No. 334: "Paige Proofs"

No. 334: "Paige Proofs"

No. 334: "Paige Proofs"

Testing your knowledge of what happened this week
Nov. 10 1999 3:30 AM

No. 334: "Paige Proofs"

Fill in the blank as Rev. Paige Patterson, president of the Southern Baptist Convention, responds to critics: "Show me a single case where a Southern Baptist has ____________, and I will do my best to see it never happens again."


Send your answer by noon ET Wednesday to

Monday's Question (No. 333)--"In No Sense":

Thomas Nelson Publishers, Nashville, Tenn., has announced the March release of a book with the working title The Death of Innocence. Name the author and subject. (Question courtesy of Jon Delfin.)

"Dinesh D'Souza, about how everything went to hell after racism ended."--Matt Sullivan


"Barry Scheck and Peter Neufeld on the 'new new science of DNA.' "--David Feige

"It's by that girl with leukemia who the Backstreet Boys wouldn't visit."--Mark Greenberg

"It's those 'Bible Codes' guys again! They've found the names of 13th-century rabbis in the Denny's menu."--Al Petrosky

"Well, it's about time Edith Wharton finished that sequel."--Chris Hammett


Click for more answers.

Randy's Wrap-Up

Sadly, all 32 major TV networks rejected my pitch for America Loses Its Innocence Again for the Very First Time, the story of a surprisingly corrupt game-show contestant (whose suburban life is not nearly as sans souci as the brochure would have you believe) who is exiled from his own personal Eden when 60 Minutes refuses to broadcast an interview that proves--proves!--that the president lied to the entire country about this minister (a man of God!) who turns out to have had sex with a dog, like maybe a golden retriever (unless things turn around and I get to do it at Fox in which case the dog will be a chimp, but that makes sense dramatically) who can't keep a secret (see, it's a talking dog), but it takes this big check from some tabloid where they JUST MAKE THINGS UP(!) and then the check bounces--did I mention that the dog was married, and yet he betrayed his vows? The scales have fallen from my eyes, boy: All those networks care about is ratings. Bastards.

Li'l Miss Answer


John and Patsy Ramsey are writing a book about the unsolved slaying of their 6-year-old daughter, JonBenet. It will not be available in a boxed set with O.J. Simpson's I'm This Close To Nailing the Real Killer, a book he did not write. Thomas Nelson specializes in books with religious themes, although it occasionally publishes a dubious self-serving version of public events or maybe a cookbook.

Action Extra

Which of the following is a line of description from the current Toys "R" Us catalog, and which is from the Good Vibrations catalog of adult erotic toys?

Catalog Copy


  1. "Reinvented for more wild stunts! Super action, two sided"
  2. "Awesome action and realistic sound effects"
  3. "Quasar Launcher or Magna Blaster, both with transforming action"
  4. "Passing, crashing, and pit stop action"
  5. "The ultimate in pod racing action!"
  6. "Get ready for a crazy ride inside this inflatable toy"
  7. "Off-the-rope action"


All are from the Toys "R" Us catalog.

  1. Tyco 7.2V Radio-Control TMH Super Rebound, $55.99--its best-selling radio-control model car
  2. Echo Toys Fast Lane Attack Force, $32.99--toy helicopter, toy tank.
  3. Bandai Lost Galaxy Weapons, $21.99--cool space guns from the Power Rangers TV show. They fold into other shapes so they're easy to sneak into school.
  4. Mattel Hot Wheels XV Racers NASCAR Superspeedway Race Set, $44.99--race cars. With crashability. Look for the tiny "Marlboro" sticker on each car. (I'm not saying you'll find it, but look.)
  5. Hasbro Micro Machines Deluxe Pod Racing Playset, $33.99--some kind of race car toy with a Star Wars tie-in.
  6. Moose Mountain Teeter Totter Ball Maze, $21.99--kind of an inflatable seesaw. No use of the word "action," but it really does look like a crazy ride. Just nuts. Pure madness, but a ride. Insane. Psycho.
  7. Tiger Electronics WCW Nitro Hand-Held Games, $4.99--electronic wrestling game.