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No. 305: "Safe Sects"

On Wednesday, the Xinhua news agency described a step China has taken to ensure "social stability and safety" during their big 50 Years of Revolutionary Rule celebration set for Oct. 1? What did China do?

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Wednesday's Question (No. 304)--"Hee, Hee, Hee":

You give the lead, I give the headline from Wednesday's London Mirror: "HE'S HUGE, HE'S POWERFUL, HE'S FAST AND HE'S MEAN"

"Jesus Christ returned to Earth yesterday, and he was in a bad mood. 'The meek of the earth won't inherit nothin'--they're a bunch of chumps,' He was quoted as saying."--Andrew Staples

"In a world first, Mark (formerly Margaret) Thatcher completed his historic sex-change operation today."--Richard Nikonovich-Kahn

"Shamu the killer whale, relaxing in his tank at Sea World after being given the power of speech, showed a thoughtful side to this reporter in an interview last week. 'I like to bite the heads off seals,' said the giant marine mammal."--Floyd "Look, I Didn't Ask Them To Give the Hurricane My Name, and I Wish No One Ill, and I Realize It's a Bit Sick, but, You Know, I'm Kind of Glad It's Really Kicking Ass" Elliot

"And yet we'd all like to keep working for Rupert Murdoch ..."--Alison Rogers (similarly, Mac Thomason)

"Or that's what small, weak, slow-moving, and sweet-tempered Sammy the Friendly Snail Bent on Taking Over the World would have you think."--Francis Heaney

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Randy Cohen used to write Slate's "News Quiz." His most recent book—oh, like you don't know.