TMQ: The importance of the incomplete pass.

The stadium scene.
Jan. 22 2002 10:30 AM

The Importance of the Incomplete Pass

7_tmq_logobyline
(Continued from Page 8)

"DLM" suggests the "pre-owned" as a euphemism for used.

Advertisement

Reader "Statute Man" reports that Ohio agencies have begun to refer to prison staff as "providers of correction services." This carries, he notes, the inference that prisoners are consumers of correction services.

Tuesday Morning Quarterback nominates "detainee." We are not taking you prisoner; we are merely detainee-izing you. However, you may not become a leavee. TMQ is perfectly happy to have the al-Qaida thugs become consumers of correction services, but they should be called what they are: prisoners.

"Brett V" nominates "experimented," as in, "Prince Henry experimented with drugs," suggesting some objective, dispassionate exercise. So Prince, when will you publish the results of your experiment?

"Joe Baby" proposes that the Commission on Decommissioning, the organization charged with collecting weapons from Irish fanatics, has a lovely euphemism name.

Dave Curley nominates "involuntary attrition," the euphemism Cisco uses in lieu of "layoffs." When Neil Easterbrook, Official Brother of TMQ and a professor at Texas Christian University, was laid off from a job teaching in a public high school, he was handed a letter informing him that he had been "excessed."

The stylish TMQ cap is awarded to Nora Greer of Scottsdale, Ariz., for the euphemism "going over the rim." This is not something the Shadows and Vorlons did at the end of the Babylon 5 serial. Greer once worked in the Fred Harvey hotels on the Grand Canyon south rim. She reports that tourists who plummeted to their deaths from scenic edges of the Canyon were casually referred to by hotel staff as "going over the rim." The fate is more common than local promoters care to mention: Five tourists fell to their deaths from the south rim in 1998, for example. Presumably the hotels' main concern was whether the estates would still pay the room charges.

Sci-fi Note: TMQ always loved the alien name Vorlons in Babylon 5. It sounds like the secret ingredient in laundry detergent. These creatures' starcruisers should have brightly painted messages on the sides: "Now! With added Vorlon!"

This Week's Challenge … Pittsburgh ran another touch-football-style play in which Kordell Stewart walked away from center as if upset and about to call time, then as Baltimore relaxed, the ball was direct-snapped to Troy Edwards for a 23-yard run. Since Pittsburgh and St. Louis both run these plays, which may require Actor's Equity cards, a Super Bowl meeting might be fun.

But should quarterback acting plays be legal? Tuesday Morning Quarterback can't decide. So submit your arguments pro and con to The Fray. The best, determined on a completely arbitrary basis, may receive a stylish TMQ cap. Be sure to include your e-mail in the unlikely event your submission is honored.

TODAY IN SLATE

Foreigners

More Than Scottish Pride

Scotland’s referendum isn’t about nationalism. It’s about a system that failed, and a new generation looking to take a chance on itself. 

What Charles Barkley Gets Wrong About Corporal Punishment and Black Culture

Why Greenland’s “Dark Snow” Should Worry You

Three Talented Actresses in Three Terrible New Shows

Why Do Some People See the Virgin Mary in Grilled Cheese?

The science that explains the human need to find meaning in coincidences.

Jurisprudence

Happy Constitution Day!

Too bad it’s almost certainly unconstitutional.

Is It Worth Paying Full Price for the iPhone 6 to Keep Your Unlimited Data Plan? We Crunch the Numbers.

What to Do if You Literally Get a Bug in Your Ear

  News & Politics
Weigel
Sept. 16 2014 7:03 PM Kansas Secretary of State Loses Battle to Protect Senator From Tough Race
  Business
Moneybox
Sept. 16 2014 2:35 PM Germany’s Nationwide Ban on Uber Lasted All of Two Weeks
  Life
The Vault
Sept. 16 2014 12:15 PM “Human Life Is Frightfully Cheap”: A 1900 Petition to Make Lynching a Federal Offense
  Double X
The XX Factor
Sept. 15 2014 3:31 PM My Year As an Abortion Doula
  Slate Plus
Slate Plus Video
Sept. 16 2014 2:06 PM A Farewell From Emily Bazelon The former senior editor talks about her very first Slate pitch and says goodbye to the magazine.
  Arts
Brow Beat
Sept. 16 2014 8:43 PM This 17-Minute Tribute to David Fincher Is the Perfect Preparation for Gone Girl
  Technology
Future Tense
Sept. 16 2014 6:40 PM This iPhone 6 Feature Will Change Weather Forecasting
  Health & Science
Science
Sept. 16 2014 1:39 PM The Case of the Missing Cerebellum How did a Chinese woman live 24 years missing part of her brain?
  Sports
Sports Nut
Sept. 15 2014 8:41 PM You’re Cut, Adrian Peterson Why fantasy football owners should release the Minnesota Vikings star.