New Jersey Resplendent

The stadium scene.
Sept. 19 2000 9:00 PM

New Jersey Resplendent

(Continued from Page 2)

New team in Houston
Houstonians much too long
Settle for Texans

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This, from a reader screen-named Betty Boop:

Monday Night once more
No one to talk to again
I take up haiku

And a reader screen-named Woman Reader writes:

If I have to read
One more Cindy Crawford ref
It's one too many

TMQ takes your point on that last one. Cindy never calls anymore, anyway. What a blunder it was to mispronounce "Versace" in front of her. (Wait, that was a ref.)

Readers are invited to continue to submit football haiku or heroic couplets. No blank verse, though: TMQ is a traditionalist. Use "The Fray," and title your entries "Football Haiku" or "Football Heroic Couplets," and so on. Don't try to cheat on the iambic pentameter. TMQ once took an English lit course in college—"The Analogy as a Metaphor for Symbolism"—and will catch you.

Gorzon, Activate the Nedney Unit! Sebastian Janikowski, the Oakland Raiders' No.-1-draft-pick huge-bonus place-kicker, is now two-for-five in field-goal attempts. On Sunday, he fell down on his rear while attempting a kickoff. Joe Nedney, the minimum-salary kicker Oakland cut to make room for Janikowski, went four-for-four kicking for the Broncos as they defeated—the Raiders.

Hidden Indicator of the Week: Five teams scored touchdowns in the final minute of the first half, but no team scored a touchdown in the final minute of the second half. This is the kind of hidden indicator that is essential to an insider's understanding of the NFL. Unfortunately, Tuesday Morning Quarterback has no idea what it means.

Running Items Department

Obscure College Score of the Week: (New item.) Tuesday Morning Quarterback has long experienced a sense of peace and contentment whenever reading, on Sunday mornings in the fall, those long columns of scores from football games involving obscure schools such as Bemidji State, Ferrum, Indiana of Pennsylvania, Lenoir-Rhyne, Ursinus, and Wisconsin-Stout.

TODAY IN SLATE

The Juice

Ford’s Big Gamble

It’s completely transforming America’s best-selling vehicle.

Should the United States Grant Asylum to Victims of Domestic Violence?

The Apple Watch Will Make Everyone Around You Just a Little Worse Off

This Was the First Object Ever Designed

Don’t Expect Adrian Peterson to Go to Prison

In much of America, beating your kids is perfectly legal. 

Moneybox

How the Apple Watch Will Annoy Us

A glowing screen attached to someone else’s wrist is shinier than all but the blingiest jewels.

Music

A Little Bit Softer Now, a Little Bit Softer Now …

The sad, gradual decline of the fade-out in popular music.

Is Everyone Going to Declare Independence if Scotland Does It? 

I Tried to Write an Honest Profile of One of Bollywood’s Biggest Stars. It Didn’t Go Well.

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