Death to the Local Affiliates!

The stadium scene.
Dec. 19 2000 7:00 PM

Death to the Local Affiliates!

(Continued from Page 5)

Most Embarrassing Dennis Miller Moment: Suspended out of respect for Al Gore, visiting associate lecturer in public affairs, Towson State University.


But with yet another fabulous game last night, MNF is having its best season ever in terms of football and its worst season ever in terms of ratings. This can't possibly be in any way whatsoever related to Miller, can it? Last night as Warrick Dunn ran into the end zone, Miller said, "That's a classic move by Marshall Faulk." Al Michaels quickly covered for him.

New York Times Final-Score Score: Once again the Paper of Record goes 0-15 in its quixotic attempt to predict an exact final score, bringing the New York Times Final-Score Score to 0-233 for the season. Reader Brad Hammill's generic final score—Home Team 20, Visiting Team 14—also whiffs, bringing this item to 0-148 since inception.

Reader Animadversions: Vigilant readers caught spelling the WR as "Chris" Carter and calling the Flaming Thumbtacks FB "Leon" Neal. One decorously protested in haiku:

TMQ misnames.

Carter's Cris should be h-less

Neal is Lorenzo.


TMQ Trivia Challenge: Last week's question:

Of the following, which is not an actual record for NFL futility:

Most consecutive games lost, Tampa Bay, 26.

Most consecutive home games lost, Dallas, 14.

Fewest yards gained in a
game, -7, Seattle.

Most interceptions in a season, 42, George Blanda, Houston.

Most sacks allowed in a season, Philadelphia, 104.

Most fumbles in a game, 10, San Francisco.

Many entrants refused to believe that Seattle had spent an entire game going exclusively backward or that the Eagles had surrendered 104 sacks, six and a half per game! True, too true. Many refused to believe Blanda once threw 42 INTs. Too true, and he did it in a 14-game season, averaging three picks per game. This season's most-picked gentleman, Vinny Testaverde, has 22 INTs through 15 games, an average of 1.5 per game.

Turns out every futility stat is true, too true. Jamie DeVriend of Tampa, Fla., wins by realizing it was a trick question. Now this week's Challenge:

Controversy surrounds the Pro Bowl fullback selection, which often goes not to true fullbacks such as Howard Griffith of Denver but to RBs or H-backs. This year the NFC "fullback" is Mike Alstott of Tampa Bay, strictly a runner in the Bucs offense and a notoriously mediocre blocker. The AFC "fullback" is Richie Anderson of the Jets, who plays almost exclusively as a motion receiver.


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It Is Very Stupid to Compare Hope Solo to Ray Rice

Building a Better Workplace

In Defense of HR

Startups and small businesses shouldn’t skip over a human resources department.

How Ted Cruz and Scott Brown Misunderstand What It Means to Be an American Citizen

Divestment Is Fine but Mostly Symbolic. There’s a Better Way for Universities to Fight Climate Change.

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