I don't know about you, but I can't tell the difference between the NFL MVP award and the Heisman Trophy since both go exclusively to running backs and quarterbacks. In the 45 years the Associated Press has been choosing the MVP, just five selections have been players other than QBs and RBs while in 67 years the Heisman has tabbed a mere four non-QB/RB gentlemen. This comes to 103 quarterbacks and running backs honored, versus nine players at all other positions, though 86 percent of football starters are not quarterbacks or running backs. And perhaps you need not be told that no offensive lineman has ever won the Heisman or MVP.

Well, there's a pretty good chance these highly honored QBs and RBs were not blocking for themselves. So Tuesday Morning Quarterback inaugurates its NFL Non-QB/RB MVP, and the first recipient is guard Alan Faneca of the Pittsburgh Steelers. Yes, Kurt Warner had a fabulous year, as did Marshall Faulk and several other backfield types. TMQ would sure want Warner and Faulk on his team, especially if they offered to loan a pair of the special glasses that allow you to see the superstring portals they used to travel here from their homeworld. But to TMQ's mind, no gentleman in the NFL this season more than Faneca epitomized the "most valuable" tag—an irreplaceable player for a top team. That makes him the TMQ NFL Non-QB/RB MVP.

Just as St. Louis graduated this season from offense-only to a balanced team, Pittsburgh graduated from defense-only to balance, and a great offensive line play was the key. The Steelers finished first in rushing, first in time of possession (a mildly overrated stat), first in third-down conversion (impossible to overrate), and third in total offense. All the media attention regarding the Pittsburgh ground game went to Jerome Bettis, but Steeler rushing barely declined in the five games Bettis sat out, and the non-household-names Chris Fuamatu-Ma'afala and Amos Zereoue did the carries. That tells you line play was the essence of Pittsburgh running success. Faneca was Pittsburgh's best offensive lineman and soon will be receiving his Cartier trophy (or, possibly, stylish TMQ cap) as the Tuesday Morning Quarterback NFL Non-QB/RB MVP.

In other NFL news, City of Tampa may soon have the Super Bowl-winning Bill Parcells as coach, but fans should bear in mind what they are getting—a gentleman who cares only, solely, and exclusively about Bill Parcells.

Parcells first practiced the art of stabbing his own team, owner, and fans in the back by suddenly resigning from the Giants in late spring 1991, long after all available top coaches already signed elsewhere. Desperate for a body, the Giants had to hire the regrettable Ray Handley. Parcells, who had just won the Super Bowl, seemed to time his resignation to ensure that the Giants went south—as they did, with two losing seasons—since this would make it seem he was an inimitable genius.

Officially Parcells quit the Giants because of heart problems, but two years later he was miraculously healed and hired with a hefty raise to coach the Patriots. As his Patriots were preparing for the 1997 Super Bowl, Parcells openly urged the sports media to cover his unhappiness with New England owner Robert Kraft and his desire to jump to the Jets. The Patriots were distracted by the sideshow and lost; Parcells instantly switched allegiances, winning a huge raise. Thus Parcells screwed his team, employer, and his city's fans for personal gain—and to keep the media spotlight on himself, not his team, during Super Bowl week. Any player who did the same would have been denounced. Somehow, Parcells got away with it. (Then, of course, later quit the Jets, too.)

Flash forward to last week, the Bucs and Tony Dungy preparing for a playoff game. Parcells was negotiating for Dungy's job while issuing tepid non-denial denials calculated to keep the attention on him. The distraction screwed the Bucs, their fans, and Dungy: Parcells knew perfectly well that what he was doing would increase the chance of Tampa losing and Dungy getting canned. Thus his opening move in City of Tampa is to help cause a humiliating defeat while stabbing a good man in the back. But it all benefits Parcells, and that is the sole, exclusive, and only thing on this gentleman's mind. Hark unto these words, fans of Tampa, and do not lament to the football gods if Parcells turns against you as well.

In still other NFL news, Jerry Rice has nine catches for 183 in the playoffs. Wow, they must be celebrating in San Francisco! Say what?Are you seriously trying to tell me the Forty-Niners cut Jerry Rice?Are you seriously trying to tell me that Jerry Rice is advancing in the playoffs, but the Forty-Niners are not?

Game-by-game reviews:

Tampa at Philadelphia
TMQ's law that the further you go in the playoffs, the more important coaching, game plans, and psyche-up become was put to the test as for the first time ever, management blew a game.