Da-Doo Enron-Ron: Enron: The Smartest guys in the Room delivers smarting blows.

Running thoughts on movies and their makings.
April 21 2005 4:09 PM

Da-Doo Enron-Ron plus Critic for Sale!

Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room delivers smarting blows.

(Continued from Page 1)

What's that line? "They're called 'boobs,' Ed."... 11:41 PDT

Alexander: Good enough for government work
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Alexander: Good enough for government work

 After reading this article in the Wall Street Journal on the subject of consumer reporters who sell their services to large companies to promote products on nationwide television tours, I want to throw my hat in the ring as America's Go-To Movie Guy.

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Studios, agents, publicists: Think about what you spend on an ad in the New York Times with yet more gush from Peter Travers or drivel from some low-wattage radio flunkie from San Bernardino. Now think about putting a fraction of that money into a critic with proven integrity.

How can I lead with my integrity and yet accept your cash? Easy! Just as these consumer reporters insist that they believe in the products they're paid to promote, I will believe in selective, marketable aspects of your movie.

Imagine what I could have done for Oliver Stone's widely reviled Alexander:

Me: Alexander is a colossal movie, made by a colossus of our cinema!

TV Host: But is it good?

Me: Good! What a paltry word. Is war good? Are the most magnificent questions in the history of humankind good?

TV Host: So, go see it, then?

Me: You don't "see" Alexander.Alexander sees you.

Now imagine how I'd pitch everyone's favorite whipping boy, Gigli:

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