No. 358: "Foto Fun"

No. 358: "Foto Fun"

No. 358: "Foto Fun"

Testing your knowledge of what happened this week
Dec. 23 1999 3:30 AM

No. 358: "Foto Fun"

I give the picture; you give the caption.

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Compose a newspaper-style caption for the actual Reuters news photo shown below.

67000_67871_991222_santa
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Send your answer by 9 p.m. ET Monday to newsquiz@slate.com.

Tuesday's Question (No. 357) "2, 4, 6, 8, Who Do We Indoctrinate?"

Federal District Judge Solomon Oliver Jr. said it "had the effect of advancing religion through government-sponsored religious indoctrination." What did?

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"The Crusades."--Annie Driscoll

"Express lanes at highway toll plazas for those who know Jesus as their personal savior."--Ross Frellick

"A plan to teach school students to cry 'Please God, no!' before being shot by a classmate."--Beth Sherman

"Did you know that all of our presidents who weren't Masons were assassinated? That's indoctri-friggin-nation for ya!"--Al Cloutier

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"An Alabama schoolteacher's announcement, just prior to lunch, that 'Everyone can go outside for recess. Except the Jews, who have to sit inside and watch Davey and Goliath over and over and over again.' "--Tim Carvell

Click for more answers.

Randy's Wrap-Up

As many News Quiz participants asserted, ours is a very observant, very Christian nation, so please be sensitive to the displays of religiosity that are so common this time of year, often with elaborate lighting. One caution: People get cross if you swipe the baby Jesus out of their nativity scene, even if you replace it with something better, like a live monkey. Ask any kid what he'd rather see, illuminated plastic figurines or monkeys, and that kid is going to say, "Monkeys! Where's my present?" Sure, it's easy to decry the commercialization of the holiday, like putting trousers on all the figures in the nativity scene, adding a big electric sign that flashes: "Jesus Wore Khakis," and pocketing some pretty sweet change from the Gap. But monkeys are generally nonprofit, and yet my damned neighbors have threatened to call the cops if I set one foot on … well, enough about me. Except that I'd like to take this opportunity to wish you all season's greetings. A little impersonal, I know. How I wish I could visit each of your houses, when nobody's home, and go through your stuff. But the sentiment is no less heartfelt for all that. So Merry Christmas, everyone, and have a banana on me and my pal Popo!

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What Would Jesus™ Answer:

Cleveland's school voucher program is government-sponsored religious indoctrination.

Judge Oliver ruled Monday that giving children tax-financed vouchers to attend that city's parochial schools violated the Constitution's separation of church and state.

Ninety-six percent of the students receiving vouchers attend parochial schools, among them St. Patrick's, whose student handbook lists its No. 1 objective of education: "to communicate the gospel message of Jesus™."
Voters Guide: As a senator, Bill Bradley voted for school vouchers. During Sunday's TV debate, he weaseled out of that decision by calling it "an experiment in terror" (except for the words "in terror"). "And besides, I was so drunk that year, I never knew what the hell I was voting for," he did not add.

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One More Inverted Headlines Extra

"Vermont Court Insists on Human Disease

U.C. Study Links 'Mad Cow' Strain to Gay Partner Rights"--Andrew Solovay

Corporate Christmas Ongoing Extra

Nothing captures the spirit of this blessed season like a mass mailing from a vast commercial enterprise. Participants are invited to devise holiday cards from any well-known corporation, along these lines:

Outside: Santa gasses up the sleigh at an ExxonMobil station.

Inside: Happy holidays from our remaining employees!

Outside: His sack on his shoulder, Santa tiptoes into Canada past dozing Mountie at border station.

Inside: Santa passes out cartons of cigarettes to appreciative lumberjacks.

The message: Tax-Free Greetings From Your American Friends at Philip Morris.

Replies to run Tuesday, Dec. 28.

Common Denominator

Wan nation under God.