News Quiz

No. 363: “Edgy and Explosive”

The list includes daggers, pipe bombs, spears, and bows and arrows. List of what?

Send your answer by 5 p.m. ET Sunday to newsquiz@slate.com.

Wednesday’s Question (No. 362)–“Judge Mental”:

On Tuesday in U.S. District Court in Manhattan, Judge Shira Scheindlin ruled that because there was a “top hat” but no “bad boy,” something must be done. What?

“The government must release Fred Astaire’s censored Depression-era skinflicks.”–Neal Pollack

“A classified ad must be taken out in the Village Voice.”–Matt Sullivan

“A collection of Peter Arno cartoons must be redrawn so as to better represent the diversity of American society.”–Evan Cornog

“Make sure Chippendale’s delivers satisfaction.”–Colleen Werthmann (Charlie Glassenberg had a similar answer, but S&M.)

“Apparently, they’re making the new Monopoly tokens more gay-friendly.”–Adam Bonin

Click for more answers.

Randy’s Wrap-Up

Many News Quiz participants treated the top hat as a self-consciously anachronistic symbol of the rich. (The participants, not the hat, are self-conscious; although I’d wear my hat more often if it were a little more self-aware.) But while the silk hat no longer invokes uptown swells, no other headgear has replaced it in our metonymy. Indeed, compared to the prewar wealthy, the contemporary rich have no apparent class markers. It is not just hats but entire wardrobes that fail to denote magnificent excess: The modern rich dress like business executives during the day and like pop stars at night, if indeed anyone is wearing anything other than sneakers and jeans. The opera house–natural habitat of the top hat (i.e., the opera hat)–is no longer the preserve of the rich; it is, if anything, a cathedral of gay culture. Nor have the rich maintained that audible indicator, that quasi-English, quasi-lockjawed accent that the swells all had in Depression-era movies. The rich now talk like everyone else, except Donald Trump, who speaks as if taught by Diane Fosse. Not even the long limousine inspires a class-conscious hooligan to hurl a paving stone; the wise ragamuffin knows he’s likely not seeing a mogul but some kids from Queens on the way to their prom. In an ugly tux. And entirely hatless. But he throws it anyway.

Stealing From the Poor Box Answer

The United Way of America must pay William Aramony, its imprisoned former president, $4.2 million in deferred compensation.

Aramony, jailed for fraud and embezzlement after years of stealing from the charity, had a “top hat” pension plan, a grotesquely lavish package of benefits far richer than those offered to ordinary workers. Because his contract did not include a “bad boy“clause that would have revoked his benefits if he committed a felony, Judge Scheindlin ruled that the United Way must pay up.

You Are What You Perq Extra

This actual e-mail was sent to everyone at Condé Nast. I intended to ask participants to devise similar but imaginary perqs that perfectly captured the ethos of other media companies, but then I couldn’t shake the image of Ved Mehta in spandex, so I think I’d better go lie down and put a cold compress on my forehead. Or down my pants. However, other examples of actual character-revealing corporate perqs would be most welcome.

To: 4 Times Square 5

Subject: 2000 Glamour Swimsuit Try-On

Swimsuit season will soon be upon us and once again Glamour will be hosting its annual Swimsuit Try-On January 11th & 12th.

Often people don’t realize that the suit they’ve been wearing doesn’t complement their body type. So, for those who wish to participate, we are offering a free one-on-one consultation to identify the best suit for your figure.

To test drive these swimsuits, please e-mail Michelle DeShields by January 7th and be sure to include your size and body type.

Common Denominator

The Monopoly guy.