How to fake your way through the 2009 postseason.

So your friends have invited you over for some hot NBA playoff action, but you don't know Kobe Bryant from Kobe beef? Here's a cheat sheet for those of you who have never, ever been accused of having your head in the game.

EASTERN CONFERENCE

CAVALIERS VS. PISTONS

Detroit Pistons

Pistons talking points: The Pistons thought they were making a big move when, in November, they traded floor leader Chauncey Billups for Allen Iverson. They made a big move, all right—down to the eighth playoff seed. Iverson did nothing for the Pistons and has been suspiciously deactivated while Billups led the Nuggets to the Western Conference's second seed. You, however, suspect that if the Pistons want to advance, they'd better swallow their pride and put Iverson on the floor—he averages 29.7 points per playoff game.

Historical context: The city of Detroit has had a rough year. The Lions lost every game they played, the lead singer of the Four Tops died, the auto industry fell apart, and the mayor went to prison. So, when you think about it, wasting $4 million per year on Kwame Brown's fat ass doesn't seem so tragic after all.

Conversation starter: "The Iverson trade didn't work out, but Joe Dumars is still an underrated general manager."

Conversation stopper:"I think we should bring more Piston legends back into the fold. Let's buy out his Florida International contract and install Isiah Thomas as head coach!"

Cleveland Cavaliers

Cavs talking points: The Cavs absolutely dominated at home this year, losing only two of the 41 games they played at Quicken Loans Arena. That's bad news for opponents—the Cavs have home-court advantage throughout the playoffs.