Why don't you?

The Pew poll does, however, cast some unintentional illumination. It shows that no matter how accurate the National Enquirer or any tabloid might become, readers and non-readers (especially) will never forgive it its dubious past, especially if it sticks with the distinctive "trade dress" of a supermarket tabloid—sensational headlines printed in yellow; a red, white, and black logo; glossy newsprint stock. And it proves that folks would rather judge a publication (People) for where it lives—on a supermarket checkout wire rack alongside such deliberately unbelievable publications as the Weekly World Newsand the Sun—than for what's printed inside.

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My sweetheart laughed while habanero peppers burned my eyes bloody. Send your best tabloid headline to pressbox@hotmail.com. (E-mail may be quoted by name unless the writer stipulates otherwise.)