Your Dreams (and Nightmares) About Sarah Palin
She hands you a $20 bill. She marries you. She tells you to kill all the animals in the zoo. She's your barista.
Posted Friday, Sept. 12, 2008, at 10:53 AM
"I dreamt last night that I went to a local political event, and Sarah Palin was being introduced as Pennsylvania's new governor. I got really upset, and I asked, 'But what happened to Ed Rendell?!' And then she stopped her speech, stared me down, and told me, 'Ed Rendell is gone now.' "—Teresa Reilly
"I had this horrible dream about Sarah Palin on Monday, the day of the release of the Bristol Palin pregnancy news. I dreamed that I was walking down a dark, grimy street and felt a strange feeling on the right side of my abdomen. I looked down and there was a little bump there, a bulge, and it was moving. Suddenly, a huge, oily, millipede-esque parasite started crawling out of the bump. I was horrified and disgusted as I began to pull on it to get it out, and when I pulled the whole thing out (it was about 6 inches long), I saw that it had a head on each side of its body. I looked up and Sarah Palin was there, smiling her huge smile, looking like an evil librarian, and she said to me, very sweetly 'Oh, there it is! How wonderful! Now I'd like to talk to you about an amazing opportunity to host another one in your body ...' She smiled the entire time she was talking to me, and it was almost a Joker-like smile."—Anna Tarleton Potter
"(To start with, you need to know that I have a 17-year-old daughter with Down syndrome.) In my dream, my daughter is pregnant and gives birth to an almost fully grown African-American baby boy who looks a lot like Barack Obama!"—Ellen Jennings
"I dreamt her hubby was killed in an strange accident, and we somehow met in Germany. My wife was also gone, not sure how. McCain became ill, and Sarah and I were married. My son and I moved into the White House, and I gave a speech about Americans not using common sense, etc. Of course there are some romantic portions of the dream I will not go into detail about. She is very attractive—as you know. My speech was powerful, as Sarah and I both scolded the media for not holding the right folks accountable for certain accounting scandals, etc. I also tried very hard to give America a wakeup call on issues like common sense parenting, buying more house and car than we need, being very wasteful, etc. The dream was a bit foggy, but in the end, I wrote several books, and Mrs. Palin-Kaiser ran the country for a year, doing a very good job. I also see her shaking her finger at the media over and over in the dream. But she always gave me a kiss afterward, so I only got on her case a little about the finger-wagging. Much of the dream is foggy, as I did not even know she existed until six weeks ago. Now I think about her a lot."—Michael A. Kaiser
"Last night I dreamed I was the 'superhero' version of Sarah Palin (certainly a force to be reckoned with). While singing a solo in a church choir, a crazed woman from the congregation came at me with a knife. I responded by skillfully evading the attack and disarming the woman with a karate chop to her knife-wielding hand. I then adjusted my hair, smiled at my family, and jumped right back into the song without skipping a beat! I should mention that I am a Christian, an adamant Palin supporter, and hold a minor in vocal performance."—Kelli Willard
"My parents and I were in our driveway, rearranging our golf bags, when I saw Sarah Palin walking down my street. She was alone with no Secret Service, no press, just her, with her purse, walking around my neighborhood. I was kind of weirded out; then Palin approached us. She reached into her purse and pulled out this small bag with a golf thing inside. It held a ball, recorded strokes, and was a practice putting cup. She said, 'I don't know if this will work for you, it's a half-gallon cup.' My mother shot back, 'Great. That's great.' I reassured Palin that I could still use it, and I was genuinely excited about it. My dad just remained silent.
"My mother angrily said to Palin, 'Is this part of your campaign, walking up to people in random neighborhoods?' Palin smiled and said, 'It's a really great campaign. I'd love for you to be a part of it.' It was strange for my mother to be doubting Palin in this dream, as she's a Palin supporter in the real world. The conversation suddenly shifted to Palin's face. She hadn't been out in public for a while because she had pimples, and my mother remarked, 'I really hate when that happens! Sometimes the pimples turn into acne!' The dream then abruptly ended."—Emma Johannes
"I had a dream last night where there was a problem with boulders coming down hills and crushing cars. Sarah Palin made the police put up machine guns to disintegrate the boulders as they passed by. Unfortunately the guns were triggered by movement, so animals were getting killed by mistake. She and I were in a screaming match about the poor animals. She kept calling them collateral damage, and we used them to feed the homeless."—Asylynne Wright
"The night of Sarah's speech I fell asleep and dreamt of saving her young daughter from getting hit with a hockey puck at a Philadelphia Flyers game. With a quick peck on the cheek and a photographer close by, the kiss became the picture of the year on all the tabloids. She was so thankful for what I had done in saving her child, I was invited to the inauguration and personally escorted her to the ball afterward. Her husband having somehow died, everyone raved about how she found her new dude."—Joe Waetjen
"Last night I dreamt that I was being sent to jail for four months, for an unknown reason. I kept telling everyone around me that I had a new baby, she was only five months old, and I couldn't leave her for so long. Then Palin appears and starts telling me that I've breastfed her for long enough, that she doesn't need me anymore, and she and my husband will be fine without me. 'Just wean her already so you can go to jail!' I kept arguing that I was her mother and she needs me, plus I've done nothing wrong, and Palin keeps brushing me off as overly sentimental and clingy to my child!"—Katherine Meyers
David Plotz is the Editor of Slate. He's the author of The Genius Factory: The Curious History of the Nobel Prize Sperm Bank and Good Book. He appears on Slate's Political Gabfest.
Photograph of Sarah Palin by Robyn Beck/AFP/Getty Images.