Why, Oh Why, Did Tim Tebow Have To Come to the Jets?

The stadium scene.
March 22 2012 8:48 AM

Saying No to Tebow

He could’ve been traded anywhere. Why’d he have to land on my team?

(Continued from Page 1)

Now, let’s get to the intangibles. The story goes that the Jets had a divided locker room last season and that Ryan lost the team by making me-first Santonio Holmes the team captain. For the Jets to turn things around, they need to dump the bad apples and get a few “good locker room guys.” And who’s nicer than Tim Tebow?

That’s all BS, of course. The divided locker room story is the hoariest media narrative there is, a tale that crops up at the end of so many failed seasons. Team discord is always more a symptom than a cause of a losing record. A couple of weeks ago, Sanchez and Holmes reportedly had dinner and buried (the mostly media-created) hatchet. Holmes may get frustrated with his young quarterback’s tunnel vision, and he may not be a paragon of leadership, but he’s a gamer who’s been to the mountaintop—someone Jet fans loved when he carried them to multiple fourth-quarter wins in 2010. His airplane celebrations are incredibly irritating when the Jets are losing. When the team is winning, they’re spectacular monuments to the team’s wondrous success.

Now, what’s something that could really, truly divide this team? I’d nominate the acquisition of the most-polarizing athlete in professional sports. On his best days, Rex Ryan’s bluster is a useful distraction, allowing the players to drift into the shadows as their blabbermouth of a coach gets all the heat. By trading for Tebow, Ryan and general manager Mike Tannenbaum have added fix or six more rings to the media circus that’s already Barnum-and-Bailey-ing outside the Jets’ locker room. All that extra tabloid coverage will be spiffy, but if given the choice, I’d prefer five or six Super Bowl rings.

Advertisement

The one guy who’s making sense in this mess is Antonio Cromartie, the Jets cornerback who tweeted “We don’t need Tebow” in advance of the trade. As the wise Cromartie says, if all the team wants is a guy to run the Wildcat, then they can just hand the ball to the less famous, speedier Jeremy Kerley or Joe McKnight.

Instead, Jet fans will have to deal with Tebow Tebowing in a green uniform. This is a desperate move of a desperate franchise, one that’s been flailing for 43 years in a relentlessly futile attempt to get back to the Super Bowl. The best possible outcome here is that the trade to be completely pointless—Tebow will be an irrelevant sideshow and the Jets will sink or swim on the merits of the dozens of other guys on the roster. In the worst case, Tebow will somehow seize the starting job and set the franchise back five years. Hey, as a Jet fan, at least I’m used to that sort of thing.

TODAY IN SLATE

Politics

Talking White

Black people’s disdain for “proper English” and academic achievement is a myth.

Alabama’s Insane New Abortion Law Gives Fetuses Lawyers and Puts Teenage Girls on Trial

Tattoo Parlors Have Become a Great Investment

A Jaw-Dropping Political Ad Aimed at Young Women, Apparently

The XX Factor
Oct. 1 2014 4:05 PM Today in GOP Outreach to Women: You Broads Like Wedding Dresses, Right?

Big Problems With the Secret Service Were Reported Last Year. Nobody Cared.

Crime

Operation Backbone

How White Boy Rick, a legendary Detroit cocaine dealer, helped the FBI uncover brazen police corruption.

Hong Kong’s Protesters Are Ridiculously Polite. That’s What Scares Beijing So Much.

This Gargantuan Wind Farm in Wyoming Would Be the Hoover Dam of the 21st Century

Moneybox
Oct. 1 2014 8:34 AM This Gargantuan Wind Farm in Wyoming Would Be the Hoover Dam of the 21st Century To undertake a massively ambitious energy project, you don’t need the government anymore.
  News & Politics
Politics
Oct. 2 2014 11:01 AM It Wasn’t a Secret A 2013 inspector general report detailed all of the Secret Service’s problems. Nobody cared.
  Business
Moneybox
Oct. 2 2014 12:10 PM Women of America, Here Are the Cities Where You Can Find Marriageable Men
  Life
The Vault
Oct. 2 2014 11:07 AM Mapping 1890 Manhattan's Crazy-Quilt of Immigrant Neighborhoods
  Double X
The XX Factor
Oct. 2 2014 12:37 PM St. Louis Study Confirms That IUDs Are the Key to Lowering Teen Pregnancy Rates
  Slate Plus
Behind the Scenes
Oct. 1 2014 3:24 PM Revelry (and Business) at Mohonk Photos and highlights from Slate’s annual retreat.
  Arts
Brow Beat
Oct. 2 2014 12:04 PM The Audio Book Club Debates Gone Girl, the Novel
  Technology
Future Tense
Oct. 2 2014 11:41 AM Dropbox Recruiting Video Features Puppets and Data Privacy
  Health & Science
Medical Examiner
Oct. 2 2014 9:49 AM In Medicine We Trust Should we worry that so many of the doctors treating Ebola in Africa are missionaries?
  Sports
Sports Nut
Oct. 1 2014 5:19 PM Bunt-a-Palooza! How bad was the Kansas City Royals’ bunt-all-the-time strategy in the American League wild-card game?