton, a Quarterback To Build a Dream On
From: Tommy Craggs -
2: The Kansas City Chiefs' Sad Cavalcade of Torn Knee Ligaments
From: Barry Petchesky -
1: Michael Vick's Head Injury is the NFL's Worst Nightmare
From: Josh Levin
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7: My Team Threw For 731 Yards and Lost
From: Nate Jackson -
6: Is This the NFL's Juiced Ball Era?
From: Drew Magary -
5: Was Sebastian Janikowski's 63-Yard Field Goal the NFL's Longest 63-Yarder?
From: Stefan Fatsis -
4: Tom Brady Is No Novak Djokovic
From: Tom Scocca -
3: Jay Cutler Doesn't Need To Be Loved by You
From: Nate Jackson -
2: The NFL Goes Out of Its Way to Make People Look Stupid
From: Drew Magary -
1: Clydesdales Genuflecting Toward Lower Manhattan and Other 9/11 Inanities
From: Tom Scocca
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6: The Saints and Packers Did Not Look Like Football Robots
From: Stefan Fatsis -
5: God Overrules Mike McCarthy, and the Packers Win
From: Josh Levin -
4: I Feel Bad About Peyton Manning's Neck
From: Tom Scocca -
3: Roger Goodell Is Shifting Liability Onto the Help
From: Tommy Craggs -
2: Why We Care About the New Kickoff Rule
From: Stefan Fatsis -
1: Does the NFL Have the Moral High Ground?
From: Josh Levin
Photo by Wesley Hitt/Getty Images
Tom, I don't know whether to laugh or go all homer-ish at your charge that Romo is the "secular version of Tim Tebow." Of course, I can't really go all homer-ish because I'm—drum-roll please—Baltimore. But I found my favorite team in the early ‘80s, with a Philly-native father who was an Eagles fan, with the Colts departing at midnight, and several of my friends converting to the Redskins. My theory is that I was, all at once, nursing a rivalry with my father, a career as a Emersonian nonconformist, and a liberal multiculturalist offended by Washington's mascot. This is what I tell people. But more likely I liked the big blue star.
My reason for indulging this bit of memoir is as follows: If anything, your argument that Romo is the secular Tim Tebow is actually understated. The Cowboys, themselves, are perpetual secular Tim Tebows. What you have is a team with enough history to create a narrative and expectations, a self-congratulatory nom de plume as "America's Team," and a record of sticking right in that 5-11 to 11-5 range where you never really win shit, but prognosticators still take you seriously. The result is that you always get your share of national prime-time slots, and that place is justified by all the rabid fans who remember your glory days, and all the rabid haters fueled by your ever-overrated status, who can't wait to see a "lunch-bucket" team like Pittsburgh or Philly kick the shit out of you for "real" football fans the world over.
But it really doesn't matter whether people hate you or love you. Ratings are ratings. I've written about this some before, but this is actually an excellent business plan. I believe Jerry Jones wants to win. But I also believe that he wins, even when he loses, in a way no fan ever can. And whereas Tim Tebow will someday either ride off to glory or be exposed, the Cowboys are an ever-regenerating Tim Tebow. As long as they don't go 1-15 for five years straight, Jones can always roll out his Cowboys to play the ultimate credible jobber—Leaping Lanny Poffo as a franchise. (Though Demarcus Ware is the truth.)
Jerry Jones will always win. I didn't realize this until the first game in Jones' new Cowboys Stadium, where announcers spent as much time talking about the stadium as they did about football. It became clear that the idea of the Cowboys had actually exceeded the football-playing of the Cowboys.
The question then becomes, what is the responsibility of the fan? There are a lot of Cowboys fans who came on in the early ‘90s. I actually came on in the days of Drew Pearson, Tony Hill, Danny White, Eugene Lockhart, and Dennis Thurman. I remember 3-13. I remember 1-15. I was actually depressed about Herschel Walker getting traded. (Who could know?) When it's clear the fan's interests are somewhat different than ownership's, what is the recourse? In football, especially, there is a strong prohibition against divorce. We're supposed to be lifers. I’m strongly considering courting heresy.



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