Josh, I see few parallels between Tank Johnson and Michael Jackson. Although neither has been convicted of child molestation. So, there’s that.
Regarding Playmakers: At this point, there’s no way that any fictional NFL could out-crazy the real one. There’s the Tank Johnson stuff, the tragic murder of Darrent Williams, the imprisonment of the entire Cincinnati Bengals roster, and of course the whole steroids situation. If I were writing a new season of Playmakers now, I’d just name one of the characters Roidy McGee. He’d jab syringes in his groin during defensive huddles. At halftime, he’d complain of hunger pangs, then rip off the arms of the clubhouse attendant and eat them. (“Oh, that Roidy!” says the indulgent head coach with a smile. Freeze frame on a laughing McGee—blood and tendons trailing from his mouth. Roll credits.)
I was mildly shocked by the interview with Chargers linebacker/ steroid abuser Shawne Merriman that took place during halftime of last weekend’s Pats-Jets game. The CBS crew noted that he’d served a four-game suspension earlier in the season, yet somehow they never mentioned what the punishment was for. Also, the only question that even touched on the suspension was framed as a softball, asking Merriman whether he thought those missed games had hurt his chances to be named the defensive player of the year. With nary a hint of irony, host James Brown referred to Merriman’s “frightening” size, power, and agility.
And was I the only one a bit galled at the fact that Merriman chose to wear a tank top on air, exposing his massive, chemically-enhanced trapezius muscles? Hey kids, look what nandrolone can do for you! And if you schedule your cycle right, you can be both pumped and league-approved by playoff time! (Yes, I’m still angry that Merriman forecast a Jets win during this interview, even though the Pats were up by a touchdown at the half.)
Chris, I can’t fully buy the logic of your Schottenheimer defense. If he made teams better than they were, why did this improvement suddenly evaporate once they hit the playoffs? Or, by your reasoning, couldn’t we argue that the 14-2 Chargers are really a 10-6 team in disguise, sure to be exposed like all those other overachieving Schottenheimer squads? Lastly, you can’t blame it entirely on bad luck. He’s 5-12 in playoff games. At a certain point, it’s no longer a fluke. I fully expect the boneheadery I referred to earlier—the “Martyball” style characterized by overly conservative, reactive decision-making—to rear its head again. Will the Chargers’ talent advantage overcome their coaching deficiency? Quite possibly. I’m having nightmares in which tight end Antonio Gates outjumps the Lilliputian Patriot d-backs, and outruns our plodding, past-prime linebackers.
In the other AFC game: My head says Baltimore is the best team in the playoffs. (And the excellent football-analysis site FootballOutsiders.com has complex statistics to prove it.) But my gut tells me this is a classic reverse-lock. Everyone’s saying this is the weakest Colts squad of the past few years. No one’s picking them. They looked awful against an even awful-er Chiefs team last week. … And all this just makes me feel like they’ll pull off the upset and boot the Ravens.
Chris, you can keep telling yourself Marty Schottenheimer is a victim of bad luck, and I’ll do the same with Peyton Manning. Sure, he threw another three playoff interceptions last weekend, but this just means he’s even more due to come up big. For proof that we’re in opposite land this year: In the Chiefs game, it was the Colts defense bailing out Peyton. Meanwhile, the normally gunslinging Manning did his best Chad Pennington impression, hammering the short underneath stuff for much of the game. This guy is such a joy to watch during the regular season, playing quarterback at insane levels of proficiency. And then every January, he hauls out that furrowed brow, and those upturned palms, as Ty Law steps in front of yet another ill-judged throw or crossed-up pass route. I’ve almost—almost—been driven to root for the poor guy (in non-Pats games, of course).
How about you, Chris? With the Chiefs gone, who are you rooting for now? (Or is it rooting against?)
