Using a helicopter equipped with a heat-seeking device, Suffolk County cops located two cinderblock warehouses in Holbrook, Long Island, and arrested two men for theft of electricity. What was going on in the warehouses?
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Tuesday's Question (No. 369)--"Pig 'n' Pearl":
"At Harvard, they called it 'throwing the pearls to the swine,' " says Dr. Alan Kling. What's it called off-campus?
"Dating people from other schools."—Francis Heaney (Jonathan E. Snow and Colleen Werthmann had similar answers.)
"Speaking without an honorarium."—Tim Carvell
"Teaching. And what's so hurtful is not that they say that but that they make those nasty little pig faces when they say it."—Jay D. Majors
"Freshman Natalie Portman attending her first frat-house kegger."—Matt Sullivan
"There's an off-campus? Do people live there? What do they do all day?"—Dale "Enmeshed in Harvard Final Exam Week" Shuger
Click for more answers.
If you ran a Nexis search or, like me, made up some data, you'd find that the two nongovernmental organizations most assiduously covered by the New York Times are the Vatican and Harvard. But while the Times swoons before these cradles of power, the general public—by which I mean my deadbeat friends—disdains them both, and it's not entirely jealousy. For one thing, within five minutes of meeting one of these guys they inevitably let you know: I attended the College of Cardinals. Or the constant name-dropping: my old roommate, Stinky, is the papal nuncio. Or the vanity disguised as humility: Does this vestment make me look fat? Or the way, 30 years later, 40 years later, some guy is still talking about where he was an altar boy. We hate that sort of thing around the Penn State Club. Puts us right off our scrapple.
Medically Necessary, or So My Accountant Tells Me, Answer
And eye jobs, tummy tucks, tooth whitening, wrinkle removal, and other cosmetic procedures. These vanity treatments, once scorned around the med school, are now enjoying increased respect because there's money in them. Doctors weary of the income-limiting effects of HMOs find it more lucrative to deliver unnecessary medicine to rich folks who pay for it themselves. "Now, in terms of survival, it is what you do," said Kling, who has a dermatology and cosmetic surgery practice on Park Avenue. "And of course by 'survival' I mean able to afford a solid gold hat like the one on my pet monkey, over there in the Jacuzzi filled with champagne," he did not add.
Garden Statements Extra
Tuesday, Jan. 18, was the last day New Jersey Gov. Christine Todd Whitman could act on bills passed during the legislative session that just ended. Which of the following did she sign, and which did she veto?
1. Police may stop drivers for not wearing a seatbelt.
2. "Driving while black" reduced from felony to misdemeanor.
3. Minors may be fined $25 for purchase or possession of cigarettes.
4. Judges may require ignition locks on cars of convicted drunk drivers.
5. Bruce Springsteen named state tree.
6. Three-year statute of limitations on parking tickets.
7. "Rich Get Richer and the Poor Get Camden" named state song.
8. Underage drinking on private property prohibited.
9. Cherry Hill Mall named state tree because Bruce Springsteen is so damned sensitive.
10. "I'm Black and I'm Proud, Don't Shoot!" named new state motto.
2. Not an actual bill.
3. Pocket vetoed.
5. Not an actual tree.
7. People in Camden too poor to sing, can only afford to hum.
9. Ignored on flimsy grounds that no such bill exists.
10. Ignored; State Police so damned sensitive about nonexistent bills.
Quote of the Day for Days We Feel Like Having a Quote Extra
"You don't see fancy high-society types at a camel fight; look—it's Donald Trump!"—Omer Demir, Turkish fight fan (as quoted in the New York Times, except for the part about Donald Trump)
Cold Comfort Ongoing Extra
Participants are still invited to devise a photo caption cliché of the "Winter Turns Cold; People Don Hats, Gloves" variety that should run in any news outlet. Results to run tomorrow if my eyelids don't become frost-encrusted as I bundle up against blustery Arctic winds and walk in front of a bus stalled by frigid air, then stagger to the pavement, trip over a frozen dog, and break my spine.
Faculty disdain for students; student disdain for students at other schools.