No. 313 "What's That Smell?"

No. 313 "What's That Smell?"

No. 313 "What's That Smell?"

Testing your knowledge of what happened this week
Oct. 1 1999 3:30 AM

No. 313 "What's That Smell?"

It was caused by "a poisonous mix of greed, liquor, jingoism, and bad taste," writes Frank Hannigan, the group's former executive director. What group? What happened?



Send your answer by 5 pm. ET Sunday to {{}}.

Wednesday's Question (No. 312)--"Ominous Anomalous":

Hillary Clinton, Chelsea Clinton, William Bennett, the president's staff, the American people, God. Which does not belong? Why?


"Hillary is the only one who's been rooting for the Mets since 1962."--Alex Balk

"Chelsea Clinton; I think everybody else is in agreement that Jedediah Purdy would make the perfect first son-in-law."--Julie Anderson

"Edmund Morris has never claimed to have attended a barbecue with William Bennett."--Jennifer Miller

"The president's staff, obviously, because ... oh, wait, that's not what you meant by 'staff,' is it? Ick, what the hell is wrong with me thinking that? I blame Ken Starr, Bob Barr, and those scary Hutchinson clones."--Molly Shearer Gabel (similarly: You're all thinking it.)


"The American people. Everyone on the list has been, at some point, taken in by President Clinton. The American people are the only ones who have been taken in by Clinton and Adam Sandler."--Bill Scheft

"God. Does not buy clothes at Banana Republic."--Steve Schecter

Click {{here#35832}} for more answers.

Randy's Wrap-Up


News Quiz participants found common ground in their loathing for professional scold William Bennett--his perpetual disapproval, his sanctimonious speechifying, his humorless yelping, the way the sunlight turns his hair into an auburn cascade, the kooky little songs he sings in the shower, his tousled amorous look first thing in the morning, the way his knowing hands, so strong yet so gentle ... no, wait, sorry ... I was thinking of the affair I've never had with family values huckster Gary Bauer. I get a little mixed up when I miss breakfast--flapjacks, sausages, prayerful boo-hooing. Most important meal of the day, says William Bennett in his Eat Well or Burn in Hell: A Child's Recipe Book of Virtues.

WeepyDisplay of Religiosity Answer

All but William Bennett are on the list of people President Clinton believes have forgiven him. Even though he doesn't deserve it.

Posing coquettishly for the cameras at the annual White House Prayer Breakfast, the president said, "I have been profoundly moved, as few people have, by the pure power of grace, unmerited forgiveness through grace. Most of all to my wife and daughter, but to the people I work with, to the legions of American people and to the God in whom I believe, Miss Ellen Barkin. And I'm very grateful to all of you who have had any role in that."


A review of the tapes indicates that the president did not make any overt mention of Ms. Barkin. But we know, as few people do, through the pure power of grace, what he was thinking.

The president was surrounded by a phalanx of spiritual counselors including the Rev. Philip Wogaman. "I don't for one moment think that what he's been doing has been simply for the public relations," said the reverend with unaffected simplicity. "Camera crews? Really? Are those things on?" he did not add.

E-Commerce Extra

With various seasonal festivities fast approaching, why not consider gifts that say, "I like you from a perspective far to the right of most Americans." Online reactionary giving is as convenient as today, as barbarous as the Spanish Inquisition--like Torquemada on some kind of laser sled. A few suggestions:

{{Family Research Council#2:}}

Virtuous Reality T-Shirt: "Designed for FRC's Save-Sex campaign, this clever logo on a brilliant red t-shirt is a subtle way to impart the positive message that a virtuous life is the reality we need to strive for. 100% pre-shrunk red cotton t-shirt." $10--One so seldom sees the word "subtle" and the words "brilliant red t-shirt" in the same sentence.

"Save-Sex Hold Out for the Ultimate" T-Shirt: "Designed for FRC's Save-Sex campaign, this is a great shirt for counselors and mentors of teens! Purple, yellow, and green logo on white, pre-shrunk, 100% cotton t-shirt." $10--You can "hold out for the ultimate," but remember: Gary Bauer is only one man. And married. And denying everything.

Ten Commandment Book Covers: "Beautifully designed, these book covers reverently portray the importance of a higher law in the lives of our school children. Allow your children to make a strong yet subtle statement and order a set today. Comes in sets of 10." $3--If just one kid comes home from school determined not to covet his neighbor's ox, that will more than make up for his utter ignorance of science and history.

{{American Opinion Books#2:}}, the online store of the John Birch Society

Poster: "Three Cheers for National Service." $5--Features pictures of argument-stopping Hitler, comical tyrant Mussolini, and not actually the leader of an Axis power Bill Clinton.

Poster: "The Experts Agree: Gun Control Works!" $5--With cartoon bad guys Hitler, Castro, Stalin, and Qaddafi, just like the Gap khaki ads.

United Nations "Peace Is World Control" Sweatshirt. $25--Features a scary skull in a blue U.N. helmet. Available only in Size XXL, showing the Birch Society's commitment to big, fat, superstitious guys.

Red, white, and blue "Get the U.S. out of the U.N." refrigerator Magnet. $2--First they save the lives of innocent civilians in East Timor, then they vaccinate some infants, and the next thing you know, they're peacefully resolving international disputes. For the love of God, stop them!

{{Eagle Forum#2:}}

Video: Radical Feminism: "What feminism is and why it is destructive." $21.95--I believe this is the one where a bunch of women get liquored up and ask for equal pay.

Video: Tribute to Phyllis Schlafly in Song and Pictures. $5--Oh, right, like I don't already have this on DVD.

{{Elizabeth Dole Campaign Committee#2:}}

Low Profile Official Dole Campaign Cap. Embroidered Sanded Twill Low Profile Cap New Shallow Profile. $14.95--I'm no fancy campaign strategist, but Ithink I see where they're going wrong with the tone of this thing.


Loathing William Bennett, punning on "staff."