What's that line? "They're called 'boobs,' Ed."... 11:41 PDT
After reading this article in the Wall Street Journal on the subject of consumer reporters who sell their services to large companies to promote products on nationwide television tours, I want to throw my hat in the ring as America's Go-To Movie Guy.
Studios, agents, publicists: Think about what you spend on an ad in the New York Times with yet more gush from Peter Travers or drivel from some low-wattage radio flunkie from San Bernardino. Now think about putting a fraction of that money into a critic with proven integrity.
How can I lead with my integrity and yet accept your cash? Easy! Just as these consumer reporters insist that they believe in the products they're paid to promote, I will believe in selective, marketable aspects of your movie.
Imagine what I could have done for Oliver Stone's widely reviled Alexander:
Me: Alexander is a colossal movie, made by a colossus of our cinema!
TV Host: But is it good?
Me: Good! What a paltry word. Is war good? Are the most magnificent questions in the history of humankind good?
TV Host: So, go see it, then?
Me: You don't "see" Alexander.Alexander sees you.
Now imagine how I'd pitch everyone's favorite whipping boy, Gigli: