NFL 2011
From: Barry Petchesky|Posted Tuesday, Sept. 20, 2011, at 6:40 PM
To: Josh Levin, Tommy Craggs
This NFL roundtable is a seasonlong partnership between Slate and Deadspin. Check back here each week as a rotating cast of football watchers discusses the weekend's key plays, coaching decisions, and traumatic brain injuries. And
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6: Win a Championship, Lose a Knee
By: Stefan Fatsis -
5: Math Says If Wes Welker Catches That Ball, The Patriots Win
By: Brian Burke -
4: "Was That a Sasquatch?” The Misery of Watching Canadian Super Bowl Ads
By: Matthew Black -
3: Did the Giants Put 12 Men on the Field on Purpose for Brady’s First Hail Mary?
By: Barry Petchesky -
2: The Ballsiest Call in Super Bowl History
By: Brian Burke -
1: Eli Manning Is All the Football Hero America Needs
By: Josh Levin
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6: Tom Brady, Bill Belichick, and the Genius of the Patriots' No-Huddle Offense
By: Chris Brown -
5: What It's Like When An NFL Linebacker Nearly Knocks Your Head Off
By: Nate Jackson -
4: Before the Giants Ruined the Patriots’ Perfect Season, the Perfect Season Nearly Ruined Me
By: Steve Kolowich -
3: After the Scalpel, Out Come the Knives for Peyton Manning
From: Barry Petchesky -
2: Why Are Ray Lewis and Friday Night Lights' Peter Berg Shilling for the NFL on Player Safety?
From: Stefan Fatsis -
1: Homemade Infographic: What Were the Gayest (and Straightest) Super Bowl Halftime Shows?
From: Tom Scocca
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7: Eli Manning and the NFL’s Trouble with Goodness
From: Tommy Craggs -
6: The New England Patriots Are Not Out for Revenge
From: Barry Petchesky -
5: Billy Cundiff Rushed His Kick Because of an Error on the Gillette Stadium Scoreboard
From: Stefan Fatsis -
4: "You Don't Have To Worry About Me Jumping Off a Ledge": An Interview with Billy Cundiff
From: Stefan Fatsis -
3: Bill Belichick and Tom Brady Stank Their Way to the Super Bowl
From: Seth Stevenson -
2: What Went Wrong on Billy Cundiff’s Missed Kick?
From: Stefan Fatsis -
1: Did Lee Evans Catch a Game-Winning Touchdown for the Ravens?
From: Josh Levin
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5: Are the Giants Really Better than the 49ers?
From: Tom Scocca -
4: NFL Playoffs: Mike Martz Gave Us Something to Believe in, Even If We Shouldn't
From: Barry Petchesky -
3: The View From the Wrong Side of an NFL Instant Classic
From: Josh Levin -
2: Four Theories on How the Giants Went from Awful to Amazing
From: Daniel Engber -
1: Why, Oh Why, Did the Packers Have to Lose?
From: Dan Kois
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7: I Caught Tebow Fever, and I Don't Want To Be Cured
From: Barry Petchesky -
6: Everyone Thinks the Underdog Giants Will Beat the Packers
From: Daniel Engber -
5: What We Can Learn About Football (and Bill Belichick) from "The Belestrator"
From: Seth Stevenson -
4: Let the Jets’ Mutiny Against Mark Sanchez Begin
From: Barry Petchesky -
3: Are NFL Coaches Getting Smarter About Fourth-Down Strategy?
From: Brian Burke -
2: The Steelers Overestimated Tim Tebow Before They Underestimated Him
From: Tom Scocca -
1: Why the Steelers Lost to Tim Tebow
From: Josh Levin
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5: An Insider's Guide to Chop Blocks
From: Nate Jackson -
4: Are the Atlanta Falcons Really the Dirtiest Team in the NFL?
From: Josh Levin -
3: The New York Jets Are Out-Lupica-Ing Mike Lupica
From: Tommy Craggs -
2: Analyst Trent Dilfer Would Rip Quarterback Trent Dilfer
From: Nate Jackson -
1: Was Matt Flynn's Big Game a Fluke?
From: Josh Levin
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6: Football In The Dark Is An Illuminating Thing
From: Emma Carmichael -
5: The Wonderful Miracle of Mass Confusion on the Football Field
From: Dan Kois -
4: Cam Newton’s Trick Play Was My Second-Favorite Moment of the Season
From: Stefan Fatsis -
3: What Dose of Defeat Tastes Most Bitter?
From: Emma Carmichael -
2: I Am Totally Not Going To Panic at All About Aaron Rodgers Getting Frighteningly Outplayed by Kyle Orton
From: Dan Kois -
1: Tom Brady Shows Tim Tebow What a Real Quarterback Looks Like
From: Stefan Fatsis
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6: James Harrison Didn't Know What He Was Doing To Colt McCoy
From: Nate Jackson -
5: Does James Harrison Like Hurting People More Than He Likes Winning Games?
From: Tom Scocca -
4: James Harrison: the Villain the NFL Wants
From: Josh Levin -
3: What You Miss Because You Can't See the NFL's All-22 Footage
From: Nate Jackson -
2: Somewhere Between Kordell Stewart and John Skelton, There Is Tim Tebow
From: Tom Scocca -
1: Reality Is Now Indistinguishable From Tim Tebow Fan Fiction
From: Josh Levin
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6: Tim Tebow Is My Seaweed-Wrapped Japanese Rice Ball
From: Luke O'Brien -
5: The NFL Is McDonald's, Cats, and U.S. Steel
From: Barry Petchesky -
4: NFL Owners Exist To Be Hated
From: Daniel Engber -
3: Are You Ready for This Mustache?
From: Luke O'Brien -
2: Is Winning the Overtime Coin Toss a Blessing or a Curse?
From: Barry Petchesky -
1: Tim Tebow Is Making Me Question My Atheism
From: Daniel Engber
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6: Is Mike Shanahan a Good Coach?
From: Stefan Fatsis -
5: Does the NFL Really Want a Team in Los Angeles?
From: Emma Carmichael -
4: A Counterfactual History of Tim Tebow as a Jacksonville Jaguar
From: Jeremy Stahl -
3: Legality Vs. Morality in the NFL
From: Stefan Fatsis -
2: Bob Costas Gasbags About Showboating
From: Emma Carmichael -
1: The Four Types of Lies in Pro Football
From: Jeremy Stahl
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6: The Perils and Pleasures of Life As a 220-Pound Tight End
From: Nate Jackson -
5: Aaron Rodgers and the Ben Roethlisberger School of Quarterbacking
From: Barry Petchesky -
4: How Rex Ryan Created the New-Look Patriots
From: Chris Brown -
3: Why NFL Players Love a Coach Who Goes For It on Fourth Down, and Why They Hate Eric Mangini
From: Nate Jackson -
2: NFL Pundits Hate It, But The Falcons Made the Right Call on Fourth-And-Inches
From: Barry Petchesky -
1: Is Tim Tebow’s Afraid-To-Throw Offense Crazy Enough To Work?
From: Chris Brown
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6: The Dallas Cowboys Are an Ever-Regenerating Tim Tebow
From: Ta-Nehisi Coates -
5: Is It Time To Lose Faith in the New England Patriots?
From: Tom Scocca -
4: Les Miles Is a Good Dad Because LSU Is Undefeated
From: Josh Levin -
3: Does The NFL Want To Be Ali-Frazier?
From: Ta-Nehisi Coates -
2: The Thrill of Old-Fashioned Sports Brutality
From: Tom Scocca -
1: Ravens-Steelers: The NFL’s Annual Holiday from Namby-Pambyism
From: Josh Levin
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6: Year of the Quarterback? Nope, It’s the Year of the Pass Rusher
From: Robert Weintraub -
5: What Do NFL Scouts Think They Know About Quarterbacks?
From: Luke O'Brien -
4: Andrew Luck Is More of a Sure Thing Than Peyton Manning
From: Jeremy Stahl -
3: Don’t Worry, the Eagles Will Look Terrible Again Soon
From: Robert Weintraub -
2: Tim Tebow Is More Than a Big Orange Piñata
From: Luke O'Brien -
1: Will Anyone Ever Beat the Steelers or Patriots?
From: Jeremy Stahl
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6: Why NFL Players Shouldn’t Trust the Test for HGH
From: Stefan Fatsis -
5: Why HGH Will Never Be a Problem in the NFL
From: Nate Jackson -
4: The First Casualty of HGH Hysteria?
From: Tommy Craggs -
3: A Rule Change NFL Kickers Would Hate and Fans Would Love
From: Stefan Fatsis -
2: Tim Tebow Is the Football Establishment’s Worst Nightmare
From: Nate Jackson -
1: Seven Articles of Faith As Regards Tim Tebow
From: Tommy Craggs
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6: The Real Reason for the NFL’s Passing Explosion
From: Brian Burke -
5: The Philadelphia Eagles’ Dream Is Still Alive
From: Jeremy Stahl -
4: Lions and Zebras and Bears—Oh, Crap
From: Tom Scocca -
3: Dear NFL Coaches: If You're on the 37-Yard Line, Go for It
From: Brian Burke -
2: The Most Influential Sports Uniform Ever
From: Tom Scocca -
1: Al Davis, All-Time Great Asshole
From: Jeremy Stahl
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6: I Want Revenge On DirecTV
From: Ta-Nehisi Coates -
5: The $30 Product That Will Change How You Watch the NFL
From: Tommy Craggs -
4: The NFL's Evolution, As Measured By Dan Dierdorfisms
From: Josh Levin -
3: Growing Up on NFL Violence in a Violent Neighborhood
From: Ta-Nehisi Coates -
2: Did Buffalo Outsmart Bill Belichick?
From: Tommy Craggs -
1: Should Michael Vick Stop Protecting the Ball and Start Protecting Himself?
From: Josh Levin
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6: What If HGH Could Cure Peyton Manning?
From: Tommy Craggs -
5: Feed Me to the Detroit Lions!
From: Barry Petchesky -
4: Purple Drank and the Secret of NFL Quarterbacking
From: Tommy Craggs and Barry Petchesky -
3: Cam Newton, a Quarterback To Build a Dream On
From: Tommy Craggs -
2: The Kansas City Chiefs' Sad Cavalcade of Torn Knee Ligaments
From: Barry Petchesky -
1: Michael Vick's Head Injury is the NFL's Worst Nightmare
From: Josh Levin
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7: My Team Threw For 731 Yards and Lost
From: Nate Jackson -
6: Is This the NFL's Juiced Ball Era?
From: Drew Magary -
5: Was Sebastian Janikowski's 63-Yard Field Goal the NFL's Longest 63-Yarder?
From: Stefan Fatsis -
4: Tom Brady Is No Novak Djokovic
From: Tom Scocca -
3: Jay Cutler Doesn't Need To Be Loved by You
From: Nate Jackson -
2: The NFL Goes Out of Its Way to Make People Look Stupid
From: Drew Magary -
1: Clydesdales Genuflecting Toward Lower Manhattan and Other 9/11 Inanities
From: Tom Scocca
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6: The Saints and Packers Did Not Look Like Football Robots
From: Stefan Fatsis -
5: God Overrules Mike McCarthy, and the Packers Win
From: Josh Levin -
4: I Feel Bad About Peyton Manning's Neck
From: Tom Scocca -
3: Roger Goodell Is Shifting Liability Onto the Help
From: Tommy Craggs -
2: Why We Care About the New Kickoff Rule
From: Stefan Fatsis -
1: Does the NFL Have the Moral High Ground?
From: Josh Levin
I'm glad we're all in agreement that Cam Newton unleashing his natural gifts upon the world—and being compensated for doing so—is a good thing. Somewhere Ayn Rand (or at least Brad Bird) smiles. A single player with a jaw-dropping stat sheet can make even the most hopeless team bearable for its fan base. The Panthers may not win more than four or five games, but that's not the point. The point is that NBC could flex Carolina into a Sunday Night Football game, and no one would complain. A single saving grace, and a season is relevant.
Which is to say, it's extra-depressing for fans of 0-2 teams without the blessing of even individual accomplishment. To know after two games that your team is going nowhere is to die a four-month death, and you rarely need more than two games to identify the terrible teams. I feel confident in pronouncing seasons over in Minnesota, Indianapolis, Seattle, Miami, and Kansas City. They've shown us nothing, not even a spark of better things to come. Any one of these teams has a legitimate shot at and a desperate need for Andrew Luck, so any tanking is going to start soon. Or, in Indy's case, it started two weeks ago, when Kerry Collins showed up for work.
And what about the other side of the ledger? Who looks good after 120 minutes of football? The signs are promising in a couple of unexpected places. Buffalo has a legitimate No. 1 running back in Fred Jackson—not even half the teams in the league can say the same thing—and a talented change-of-pace guy to spell him in C.J. Spiller. Stevie Johnson is elite. And in Harvard man Ryan Fitzpatrick, they have a Trent Dilfer or Jeff Hostetler, the vaunted game manager. He'll never wow you, but he'll rarely shoot his team in the foot. That's good enough for nine wins in today's NFL.
The 2-0 Texans are built the same way. They have a solid offensive line and talent at the skill positions (Matt Schaub, Andre Johnson, and whoever's got two healthy hamstrings running the ball), and if those things alone aren't a blueprint for January success, they're good enough for 9-7. Unlike Buffalo's, Houston's 9-7 is enough to win the division.
Which brings us to the Lions, who are second in the league in both points scored and points allowed. Bill Simmons fretted that too many people liked them as sleepers, but that's a straw man. The Lions, hard as it may be to imagine, were full-fledged playoff favorites going into 2011. In a weird way, Matthew Stafford's two season-ending injuries were the best thing that could have happened to Detroit: two lost seasons to spend building around the defense, through trade, the draft, and free agency. While Buffalo's and Houston's lack of a pass rush will kill them as the season wears on, Detroit is built to go deep into the winter, and not just this winter.
But it goes without saying that everything depends on Stafford's shoulder, which at this point is held together by duct tape and the magic of children's laughter. One injury and Detroit's written off. So here's my question to you, Tommy: Is there a more valuable player in football right now? I don't mean the MVP award—Tom Brady is going to throw for 6,000 yards because he can. I mean, which individual is most responsible for his team's success? Cam Newton need not apply.
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