No. 457: "Hair Force"

Testing your knowledge of what happened this week
July 25 2000 3:00 AM

No. 457: "Hair Force"

(Continued from Page 2)



  1. Real plan but just canceled. "Many people would think it's a little bit intrusive," said ABC promo guy Alan Cohen. "We've also shut down the plan to have John Stossel sneak up on everyone in Chicago and pat them on the ass," he did not add.
  2. In effect now, perhaps accounting for popularity of Regis Philbin in the coveted teen baboon demographic.
  3. Utter fabrication.
  4. Utter waste of money, but true.
  5. Just a crazy dream.
  6. Ineffectual but true. On the other hand, it's reassuring to know that millions of people with minty fresh breath are not watching ABC.
  7. Frightening but true. And it's reassuring to know that millions of people startled into peeing on their own shoes are not watching ABC.

ABC You Later Ongoing Extra

"If you had Norm MacDonald call you and remind you his show was on, we thought it would be fun, the type of thing people usually tell their friends about," said a hopelessly deluded Alan Cohen, the ABC promo guy who reluctantly shut down this benighted venture. But how will ABC promote its programs now? Participants are invited to offer suggestions. Best responses to run Friday.

Common Denominator

Nobody misses the British.


Frame Game

Hard Knocks

I was hit by a teacher in an East Texas public school. It taught me nothing.

There Are New Abuse Allegations Against Adrian Peterson

After This Merger, One Company Could Control One-Third of the Planet's Beer Sales

John Oliver Pleads for Scotland to Stay With the U.K.

If You’re Outraged by the NFL, Follow This Satirical Blowhard on Twitter


Don’t Expect Adrian Peterson to Go to Prison

In much of America, beating your kids is perfectly legal. 

The Juice

Ford’s Big Gamble

It’s completely transforming America’s best-selling vehicle.

I Tried to Write an Honest Profile of One of Bollywood’s Biggest Stars. It Didn’t Go Well.

Here’s Why College Women Don’t Take Rape Allegations to the Police

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