Dear Prudence answers readers' questions live at

Real-time discussions with Slate writers.
Sept. 30 2009 11:37 AM

Seeking Sexual Healing

Prudie counsels a woman for whom sex is painful—and other advice seekers.

(Continued from Page 3)

Emily Yoffe: Facebook is now rivaling Christmas and weddings as the source of most tension among family members. I wonder if society will one day decide en masse that they no longer wish to know every time one of their acquaintances has a random thought, or if their niece is swapping recipes with their rotten ex. You cannot control that your niece thinks your ex's chocolate chip cookies are the best. So instead of trying to control her, control yourself and defriend her.


San Francisco, CA: The truth is, I have considered all the options (one of the many friends I sought advice from recommended Soft paws as an alternative to nail clipping or declawing).

But my boyfriend just won't hear them. He says he'll compromise about anything else, but not the cat. But breaking up over a cat is insane, isn't it?

Emily Yoffe: It is kind of insane, I agree. But over the four years you have been together, surely he's had to spend the night with you and Fluffy—she hasn't kneaded her way even a little into his heart? Compromise is easy when there are easy solutions. But what kind of compromise is "Give away the cat you love because I hate cats?" If you can see getting rid of Fluffy and being happy together and not resenting him, then why break up? But it sounds as if you can't see that future. And the larger question is, where is this relationship going? If you don't want marriage and kids, maybe your turtlelike pace is fine (and maybe that's a compromise pet!). If you do, you have to wonder whether you'll ever get there.


To San Francisco: Give up the cat. Get a beagle. Soon your boyfriend will be begging you to bring the cat back instead!

Emily Yoffe: As the owner of two cats and one beagle, truer words were never spoken.



Boston: My husband's boss is getting married soon, and we are wondering about proper gift etiquette. Ms. Boss had a small, private wedding ceremony about a month ago to which my husband was invited and gifts were given. She is having a second larger wedding ceremony in a couple of months to which my husband is also invited. Is he off the hook for the second wedding gift, or is it appropriate to give a gift for every ceremony attended?

Emily Yoffe: If she's marrying someone else, then I suppose you could consider a second wedding gift. If she's not marrying someone else, what in the world is she up to? She's married! Stop with the weddings! One wedding gift per couple, no matter how many ceremonies they have, is all that's needed.


Emily Yoffe: Thanks, everyone. Talk to you next week.


Medical Examiner

The Most Terrifying Thing About Ebola 

The disease threatens humanity by preying on humanity.

I Bought the Huge iPhone. I’m Already Thinking of Returning It.

Scotland Is Just the Beginning. Expect More Political Earthquakes in Europe.

Students Aren’t Going to College Football Games as Much Anymore

And schools are getting worried.

Two Damn Good, Very Different Movies About Soldiers Returning From War

The XX Factor

Lifetime Didn’t Think the Steubenville Rape Case Was Dramatic Enough

So they added a little self-immolation.


Blacks Don’t Have a Corporal Punishment Problem

Americans do. But when blacks exhibit the same behaviors as others, it becomes part of a greater black pathology. 

Why a Sketch of Chelsea Manning Is Stirring Up Controversy

How Worried Should Poland, the Baltic States, and Georgia Be About a Russian Invasion?

Trending News Channel
Sept. 19 2014 1:11 PM Watch Flashes of Lightning Created in a Lab  
  News & Politics
Sept. 20 2014 11:13 AM -30-
Business Insider
Sept. 20 2014 6:30 AM The Man Making Bill Gates Richer
Sept. 20 2014 7:27 AM How Do Plants Grow Aboard the International Space Station?
  Double X
The XX Factor
Sept. 19 2014 4:58 PM Steubenville Gets the Lifetime Treatment (And a Cheerleader Erupts Into Flames)
  Slate Plus
Slate Picks
Sept. 19 2014 12:00 PM What Happened at Slate This Week? The Slatest editor tells us to read well-informed skepticism, media criticism, and more.
Brow Beat
Sept. 20 2014 3:21 PM “The More You Know (About Black People)” Uses Very Funny PSAs to Condemn Black Stereotypes
Future Tense
Sept. 19 2014 6:31 PM The One Big Problem With the Enormous New iPhone
  Health & Science
Bad Astronomy
Sept. 21 2014 8:00 AM An Astronaut’s Guided Video Tour of Earth
Sports Nut
Sept. 18 2014 11:42 AM Grandmaster Clash One of the most amazing feats in chess history just happened, and no one noticed.