Why, Oh Why, Did Tim Tebow Have To Come to the Jets?

The stadium scene.
March 22 2012 8:48 AM

Saying No to Tebow

He could’ve been traded anywhere. Why’d he have to land on my team?

(Continued from Page 1)

Now, let’s get to the intangibles. The story goes that the Jets had a divided locker room last season and that Ryan lost the team by making me-first Santonio Holmes the team captain. For the Jets to turn things around, they need to dump the bad apples and get a few “good locker room guys.” And who’s nicer than Tim Tebow?

That’s all BS, of course. The divided locker room story is the hoariest media narrative there is, a tale that crops up at the end of so many failed seasons. Team discord is always more a symptom than a cause of a losing record. A couple of weeks ago, Sanchez and Holmes reportedly had dinner and buried (the mostly media-created) hatchet. Holmes may get frustrated with his young quarterback’s tunnel vision, and he may not be a paragon of leadership, but he’s a gamer who’s been to the mountaintop—someone Jet fans loved when he carried them to multiple fourth-quarter wins in 2010. His airplane celebrations are incredibly irritating when the Jets are losing. When the team is winning, they’re spectacular monuments to the team’s wondrous success.

Now, what’s something that could really, truly divide this team? I’d nominate the acquisition of the most-polarizing athlete in professional sports. On his best days, Rex Ryan’s bluster is a useful distraction, allowing the players to drift into the shadows as their blabbermouth of a coach gets all the heat. By trading for Tebow, Ryan and general manager Mike Tannenbaum have added fix or six more rings to the media circus that’s already Barnum-and-Bailey-ing outside the Jets’ locker room. All that extra tabloid coverage will be spiffy, but if given the choice, I’d prefer five or six Super Bowl rings.


The one guy who’s making sense in this mess is Antonio Cromartie, the Jets cornerback who tweeted “We don’t need Tebow” in advance of the trade. As the wise Cromartie says, if all the team wants is a guy to run the Wildcat, then they can just hand the ball to the less famous, speedier Jeremy Kerley or Joe McKnight.

Instead, Jet fans will have to deal with Tebow Tebowing in a green uniform. This is a desperate move of a desperate franchise, one that’s been flailing for 43 years in a relentlessly futile attempt to get back to the Super Bowl. The best possible outcome here is that the trade to be completely pointless—Tebow will be an irrelevant sideshow and the Jets will sink or swim on the merits of the dozens of other guys on the roster. In the worst case, Tebow will somehow seize the starting job and set the franchise back five years. Hey, as a Jet fan, at least I’m used to that sort of thing.



Smash and Grab

Will competitive Senate contests in Kansas and South Dakota lead to more late-breaking races in future elections?

I Am 25. I Don’t Work at Facebook. My Doctors Want Me to Freeze My Eggs.

The XX Factor
Oct. 20 2014 6:17 PM I Am 25. I Don’t Work at Facebook. My Doctors Want Me to Freeze My Eggs.

Republicans Want the Government to Listen to the American Public on Ebola. That’s a Horrible Idea.

The Most Ingenious Teaching Device Ever Invented

Tom Hanks Has a Short Story in the New Yorker. It’s Not Good.

Brow Beat

Marvel’s Civil War Is a Far-Right Paranoid Fantasy

It’s also a mess. Can the movies do better?

Watching Netflix in Bed. Hanging Bananas. Is There Anything These Hooks Can’t Solve?

The Procedural Rule That Could Prevent Gay Marriage From Reaching SCOTUS Again

  News & Politics
Oct. 20 2014 8:14 PM You Should Be Optimistic About Ebola Don’t panic. Here are all the signs that the U.S. is containing the disease.
Oct. 20 2014 7:23 PM Chipotle’s Magical Burrito Empire Keeps Growing, Might Be Slowing
Oct. 20 2014 3:16 PM The Catholic Church Is Changing, and Celibate Gays Are Leading the Way
  Double X
The XX Factor
Oct. 20 2014 6:17 PM I Am 25. I Don't Work at Facebook. My Doctors Want Me to Freeze My Eggs.
  Slate Plus
Tv Club
Oct. 20 2014 7:15 AM The Slate Doctor Who Podcast: Episode 9 A spoiler-filled discussion of "Flatline."
Brow Beat
Oct. 20 2014 9:13 PM The Smart, Talented, and Utterly Hilarious Leslie Jones Is SNL’s Newest Cast Member
Future Tense
Oct. 20 2014 4:59 PM Canadian Town Cancels Outdoor Halloween Because Polar Bears
  Health & Science
Medical Examiner
Oct. 20 2014 11:46 AM Is Anybody Watching My Do-Gooding? The difference between being a hero and being an altruist.
Sports Nut
Oct. 20 2014 5:09 PM Keepaway, on Three. Ready—Break! On his record-breaking touchdown pass, Peyton Manning couldn’t even leave the celebration to chance.