Researchers in Dallas tried ocelot scent and rat feces but neither worked as well as Calvin Klein Obsession for Men. What were they trying to do?
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Monday's Question (No. 290)--"Fighting Crime ... With Science!":
According to the Cambridge, Mass., Police Department, the list includes Mexican-Americans, Pakistanis, Indians, and Cajuns. List of what?
"Those who are looking to 'whup Don Rickles' ass' after his last-minute substitution for the Indigo Girls at Lilith Fair."--Tim Carvell
"Little brown people who dance around naked in your face, while ranting like imbeciles, just to get you to shoot a squirt of pepper spray at them. Because, you know, they eat it for breakfast. Or is that Tom Green I just described?"--Molly Shearer Gabel
"People who cannot be subdued with pepper spray alone, but require repeated, severe beatings. Lamar Alexander is also on this list."--Charles Star
" 'Native speakers of an Indo-European language. Some forget the large number of Dravidian language speakers in India. Grade: B-.' Signed, 'Prof. Chomsky.' "--Matthew Singer
"Minorities to be cruelly caricatured in Star Wars: Episode II."--Ted Barlow
Click for more answers.
It's hard to know where to draw the line when you're making a joke about race, especially when it comes to those shifty, no-good Cajuns. I have nothing against them myself, but you know what happens when they move in next door. First they turn all the washboards and jugs into musical instruments, and the next thing you know all the neighborhood crawfish start to disappear. Dennis Cass was not the only New Quiz entrant who suspected he was being tricked into saying something he'd regret later. But that's not why I'm here. That's not what I'm all about. What kind of person would write a question about race and then get all shirty on people who were just trying to have a little fun? Not yrs. trly.
The trick is to think of me less as the new sheriff in town and more as one of the nannies the von Trapp children killed before Maria.
Ethnic groups with a natural resistance to pepper spray.
As Training Officer Frank Gutoski explained to a reporter for the Cambridge Chronicle, "The people [pepper spray] doesn't affect are people who have consumed cayenne pepper from the time they are small children, and this generally breaks into ethnic categories. Mexican-Americans tend to be pickers. So with Cajuns, Mexican-Americans, Pakistani, Indian ... [w]hat happens is that [pepper spray] is effective for a much shorter time."
In an apology Friday, Cambridge Police Commissioner Ronnie Watson admitted, "There is no scientific evidence to support these statements." "We're not scientists, we're police officers," added department spokesman Frank Pasquarello.
The people at Slate remind me that Randy never made anyone wait a whole day for the answers to the "extras." Fine.
The question, if you recall, was about Warren Beatty's age as opposed to the age of some U.S. presidents and politicians who you probably thought were older than Warren Beatty because they weren't as well lit.
The trick was to rearrange the list by the age they were--or would be--when they became president. Here's the solution:
Did I have a point? Not really. I just wanted to take a cheap potshot by pointing out how old Warren Beatty is, and how old Liddy Dole is. Liddy really is old, you know; she just looks young standing next to Bob. Of course, so do the Adirondacks. Lenny Bruce said his problem with Eisenhower was that he wouldn't vote for a man who couldn't get life insurance.
The other charming thing about the five presidents at the bottom of the list? Like FDR, Garfield, Kennedy, Lincoln, McKinley, and Grant, by the time they were Warren Beatty's age, they were dead.
Pat Buchanan, doughnuts, Harvard.