I'm not Chalabi.

Making government work better.
Feb. 7 2005 12:39 PM

To Be Chalabi, or Not To Be

This Syrian exile wants to overthrow another evil Baathist dictator. How can he persuade the U.S. to help him?

So, you're an Arab exile. You've prospered in the United States. You've got lots of influential neocon friends. And now you want to overthrow the evil Baathist dictator back home. Here's the catch: Your name, fortunately—or perhaps unfortunately—is not Ahmad Chalabi. What are you supposed to do?

This is the predicament in which a man named Farid Ghadry finds himself. (Remember that name: He could soon be cashing millions in U.S. government checks.) The regime Ghadry would like to terminate is that of Bashar Assad, dictator of Syria, his country of birth. There's no question that the Syrian government is a nasty one: Prisoners of conscience languish in jail, the police torture detainees, and the government harbors and funds some Islamic terror groups.

Advertisement

But Ghadry finds himself in a peculiar post-Iraq-invasion dilemma: to be Chalabi, or not to be. President Bush singled out Syria's bad behavior in the State of the Union, but no one expects regime change in Damascus anytime soon. Syria's mere nastiness isn't enough these days. Iraq has sapped the appetite for war, and nuke-happy North Korea and Iran are way ahead of Syria on the regime-change roster. "Maybe we don't have weapons of mass destruction," Ghadry told me. "But there's reason enough to help. It's important to free Syria because Syria could be on the avant-garde of helping the U.S. win the war on terror." Maybe it could, but that point alone is not about to send the American war machine rolling to Damascus.

Given these constraints, how can Ghadry rally American support to his cause? Ghadry has to both learn from the Iraq model and distinguish himself from it. Here's an eight-step plan for him and other would-be regime-changers to prosper in a post-Saddam world.

1. First task: Make it clear that you are not Ahmad Chalabi. This is so important that Ghadry headlined one of his recent mass e-mails "I am not Ahmad Chalabi."

Chalabi, who fed reporters and Pentagon officials dubious information about Iraqi misdeeds and WMDs in the war runup, has become a synonym for "one who manipulates country A into invading country B for his own nefarious reasons." But while you don't want to look like Ahmad Chalabi, that guy seriously knew what he was doing, so go ahead and take a page from his playbook. For instance:

2. Be the kind of guy Americans think they can do business with. Chalabi is a secular, pro-democracy Shiite from a majority-Shiite country and by all accounts a charming man.

Ghadry is a secular, pro-democracy Sunni from a majority-Sunni country. He is charming and articulate, enjoys driving his kids to soccer practice, and favors a Syrian peace with Israel. When I asked him why he started the Reform Party of Syria, he said that he and his wife had reached a comfortable point in their lives, with their children nearly grown, and decided that they wanted to give something back. Who wouldn't find such a philanthropic impulse appealing? She joined the board of a children's hospital, and he decided to overthrow a government.

3. Make nice with neocons. Chalabi was close to such prominent hawks as Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, Undersecretary of Defense Douglas Feith,and Vice President Dick Cheney. Ghadry has joined the Committee on the Present Danger, a group of politicians, ex-administration officials, and big thinkers who say they are dedicated to winning the war on terrorism; its members include such pre-emption supporters as Newt Gingrich, Jeane Kirkpatrick, and James Woolsey.

4. Get the word out. Chalabi advertised Saddam Hussein's evildoings, even going so far as to make some of them up. The Reform Party of Syria advertises Bashar Assad's evildoings with a feisty Web site and frequent press releases.

TODAY IN SLATE

Politics

Talking White

Black people’s disdain for “proper English” and academic achievement is a myth.

Hong Kong’s Protesters Are Ridiculously Polite. That’s What Scares Beijing So Much.

The One Fact About Ebola That Should Calm You: It Spreads Slowly

Operation Backbone

How White Boy Rick, a legendary Detroit cocaine dealer, helped the FBI uncover brazen police corruption.

A Jaw-Dropping Political Ad Aimed at Young Women, Apparently

The XX Factor
Oct. 1 2014 4:05 PM Today in GOP Outreach to Women: You Broads Like Wedding Dresses, Right?
Music

How Even an Old Hipster Can Age Gracefully

On their new albums, Leonard Cohen, Robert Plant, and Loudon Wainwright III show three ways.

How Tattoo Parlors Became the Barber Shops of Hipster Neighborhoods

This Gargantuan Wind Farm in Wyoming Would Be the Hoover Dam of the 21st Century

Moneybox
Oct. 1 2014 8:34 AM This Gargantuan Wind Farm in Wyoming Would Be the Hoover Dam of the 21st Century To undertake a massively ambitious energy project, you don’t need the government anymore.
  News & Politics
Politics
Oct. 1 2014 7:26 PM Talking White Black people’s disdain for “proper English” and academic achievement is a myth.
  Business
Buy a Small Business
Oct. 1 2014 11:48 PM Inking the Deal Why tattoo parlors are a great small-business bet.
  Life
Outward
Oct. 1 2014 6:02 PM Facebook Relaxes Its “Real Name” Policy; Drag Queens Celebrate
  Double X
The XX Factor
Oct. 1 2014 5:11 PM Celebrity Feminist Identification Has Reached Peak Meaninglessness
  Slate Plus
Behind the Scenes
Oct. 1 2014 3:24 PM Revelry (and Business) at Mohonk Photos and highlights from Slate’s annual retreat.
  Arts
Brow Beat
Oct. 1 2014 9:39 PM Tom Cruise Dies Over and Over Again in This Edge of Tomorrow Supercut
  Technology
Future Tense
Oct. 1 2014 6:59 PM EU’s Next Digital Commissioner Thinks Keeping Nude Celeb Photos in the Cloud Is “Stupid”
  Health & Science
Science
Oct. 1 2014 4:03 PM Does the Earth Really Have a “Hum”? Yes, but probably not the one you’re thinking.
  Sports
Sports Nut
Oct. 1 2014 5:19 PM Bunt-a-Palooza! How bad was the Kansas City Royals’ bunt-all-the-time strategy in the American League wild-card game?