My favorite part of the run-up to the Olympics is the whining about a lack of support. These gripes come not from medical researchers or school teachers, not from engineers working on affordable housing or scientists developing solar power, but from gymnasts; rhythmic gymnasts; rhythmic gymnasts who toss around that ribbony thing. Still worse—the moaning comes from ribbony-thing-tossing gymnasts whose rites of deferred puberty are broadcast internationally on network TV paid for by the world's largest corporations. Some lack of support. I also engage in a hobby nobody else is much interested in, but I don't expect you to chip in for a custom-made spandex suit I can wear while I do it. (Although I've got the legs for it, believe me.) All right, maybe technically it's not so much a "hobby" as a "syndrome," but then again I'm not asking for a high-tech training facility in the Rockies or a village for like-minded participants in Australia. OK, maybe "village" isn't the precise term; perhaps "clinic" more accurately captures the feel of my avocation. But I bear your neglect with admirable stoicism.
One group of Olympians not doing any whining is Chen Po-pu's rivals on the Qatar weightlifting team, formerly the Bulgarian weightlifting team. Frustrated by a lack of Olympic success, Qatar bought eight Bulgarian lifters and a Bulgarian coach for $1 million, made them instant Qatari citizens, and slipped them into bulging Qatari spandex. Further, although none speaks Arabic and several of the lifters had never even heard of Qatar, they were each given a shiny new Arabic name. This is entirely legit under current Olympic rules.
Take This Answer Into the Restroom and Fill It
Chen Po-pu is the first athlete to be sent home from the Sydney Games for failing an official Olympic drug test. His accreditation was withdrawn when he tested positive for steroids.
Taiwan, already hurt by two drug cases, ordered him home along with coach Tsai Wen-yee. Also barred from the games were Bulgarian triple- and long-jumper Iva Prandzheva, and Kazakstan swimmer Evguenia Yermakova, who just failed to capture the coveted title, first-expelled.
He should have hidden under his bed. The Australian Sports Drug Agency reports that several competitors went to great lengths to avoid them; others at pre-Games training camps locked their doors and pretended not to be home. Cunning.
Under International Olympic Committee anti-doping rules, an athlete who refuses to give a sample for testing may be banned for two years, the same penalty as testing positive for a forbidden substance. But if a competitor is unavailable when the sampling officers arrive, it is unlikely that any sanction will be applied.
"There may be some people who suddenly develop serious injuries that are going to prevent them from competing, and no doctor can tell you they've seen the patient," said Australian Olympic team doctor Brian Sando. "There are always reasons why people may save themselves the embarrassment of a positive test and develop a reason for not competing and not coming to Australia."
More Funny Foreign Names Extra
"Mohota crushes Swati, does Humpy a favour."
TODAY IN SLATE
Blacks Don’t Have a Corporal Punishment Problem
Americans do. But when blacks exhibit the same behaviors as others, it becomes part of a greater black pathology.
I Bought the Huge iPhone. I’m Already Thinking of Returning It.
Scotland Is Just the Beginning. Expect More Political Earthquakes in Europe.
Lifetime Didn’t Think the Steubenville Rape Case Was Dramatic Enough
So they added a little self-immolation.
Two Damn Good, Very Different Movies About Soldiers Returning From War
The Most Terrifying Thing About Ebola
The disease threatens humanity by preying on humanity.