Dear Prudence answers readers' questions live at

Dear Prudence answers readers' questions live at

Dear Prudence answers readers' questions live at

Real-time discussions with Slate writers.
July 27 2009 5:24 PM

Masseuse Rubbed Me the Wrong Way

Prudie counsels a woman who ordered a rubdown but got a shakedown—and other advice seekers.

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Bi-Bi Husband: Your advice to the woman who has discovered her husband's taste for gay porn was generally right on, but you lose points for not pointing out her husband of 30 years—who says he loves her and cherishes their marriage—might not be gay, but bisexual. This piece of advice is missed out nearly as often as "you could give it up for adoption." You say "It's possible your husband has always struggled with homosexual impulses, but that he also truly loves you and treasures your years together and the family you've made." Why not just mention the B-word here? Thanks, from all us invisible bisexuals out here!

Emily Yoffe: This is in response to a letter in the column last week from a woman who found out her husband of 30 years views gay pornography, has a membership to a gay health club, and carries Viagra in his gym bag he's not using for her. I have heard from many people denouncing me for not recognizing the man could be bi-sexual. But so what? When you marry someone you don't have a caveat that if they discover other aspects of their sexuality, they should be free to cheat on you because of that. He's been hiding a crucial part of himself. He has to be honest now, and the marriage has to be re-assessed on that basis.


Emily Yoffe: Thanks everyone! And I believe Emily Post will not take you to task if you write the thank you note, anyway.