Planned Parenthood, the Museum of Natural History, CNN--what's the connection?
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Wednesday's Question (No. 335)--"Wall Nuts":
In Germany yesterday for the 10th anniversary of the fall of the Berlin Wall, former President Bush reminisced about some bad advice he received a decade ago: "In my view, that would have been an open provocation, tantamount to sticking our fingers in the eyes of the Soviet military." Who advised him to do what?
"Dan Quayle, who is stupid, advised Bush to do something stupid to the Russians, because, you see, Quayle is not very smart, in fact Quayle is stupid."--Wellesley Wild
"George W. advised his father to 'Get tough on that Russian guy. General something. Wears that funny looking hat.' "--Greg Narver
"Whatever it was, it couldn't have been worse than sending Billy Joel to play Moscow."--Daniel Radosh (Al Petrosky had a similar answer.)
"Barb wanted to flash her black sports bra as she went through Checkpoint Charlie."--Sean Fitzpatrick
"An Oktoberfestively drunk Henry Kissinger egged him on to use the stiff corpse of Lenin to chip off a hunk of wall."--Beth Sherman
Click for more answers.
It's sad to see a great institution reduced to a tattered geriatric remnant of its former self. But enough about me. Let's consider President Bush's nostalgic invocation of the Soviet military. It seems like only yesterday that Gen. Zhukov rallied the indomitable men and women of that mighty force to stop the German army outside the gates of Moscow and left them to die by the thousands in the snow. The good times, they're over so quickly. Today, alas, what comes to mind is a couple of bad baritones from the Red Army Chorus, drunk on antifreeze, trying to convince some Iraqi guy that their music stands are made of plutonium and worth a few bucks. It's sad, really. Like The New Yorker. Or Cher's original face. Or the "Drifters" on tour, singing the Volga Boatman at halftime during a Chicago Bulls game. Of course, the shape I'm in, by tomorrow morning I'll have forgotten the entire episode.
Not Naomi Wolf's Fault Answer
"Some of our leaders on Capitol Hill suggested that I come over here to the Berlin Wall and dance on the wall," said President Bush. "Without wearing underwear," he did not add. "As if I ever wear underwear!" he then went on not to conclude.
Dan Dickinson's True-Life Baptist Adventures Extra
Did you know the preachers wear waders?
The minister who baptized me wore waders while I got real wet. "You're gonna stay down there a while [glub-glubby] 'cause you're a SINNER!"
In 1958, I was summarily dismissed as a troublemaker for asking seditiously, "What's with all those footballs, basketballs, tetherballs, and volleyballs, why do we have to play 'duck-duck-goose' every day?"
Tech Talk Extra
Recent problems with the Slate mail server have meant that many responses arrived too late to appear in the quiz. These were, without a doubt, the funniest answers each of you has ever written, and they would certainly have run on the first page. It may be some comfort to you, as it is for me, that this is something we can, with a clear conscience, blame entirely on others.